His departure

My sincere condolence to Sister Cassy and Raymond's family for the lost.

Although i've never met Raymond before, my heart saddened so much by his departure. Rest assured this is not an end, but a departure, of which he had left this earthy tent (our physical body) for a building which is made by God Himself.

2nd Cor 5:1 “Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."

Drowned in tear of sadness

Utterly speechless, that was my first reaction when i saw the email from company CEO the moment i opened up my M. outlook this morning.

Dear Friends,

Greetings! I am hosting a lunch for our Ex-VP for Business Development, Dr. XX to show our appreciation to him! The lunch is as follows:

Time: 1pm.
Place: Fatty Crab Restaurant
Tissue Paper: Facial Grade, Bring Yourself (this applies specifically to Susan who has served loyally under Dr. XX, so you can wipe your tears of sadness! Susan may also need the tissue paper in future, as she will serve under me! Tears of sadness!)

From CEO

Sigh, i'm already missing my dear sir.

Thank you my dear sir

Dear Sir,

It has been only 3 years, but i felt like i know you for ages.

I was a young naive girl back then, i dont know much about the corporate life and the reality of this business world. I was fresh out from university, believing that this first job is the platform where i will shine and excel, i will translate my many years of textbook churning into practical use.

Boy, how wrong was i. Never in my life i felt like i'm so stupid, i dont know how to deal with the shrewd businessman, i dont even know how to take part in the conversation during client meeting. Sometimes i felt as though i've merge into the background while the crowds are happily talking to each other, i was the observer who happen to sat on the same table, but doesnt belong to the cliche. i kept waiting for the chance for someone to notice me, and ask me, "So, Susan what do you think?". But there arent any.

It was a wakening call to me that i'm just acedemically smart, but other than the A's in the transcripts, i has no place outside the University green house. And when i started to question myself have i made a wrong decision by taking up the job, you make me aware that Sir, there you are. You are my superior, you are my teacher, but moreover you are my friend.

You taught me how to be worldly smart, how to protect myself at the same time let my presence be felt by others, but you taught me much more than just the lesson of this world. You taught me how to treasure family and friends, how to value and enjoy life, how to harnesh the potentials in me which i've never realized.

I remember the hours and hours of long journey on the road when we travel up north and down south. How we both teared when we talked about our families and whats important in life; how we laughed at the donkey things which we did in our university days; how we gained so much of weight because of all the dim sum and nasi kandar we ate. You make the work so much fun and easy all the time.

Dear Sir, I will miss you so much when you're gone. Its my sincere wish that you'll do great in your future endeavors, and i hope that one day i'll be able to co-work with you again.

Yours truly,
Susan

I (used to) have a dream

I had an enlightment talk with my colleague the other day, about having childhood dreams (those days we called it ambitions) and how they were never realized. Coincidentally, i read a post about the same topic during my random blog browsing a few days before. A girl who wanted to become a police woman but was laughed by others because she is overweight, ironically, she shed all her extra lipid but no longer crave for the same ambition.

Here comes my two cents.

Does it ever strike you that the childhood dreams was hardly the reality of your life? Even if its a yes, living the dream life isn't that earth-shattering exciting and spectacular like what we thought it was.

I have dreams, or maybe i should say i used to have dreams, in fact there are many of them. I used to dream on those rainy nights, sleepless nights, when i'm alone, sitting beside the window, waiting for the bus to come..... well, one good thing about dreaming is there is absolutely nothing you cant dream about, not even the sky is the limit.

I used to dream that one day i will sing and sing and sing for all my life. I thought that it was THE calling, the sole purpose of my life which i need to live up to no matter how much it cost me.

I used to dream the same as what Martin Luther king, Jr dreamed (1963, Lincoln Memorial)

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough place will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

It will be a day when there is no more inequality, violence, poverty, oppression. A sight of great magnificent that will awed me completely.

I used to dream of having a boyfriend who can sing like (or look like) Ewan Macgregor (blame it to Moulin Rouge), someone who can makes the butterflies in my stomach flapping wild and my knee goes weak. I used to dream of being a housewife who kiss and see the husband off to work every morning, and bear hug him in lovely apron with a hint of glorious chicken soup smell when he came back.

I used to dream... many many dreams
.... until reality of life strikes me hard on my face, and thats when i realized that i'm a grown up.

Dreams are wishful thinkings, a self deceived visual image in our mind which help us to get through the reality, thinking the best are yet to come.

Dreams is always perfect, but human are flawed. Circumstances changes how we think, how we connect with others... its about us taking different paths, wanting different things in different stage of our life. Sometimes, to pursue the dream itself is against what is best for us. What make us think that a child of 6 knows what life is about? is it really true that our childhood dream which we figured out with our yet-fully-developed pea sized brain is the direction and purpose of our life?

Of course i still sing, in traffic jam, showers, church, but it can never be my sole passion and purpose of my life; I'm still waiting for the world to change, a utopia which spells for impossible, but that doesnt stop me from living in the moments; i still believe in the one and only, but i know being loved by him always and all time surpass the need of being a homemaker who wears lacy apron.

Am not condemning those who are pursuing their dreams, in fact, there are some dream achievers among us. But we called them the odds, the outliers who falls outside the normal distribution of the bell's curve. Most of us are ordinary people described in John Legend's song, we dont know which way to go, but we can take it slow.

I used to dream, but now i hope. It's about looking forward to something that is real and truly of valuable to me. Something which i find is enough, while knowing there is better out there but its not meant for me.

And the trick of it is work hard, but let Life presents itself.