lecturing... again

My boss dropped a bombshell this morning, i was asked to conduct another lecture at University of Nottingham, tomorrow.

Well, since this is my second attempt of guest lecturing, it SUPPOSED to be alright. The only problem is that the topic of lecture has nothing to do with my domain .... "Configuration Management in Software Development". What this biotech fella gotta do with teaching software configuration management to IT student?

I really have to THANK my boss for having so much of confident in me.

The first time in UPM was no sweat as i'm well versed in Molecular Technology, but IT? Well, maybe i should say that my vast experience in IT field came from 5 years of blogging.

......

All in all, it wasn't that bad ... I do know the subject matter and was part of software engineering process group. However, something interesting caught my attention though. "We are looking forward for your ENRICHED (highlighted in bold) lecture for our young minds."

hmm ... enriched ... you bet it, hope my 'enriched' (maybe saturated to an extent of suffocating is a better description) experience in project management would be helpful. Project Management for a bunch of kids that is. Did i mentioned that i'm holding a whip in one hand and sweets in another, ALL the time? Thats my ultimate Project Management skill.

Death

Believe it or not, I am virtually writing this blog in my dream. But it was not a pleasant dream, in fact it was a nightmare. Even now, after 12 hours, when i'm sitting in front of laptop pouring out the dream that came to me last night in words, I felt reluctant. because i fear that by writing it down, it may actually came true like what happens in the movie inkheart.

It was a very realistic setting. We were away from home attending my sister wedding. My brother couldnt join us as he is in the middle of facing some major examination. Everything was jolly happy until we heard news from home that my brother fell down from staircase and situation was not good. My parents asked me to stay behind for the wedding while they are going to fly back home. For some reason i felt that they are hiding something behind me, until i overheard their conversation, of which what i feared the most had happened.

I remembered i started to pour down crazily as my world is breaking apart. Its as though the earth lurched on its axis and taking me with it. I stood stock still, but my strength was leaving me. Every part of me, my body, head and even fingers were etched with devastation. "i want to see him" i heard myself pleading the same sentence over and over again in tears.

In the middle of pain and tears, i woke up, only to find out that its a dream. I was soaked in tears and sweat. Never in my life i thought that one is capable of feeling so heart broken in his/her dreams.

As a child, i had always frightened when people mentioned about death. I've never told anyone about this fear which secretly reside in me but I remembered when my grandpa passed away when i was 6-7 years old, I couldnt slept the whole night knowing my grandpa was lying lifelessly two rooms away from mine. Its very much an unrealistic silly childhood fear, like some kids scared of Ghost, or bogeyman hiding behind closet.

Last night, when i was wide awake with my swollen eyes, this childhood fear returned to me and threathen to break me apart. Only this time, it was a very sober, realistic fear. Fearing that i'll never able to see my love one again.

The problem is when we are alive and breathing, we don't see death as someone who can knock on our doors anytime. Being alive comes natural to us to an extent that we didn't aware that to be alive itself is an active, working subconscious action. It is only when death suddenly snatched someone away from us, we are forced to realize that death can be so close to us, and to be alive was never a certainty in our life.

I still remembered how hopeless I am a few years ago when i received the call that Peter had met an accident. I was thousands miles away from him during that time and I feared so much that his actual situation was worse than what i've been told and his brother was hiding the truth from me. I was disabled completely and do nothing but crying and praying. It was only after a few days that my heart was able to settle when i finally heard his voice.

I experienced the same fear a few months ago when my friend's dad passed away. Throughout the visit, I was disturbed and unable to articulate the insecurity and restlessness inside of me. On the way back from the funeral, i called my mom and was burst into tears the moment i told my mom about the unfortunate incident. It was then i've finally understood the anxious feelings came from the fear that one day, the same unexpected will happen to my dear parents when i'm far away from home.

I do accept mortality as a fact of life, but the acknowledgment doesn't make it any less painful when thinking about the death of my love ones. Even though I am very comfortable with thinking and discussing about death intellectually, but there is always this uneasy feelings encompassed in me which is yet to resolve whenever i think about the matter. I dont fear my own mortality at all but I'm still learning hard on how to face the sadness at the missing of another, well, the least is not to fear for it.

