Are you Chinese enough?

Peter asked me the other day, what's the story behind the mid autumn festival. 

I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but in order to show him that I am a true Chinese of substance, I started to tell him bit and pieces of whatever mid autumn folktales I can dig from my Chinese root. I told him about the sky was once filled 10 suns, the archer Hou Yi went and shoot down the 9 suns in order to save the people from suffering, but for some reason his wife travels to the moon and got stuck there. But there was another story about the origin of mooncakes, whereby the villagers planted the message in the mooncakes so that everyone was called to rebel against the ruling government on the mid autumn day. 

Anyway, Peter looked kinda lost after listened to my disoriented story.

 *embarrassed*

I have to admit that I felt kinda embarrassed. The whole conversation started in the first place because I invited Peter to my friend's place for the mid-autumn customary 'moon-gazing' and moon-cake eating. It's kinda ironic that I couldn't explain to my non-Chinese husband what's mid autumn festival is all about when we Chinese are so gung ho about celebrating it. To make it worse, none of my Chinese friends knew about the full story of mid autumn festival either. 

Frankly speaking, in general, Malaysian Chinese aren't really that "chinese" as we claimed ourselves to be. I can't speak for others, but if I take myself as an example,  I don't know much about the Chinese philosophy like Confucius's春秋; I am least Chinese when it comes to observe the tradition. To make it worse, I don't even look like a Chinese, as many have mistaken me for the Sarawak's natives as I don't have the Chinese stapled slit eyes (mata sepet) and fair skin. In a way, I think we are more Malaysian than Chinese in many ways. This is not really a surprise considering for Chinese of my generation, we live our whole life in the country which basically a melting pot of different cultures and ethnics.    

However, with that being said, I do appreciate my heritage and my root as a Chinese. I was raised in as a Chinese and can never be less of a Chinese no matter how much the surroundings change and what the circumstances are. My understanding towards the Chinese history and teaching may not be all that great, but at least I do see the beauty of the Chinese values such as the importance of the family; the cultivation of morality and the emphasis on hard work and achievement. 

Anyway, happy mid autumn festival folks!

Lantern decoration @mid autumn festival, 2013

Best trip ever!

Peter and I went to Taiwan early this month. It was a long awaited holiday, and I am really glad that the trip totally worth the wait. 

Instead of staying in the Taipei city, we went to visit many scenic places this time around, such as Yi Lan and Hua Lian. We went biking, hiking, whale (more like dolphin) watching, swimming etc., basically every outdoor activities you can think of. On top of that, everywhere we go, we went hot springs-dipping, not just once, but 3 times! We even managed to check ourselves into a surfer's hostel, which is smacking right in front of one of the most beautiful beach I've ever seen before.

Just to give you glimpse of what Taiwan is all about:

Isn't it such a breath taking view? This was taken at Tarako Gorge in Hua Lian, basically you need to climb up 1km of 45 degrees steep staircase in order to see this view. 

This is Yehliu Geopark, one of the famous wonders in the world. The rock weathering, wave attack and earth movement has contribute to the formation of such a rare geological landscape.

Anyway, these are just appetizers - random pictures I've taken using my pathetic samsung phone's camera. I will show you the full horizon of my Taiwan trip in the subsequent posts, stay tuned!

Hey there

Hey there, it has been a while.

Many started to ask me whether or not I have gave up blogging. Well, the answer is definitely not, it wasn't that easy to just simply quit like that after blogging for so long. But on the other hand, for some reason, I failed to find the motivation nor the need to pour out so freely like I used to. It's not that my life has been mundane and uneventful, in fact many interesting events happened in the past 4 months- I have landed myself with a new job (finally after 6 years!); managed to accomplish some of the tasks in my 30 before 30s list; went to Bangkok with the girls and etc., but strangely enough, the need to capture all these moments in words, in sentence, was simply no there. 