Sweet talk

Peter and i are not the most romantic couple in the world, but we do enjoy occasionally harmless sweet talks (or rather msn-ing).

wilfredj:
hello, the nasi lemak lady cheat me last time
today she charged me 1.20 when i use my own container
last time she charged 1.40 when i use my own container

me:
huh, so inconsistent

wilfredj:
the only difference between then and now was i asked her if she took off for the month of Ramadhan
lol

me:
hahaha
you charmed her, thats why its cheaper
your charm only worth 20 cent, hahaha

wilfredj:
cis, damn sad

wilfredj:
so how much is my charm to you?

me:
it depends
but your charm damn expensive wei
cost me my whole life

wilfredj:
hahaha, that is goood
the charm was well spent on you :D

The end.

individualist

Those who know me would realized by now that i am quite a individualist and self reliant person. i've done countless things which is weird (to others) but strangely satisfying (to me) such as:

1. Buying a Nike man's sports shoes (in fact its a footie boot) despite of all the funny looks i get;

Which was proven to be a good purchase cuz i am still wearing it till today for my aerobic class

2. Flew to Paris alone and staying in a bare minimum 3 star backpackers hotel at the infamous Montmartre street (which was like the old red light area of chow kit street) where Moulin Rouge is, and climb up to Sacre Coer in the middle of the night just to see the Paris night view.

Of course end up nagged by my churchmates endlessly when i came back from the trip because it was quite dangerous for a girl to wonder like that in a foreign place.

3. Playing simple and repetitive Bigfish time management games like Farm Frenzy and Gourmania religiously every night without fail.

I can finish up a game in 2-3 days time, and hook on it hours after hours to a point of addiction

But the most damaging one is:

4. Bearing many strange principles with regards to life, religion, relationship etc. to an extent that sometimes unintentionally, it polarizes people (especially those who are close to me). Well, this blog is the perfect written testimony for me.

I'm honest to myself in my thoughts, my weakness and strength. I tried to live authentically and truthful to myself everyday as much as possible. I dont care too much about what other people think about me, but i do aware that my strong characters may not fall under 'pleasing' category in other's definition. Well, Peter called me 'stubborn' all the times, my mom always called me 'the daughter who makes me worried the most' as i'm physically away from home for a good 9 years now. (But seriously, my mom get worried over far too many things, from the oily food i ate, extra stones (definitely not pebbles) which i've gained, to my driving skill etc.); my team members will think that i'm too 'demanding' and being anal over petty things like project timelines.

All in all (good or bad), i do enjoy being me...

However the problem is that it does worry me sometimes that deep down in me, this well fed individualist will slowly transform into an egocentric bastard one day. The flesh (or the brain rather) is hedonistic in nature, and it feels good when you do something you like to do; when you can be self approved rather than rely on others recognition; when you live your life idiosyncratically without having the need of companions to feel complete.

However, I'm glad that i have my love ones and dear Lord to keep me at balance. They've taught me the joy of sharing and communion, that i'm incapable of many things if i am an island; that its ok to have difference opinion but still love each other; that no matter how stubborn i am, they will still accept the person i am. Hence, I do believe that being an individualist who advocates independent course in action and thoughts doesn't mean that she/he is or will eventually become a self absorbed, egotistic narcissist .... as long as you have someone.

Urband Legend

This is a weird 2 (stories)-in-1 blog post. It was supposed to be a fiery post but somewhere along the process, the story took a 180 degree turn and ends with a humorous twist. As weird as it sound, i felt as though i was toyed by own emotions and have to bite back all the mixed feelings. Anyway, read on and you will get what i mean.

I was attending this particular training on Export Requirements and CE Marking (of Medical device) organized by this GLC. Well, it was an all paid for kinda training, conducted at some fancy hotel in the middle of hustle bustle of KL city, plus there was free buffet lunch, and morning tea, and evening high tea, so why not...

Well, its a dry and boring topic and i was battling myself to stay awake until the speaker touched on this particular topic on product liability in CE marking. In EU directory on Product liability, it stated that for for all exported goods, any "damages" caused by defective goods may leads to possible lawsuit. In which for those mortality injuries related case, the compensation is not lower than a whopping 70 millions!

One thing which i need to clarify before continue this is that in Quality Assurance terminology, "defect" does not necessarily means faulty, but considered as 'not safe' as the general public is entitled to expect (from the user instruction, labeling etc.)

The speaker quoting this supposedly well known lawsuit which happens in the states to strengthen his case on the product liability subject. An old lady trying to dry her poodle after a bath, she was in a hurry hence she put the poodle into a microwave (thinking that technology do wonders).

The poor thing was poodle no more.

The end.... not quite yet, the traumatized lady went to sue the microwave manufacturer for not putting up "do not microwave your pets" in the user instruction, and won millions.

Everyone was laughing at the story, except me.... in fact i was furious.

Do you think the woman was justified to receive the compensation due to "inadequate user instruction" of the microwave? Hell NO! Because its a sheer stupidity! How can a person be compensated for her own stupidity? Its even more stupid for the jury to allow the lady to take advantages of the loophole in the legislation framework. In my definition, for such cases, stupidity IS a crime. The owner should not only be punished because of her animal abuse act, but also on her attempt to beat the system and make a quick buck out of it.

Another classic examples was discussed: Cigarette smoker and Lung cancer.

It was a clear cut causal relationship between the lung cancer and cigarette smoking. But how on earth there was no lung cancer patient ever successfully sued Dunhill or Marlboro in human history?

The answer is because the smoker never use the same brand of cigarettes throughout their smoking history. In order to sue the manufacturer, the injured person must prove the the causal relationship between the damage and the defect of that specific (brand of the) product. In another words, using the particular brand of cigarette leads to lung cancer.

Again, another example of sheer stupidity! The cigarette companies just maneuver themselves through the system's loopholes and get away with no sweat at all. Whether its to the consumer or to the businessman's advantage, the fact that people can manipulate the truth and fool the legislation system to their whim and fancy is simply stupid.

Example 3, another lady won $2.9 million against McDonald's for spilling a cup of coffee on herself while driving, the accuse was the hot coffee was not labeled as hot.

Do i need to repeat THE word again?

.......

Ok, here come the twist.

I'm still in rage as i spill out the boiling emotions in me words by words ...... until i googled "poodle in microwave". It was like a sudden cold shower treatment and i dont know whether to swear or to laugh.

Poodle in the microwave story is an URBAN LEGEND , a.k.a. an apocryphal, wild exaggerations or a simple hoax which made to believe or plausible enough to be believed.

They even have a photo for it, there goes my photoshoped image

Mr. Google continue to enlighten me that these stories which purport to be geniune legal cases, are phoney lawsuit labelled as stories of Stella Award. The Stella came after a genuine litigant, Stella Lieback which really did sue McDonals's over the coffee spillage, BUT, the truth and nothing but the truth was she didnt win the 2.9 millions and she was severly (third degree) burnt.

Hence, the system wasnt that stupid after all. In fact, the Association of Trial Lawyers of America (ATLA) is upset about the misinformation which undermine the people confidence in the legal system and litigation.

So, i was angry and bewildered with all these excessive emotions, for absolutely nothing. The morale of the story:

One, ALWAYS Read the fine print of user instruction in product packaging

And Two, ..... never believe what Quality Assurance Consultant tells you, although he (self) claimed that he has 20 years field experience.

E2 Why my Job is insanely.... NUTS

Episode 2 of Season 1 Why my Job is insanely (driving me) NUTS.

I was watching "The proposal" a few nights ago. I cant contained my laughter when it reached the scene in the wood where Margaret (Sandra Bullock) turned a Native American thanksgiving dance into some hilarious rapper bogey dance with Gammy.

And somewhere between the laughter and my junk food, a thought sprang up.

With all the headaches of the delays in project deliverables which my team members are giving me now, can this project manager do some kind of rain dance during the weekly team meeting so that the team can deliver on time?

"To the project! To the Bangalore!
Till my team re-turn my calls!
all my cli-ents crawl!"

.....

I'm officially walking down the road of insanity.

Project Alpha: Kenny Sia

Reading Manglish's post on Pikey made my finger itch to write the same, so here comes my post dedicated to a person named Kennysia.

If you'd follow my blog long enough you will know that i'm actually a big fan of Kenny Sia. In fact, i have a post (Kepoism) dedicated to him 4 years back when i'm still a newbie in the blogsphere. *Pardon my poor grammar/vocabulary as i was still struggling to pronounce "palate", "palette" and "pallet" accurately during that time.

I was looking forward to Kenny Sia's Project Alpha episode ever since the show started to go live. It didnt fall short to my expectation actually. It felt totally weird and exciting at the same time to see the man behind the blog so lively not only in words but also in flesh and colors. (Check it out here!) When i watched those infamous disgrace photoshoped images and self directed cat fight videos of his, i couldn't contain my laughter and was bursting out with massive fit of giggle, IN MY OFFICE! * My college must have thought that i am hysterical or what.

Thanks project Alpha, looking at this really made my day!

The thing with KennySia is that i love his early sentimental posts which described his life in Perth, how he detoured from his original path, and came back to this little town named Kuching to inherit his father business, at the same time building up his blogging cliquish bit by bit. It's very much a lifelog, but one that full of laughters and humors definitely. I guess thats very much what real life blogger is all about.

However I've never really met this cheeky blogger in person although we came from the same hometown-bumi kenyalang. I remembered 2 years back when Peter visited my family back in Kuching, he tried to coarse me into setting up a 'date' with Kennysia. Well, if he is not my boyfriend, i would have suspected did he secretly admire him or what. Well the 'blind date' didnt worked out in the end. Although i had followed his blog religiously for 4 years now, be sunshine or rain, i would still prefer to confine the whole bloggers interaction in the virtual or cyberspace world.

Its a very weird theory of mine, which you dont really have to agree to. I've always think bloggers have the luxury of expressing themselves in a way without being prejudicely perceived through race, character or educational background. As such the impression can be judged solely based on their words. The anonymity we have in this virtual world itself is a way of empowering.

(However, its also scary that with the blooming of facebook and twitter and many other social networking gizmo, maybe one day, our virtual identity will become more prominent than our real selves.)

Bloggers may not necessarily hold the title of true friends who have your best interest, they do not necessarily gave you the same esteem as a true friend does. But we cant deny the fact that these group of people share our deepest thoughts and emotions which we usually reserve only for ourselves in this little space called blog.

I'm really enjoying reading random post from 栋物园, Pikey, Manglish, antithesis2, Minishorts although i dont know them personally. In fact reading their blog (and my friend's blog) has become my daily entertainment dose to ease my tension at work.

So guys, please continue to write more cuz my working life will be so boring without your words!

On being doomsday

Inhabiting this internet dominating age, we are bombarded by all sorts of uncensored message and information from various media everyday. Am not talking about the porn, but more of pseudo science fiction which are not so fiction anymore.

Golden example, was having a hi tea conversation with my colleagues and the topic of discussion is about the latest movie advert dominating the gigantic billboard near Phileo Damansara called 2012. I knew nuts about the movie but frankly i love to watch earth doomsday kinda disaster movie (Armageddon, The day after tomorrow etc.) and getting stirred to heightened exhilarating sensory awareness.

In case you dont know, 2012 is a doomsday movie based on the Mayan's calendar. It describes the last day in the Mayan's system on December 21, 2012, in which the earth will be aligned with the sun and the center of the Milky Way for the first time in more than 26,000 years. Now, the thing is, the 2021 myth which was widely spread by this website called "Institute of Human Continuity" has become a religion to many. It irks me that people followed the prophecy religiously in the name of science.

What on earth does this has to do with science?

There are no doubts that Mayans were great astronomers and their calender is more accurate than Gregorian calendar. However, the Mayan Prophecy is wholly based on the assumption that something bad is going to happen when the Mayan calendar runs out. And by forcefully associating the date to doomsday scenario referring to Nibiru collisions, a galactic alignment and solar flare is scientifically unacceptable.

Will the doomsday come one day? According to religious point of view, according to science, according to natural law, yes, of course! Every creation has an end, the only thing which is certain in life is death anyway. But if you think from another perspective, no matter the Doomsday comes or not, our lives is at stake everyday. Who can guarantee that he/she will not die in a road accident or Tsunami or obesity before the doomsday come. If thats the case, why are we felt so threatened by the internet rumors as though the solar flare is the only risk in our life.

Funnily, its not just my scientific thoughts being 'offended', my christianity believes was challenged as well.

Being a Christian, it never ceased to amuse me everytime when some Christian extremist try to relate the Goodnews to the judgement day/Armageddon and follow the so called salvation theology religiously.

"We Christians are not afraid at the doomsday because we will be rapture during Jesus second coming before the happens....." quoting bernama.

What a bunk!

If thats the reason which prompted someone to believe in God, which is by incultivating the fear factor, then i have nothing to say but God bless you.

........

Anyway, just a string of uncensored thought stirred from a high tea conversation.

On Being a woman

i hate myself for being a woman at times. Being a XY species, we need to carry many extra baggage of physiological complication, traditional view of gender roles and worldly stereotyped perception of what woman is like.

Lets talk about the physiological complication of being a woman, apart from having to suffer the monthly menstrual pain and the labor pain, we woman are also haunted by the ghost of the menses named PMS, with dysphoria as one of the most prominent symptom. Am not trying to make an excuse of women being emotional by saying its all biological. However, women being emotional does relates to physiology and not entirely psychology.

Not forgetting the female social conditioning and stereotyping. In general, women is seen to be 'busy body', 'gossiper' etc. And sad to say, I cant deny that some of my own genders are unbelievably 'good' when it comes to bias-ness, backstabbing, gossiping and social cliques-ness.

Thats why i said that sometime i hate myself for being relate to stereotypically viewed women.

i was on the hype of emotions last week. First of all, i was completely pissed with my company management for not admitting their fault although it was a caught-in-red-handed kinda situation. To make it worse, they are tai-chi-ing the fault to ground people like me and my colleague. As such, am contemplating a silent protest to my boss. Luckily i was away from the office for the past few days which enables me to avoid all the unnecessary interaction with him.

I know its emotional, childish and am not proud of the things i'm writing here. Blame it to the Oestrogen, blame it for acting like a normal woman and letting the emotions over ruled me. I dont know how a guy will act in the same kind of situation, smile professionally and accept whatever crap thrown to him, and smartly put a positive spin on things later?

Sadly saying, it really doesnt sound easy at all when you need to endures the abdominal bloating and cramps, headaches and face the unreasonable boss at the same time.

Project Alpha: Being blogger and... Famous

Blogging used to be a personal thing. Its therapeutic, and its a way for insignificant person like me to vent the excessive emotions which is inappropriate for public display. When i first started blogging 6 years ago, blogging was pretty simple, writing a post is a matter of being ad hoc and intuitive, freedom of speech was exercised to the maximum.

During those time, no one got jailed because of blogging

The editor of news portal Malaysia Today, Raja Petra Raja Kamarudin, claimed trial in the Sessions Court here to publishing a seditious article in its website on April 25

No one get free tickets and receiving special treatment from Tony Fernandez because he is a blogger

Kennysia with Tony Fernandez, CEO of airasia

And there is no shows on real life blogger

Project Alpha on top bloggers in Malaysia, hosted by Jojo Struys

At least that holds true untill three years ago when 2 university students decided to establish Asia Pacific's first blog advertising community-Nuffnang.com. Since then, the image of blogger had underwent 360 degrees of transformation. Blogger is seen as funny, full of life, sophisticated, to an extent model for the youngsters of this age who spent more time on internet than getting dirty kicking footballs on the field.

To be frank, I loathed the idea of the so called 'famous' blogger initially, yes their blogs get thousands of hits everyday, they received advertorial sponsorship from chips to beers, even strangers talks about them during mamak session. Finally, a no one John and Jane on the street can became SOMEone. Well, sounds great! but, is there any significance to me, who is on the ground, not fancy of crazy parties and group outings, but enjoy reading blogs with humor and substance?

Dont get me wrong, i am not anti-famous blogger or what. In fact, i read kennysia.com since the day i started to blog and i love his humor to the core. The message i'm trying to convey here is that it is a stereotype that blogger must blog about hangouts with other bloggers, must be advertorial friendly, must lead an interesting and colorful life in order to be a blogger. Seriously, it's ok to blog about insignificance things like your green poops and just be yourself in this space of yours.

I must admit that the idea of Project Alpha is good. It allows people to understand what these bloggers look like in their REAL life. In fact i love the first episode with fourfeetnine, she is natural, funny and very much in "real life". The way she freak out during the real time on air radio recordings and the disfunctional Yoga session are hillarious. However, the PDA (Public Display of Affection) of the couple is a bit erm... too much, but well, i guess thats the added spices of the show.

Photo grabbed from Fourfeetnine.com

The second episode with nicolekiss wasnt that interesting in my definition. It was too 'plastic', (sorry that i couldnt find any better word to describe this). The makeup was perfect, the smile was charming, the arabic style hotel room was fabulous. But i coulnt see the spirit and the fun part of this adventurous girl through the show. Too artificial and polished.

Photo grabbed from http://jojosoulinspired.blogspot.com/

The third episode on redmummy was alright, am not a malay blog follower since my malay vocab is very much limited, but kudos for being a sporty mom and it does amazed me that she can buy Louis Vuitton handbags with money earned from blogging.

Photo grabbed from http://redmummy.com/

And finally, this week is the long awaited episode from Kenny Sia! Cant wait to see the full release. Anyway, do check out here if you are interested.

Green poop

Am declaring another earth shattering discovery of the century. What does the combination of excessive Charcoal tablet plus watery shit gives you?

Green Poop

Was tempted to take a photo but decided not too. Who on earth took pictures of his/her own green poops anyway.

Thanks to the lok lok satay dip which i had last Thursday night, which caused me to have the most painful diarrhea of all time during the past weekend. It started with slight fever and mild stomach iritation on Friday night, well being a blunder i am, i was happily gulping tons of mooncakes down my throat since it was mid autumn (a.k.a. Mooncake) festival's eve. Saturday was the climax whereby my bowel contracted vigorously every 10 mins. I've lose count of how many time i went to the toilet the day itself, but the burning sensation of the a**h** was not something forgettable.

Was high on fever the night itself, not my favourite Saturday night fever by the way. Felt totally disabled both physically and mentally. Luckily i still have a bowl of porridge which Peter had bought for me to help me through the night.

Anyway, am officially done with lok lok with Satay.

The Letter to 15 Years old myself

The first time i heard about Angela Aki, the half Japanese and half Italian American singer, is from the soundtrack of the anime "Blood+", a song called "This love". I straight away fell in love with the depth of emotion in her voice. The song brings out the pain of Saya (the gal in the anime) so vividly which almost made me shed a tear.

The second song which made fell even madly in love for her is the Japanese version of Bob Dylan "Knocking on Heaven's door". That's the best rendition which i've ever heard of the legendary song.

Her song continues to touch me, this time its not directly from her but from a group of students. A song called "Tegami" (translated as the Letter to 15 Years old myself). The lyrics are meaningful as it's about a 15 year old student struggling with life who writes a letter to his/her future self to ask for guidance… and gets a reassuring letter back, telling her/himself not to be defeated though there are many heartaches and pains of growing up, to continue to believe and build the dreams.

Please do have a listen, frankly i'm not really into attach youtube video in my blog, but this is worth a listen.

Dear you, who's reading this letter
where are you and what are you doing now?
for me who's 15 years old
there are seeds of worries, I can,t tell anyone

If it's a letter addressed to my future self,
surely I can confide truly to my self
now it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
for someone who's seemingly about to disappear
whose words should I believe in

This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
in the midst of pain, I live the present
live in the present

Dear you, thank you
I have something to tell the l5-year-old you
if you continue asking what and where you should be going
you'll be able to see the answer

The rough seas of youth, may be thought
but row your boat of dreams on
towards the shores of tomorrow

Now, please don,t be defeated and please don,t shed a tear
during these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
just believe in your own voice

For me as an adult there are sleepless nights when I am hurt
but I'm living the bittersweet present
there's meaning to everything in life
so build your dreams without fear
keep on believing

Seems like I'm about to be defeated and cry
for someone who's seemingly about to disappear
whose words should I believe in ?
please don,t be defeated and please don,t shed a tear

During these times when you were seemingly about to disappear
just believe in your own voice
no matter era we're in
there's no running away from sorrow

So show your smile, and go on living the present
go on living the present

Dear you, who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness

Why my job is insanely.... RETARDED

This will be a series of entries of "why my job is insanely... "

CRM (Customer Relationship Management) is really a retarded work which i have to do everyday. What happen when you meet up with a customer who hates your boss to the core but still have a project in collaboration with your company?

"Your boss is MEGALOmaniac" said the customer, who also happened to be a well respected and renowned professor.

* Dont know what is MEGALOmaniac means, the nearest thing which i can relate to is MEGALOcephalus, the extinct Tetrapod species with BIG skull as signature *

MegaloCephalus

* My facial expression looks distorted cuz dunno to laugh or to agree *

"By the way, you can tell that exact sentence which i've told you to your boss." said the emo customer.

... back in office ... told the same to the boss when he asked hows the meeting.

"Told you she hates me, you go and tell her that she is MEGALOdramatic as well" said the boss, who also happened to be a well carried and business savy C.E.O.

* Eyes Rolling *

On being a housewife

Many don't know that i would love to leave my job (without any hesitation) to become a housewife. I've always envisaged myself wearing a polka dots apron, cooking not just great but fabulous dinner, scrubbing the floor til its spotless, leaving my personal touch at every corner of the house so that it feels homey, oh... nothing beats a house filled with sweet fragrance of freshly baked cakes. And of course MOST importantly, I want to take care of my family and made them happy.

I guess its really a women thing whereby no matter how enjoyable a lady's single life can be (successful career with high pay, great party companions, frequent traveling etc.), there is always a psychology void (quoting Manglish's word) inside her which craves for a home of her own. The desires started in a form of "家家酒" (a.k.a. masak-masak) game which all the girls love to play when we are young, and as we grew older, the desire expands like a black hole into a vivid picture of an ideal home. Day by day, more shapes and colors were added into this castle built in the air. And this inner child in us who loves to play the 家家酒 can never be satisfied until this virtual castle finally taken its physical form in the reality life.

Like any other kids, i have a fond memories of playing 家家酒 when i was young. However, the game which was my favorite past time was not a reality of my life. Don't get me wrong, i have the most loving parents in the whole world. They have labored all their life to raise us up, providing the meal on the table each and everyday, giving us the opportunity to have tertiary education, even to an extent of supporting me to study aboard although we are not rich in the context of material life.

However, every time when i think about my mom, the first picture comes into my mind is her wrinkled face that aged so much over the years of hard labors. It sadden me that i couldnt even remember any mother & daughter fun time we had when i was young. She work full time for thirty over years, from a government servant to Kindergarten teacher and now a Principal, and she never have a break which is longer than her maternity leave. On top of that she is also a fulltime homemaker, a wife and a mother. The years of hard labor had taken its effect as her body deteriorates so much after she hit menopause a few years ago. Some times i couldnt help thinking that maybe she will be much more happy if she is a simple full time housewife.

Looking at the life my mom led for the past 30 years, it was a crystal clear message to me that walking down the same road does not gurantee happily ever after. And maybe becoming a full time homemaker is not a bad idea at all. In fact, I can see myself as an equal partner in the marriage, despite not being the bread winner. The role of a homemaker is simple indispensable in today's family constitution.

Does it mean that i will quit my job to become a full time housewife after walking down the isle? Not sure what my future other half will think * chuckles * but out of all the XX species that i know, he is definitely the man with the least 'Chinaman' character, the concept of Man-must-be-the-provider-and-wife-must-be-submissive-and-stay-at-home was never in his dictionary. In fact, he likes the idea of being a house husband equally as me.

Seriously, although I do find the idea of being an excellent homemaker sounds fantastic,but i think i would also go bonkers (sooner or later) doing nothing but cooking, cleaning and watching soap drama on the tele everyday.

Its like the tortured souls in Dante's Inferno, pushing giant boulders up the hill over and over again, for eternity. In fact, scholar said that insanity is nothing but doing the same thing over and over again. Being a workaholic who cant stand boring, non challenging, repetitive work, I'm not sure will there be a day that the house chores and kids (or gargoyles, as what Peter always said) eventually turn into the boulders which drive me to road of insanity.

Maybe its human nature whereby we tend to think that grass is greener at the other side. After spending 3 years working full time, its only normal that the idea of being a full time homemaker sounds appealing to this office lady who works day in and day out to make ends meet.

Ok, so no conclusion this time.
yes.. yes... i know i'm contradicting myself again.