For many years, blog has been a very faithful friend of mine. For my friends who I didn't get the chance to talk/ hangout that much, i guess the blogger persona was the outlet for the rest of myself to them. It was a persona which I really enjoyed, cuz in my mind, I am a more interesting person in my blog rather than in real life. I don't know about other bloggers, but most of time, I tend to 'over-writing' it, not exaggerating, but more like accentuating it with flowery vocabulary or beautifying it with some sepia filtered pictures, so that the story is more interesting or appealing rather than just another day-to-day updates.

However, sometimes I wonder for those who read my blog, do they make connection between my writing and the person who I really am? Maybe I should try to engage more with them in real life rather than relying on the writing-publish-waiting for comment-replying comment as means of interaction with them. BUT, whenever I think about quitting blogging, I have to admit that I got a little bit scared inside, if I don't document these event somehow, will I forget about it eventually? will  I simply drift across things, passing through everyday repetitively, and never able to find any significant milestones to define my life?

I think it's only human nature that we like to look into the past to define who we really are today. And for this reason alone, I have diligently and religiously documenting my life for the past 7 years in this little blog, so that I will never forget who I was and what I achieved in those years. But as I'm growing older and slowly going down the path of losing my "innocence", the need to be consistently proving to myself and to others who I really am is no longer essential. 

Is it a cliche to say that I am a more matured person now?  

I guess aging really changes people.

Anyway, I guess I am back to blogging now. 

Embracing a Clean Slate

I was away from blogging routine for quite some time now but not without reasons. Many things occurred lately, some are petty; some are crucial and potentially life changing. And I do felt the immense urge to share, however I have to bit my tongue after some second thought, nowadays internet has become the most convenient space for people to dig for information. I definitely dont want others to use my own words  against me in future.    

If I were to sum up what I felt for the past 2 weeks with a single sentence, This will be the right one. 

"Don't waste your time with explanations, People only hear what they want to hear." Paulo Coelho 

I find that too many effort and time has been vested and wasted in this action called "giving explanation". Whether its through writing emails or speaking through phone or direct face-to-face meeting, people demand some sort of explanation when things went wrong, which in the past I would gladly comply. Many times, I would offer long and detailed explanation, as scientifically and logically as possible. However, one thing which I came to realized is that, no matter how good your explanation is, people only hear what they want to hear.

The realization bugged me for many days and nights, I'm mourning for my stupidity for being the subject of convenient blame, but at the same time, I'm determined, to hold myself back and to explain no more. The next thing come to me is that, I need a clean slate, which does not require begging others to listen to my explanation. 

Anyway, only time can tells whether the slate is truly 'clean'. The good thing about a new year is that whatever happens in the past now is in the rear view mirror. I know nearly a month had passed since the starting of the new year and although I'm still in the shit cleaning state at the moment, but I'm really looking forward to a year with a clean slate whereby there are fresh new opportunities for me to improve myself and my current life.

This year I'm marching into 30s', but I believe that the best has yet to come. 

Yeah, better days are coming.

New year

2013 had started, yesterday in fact. 

For some reason, I feel like I'm still somehow lagging behind when the rest of the world has marched into the new year.I didn't had the moment of epiphany now that I'm finally 30 (by birth year not birth day); 1/1/2013 didn't felt any difference from any other normal day; heck, I still couldn't get used to the "2013" whenever I pen down the date. 

That being said, it doesn't mean that we didn't had a good day on the 1st day of 2013. My family and I went for a good lunch at La Risata, followed by watching The Hobbit yesterday. La Rista's squid ink pasta was superb, and the Hobbit makes me wanna re-watch The Lord of Ring series all over again.

Picture taken from here. CAPELLINI AL NERO CON FRUTTI DI MARE (RM35). Angel hair pasta with prawn, squid & roasted cherry tomatoes in a squid ink sauce

For some, new year celebration can be all about partying and letting themselves loose, but starting a new year on a right foot takes more than just great food and movie. A clean slate I would call it. Like what Pi said in The Life of Pi, “It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.” So when the world is still basking in the new year celebration, I had my share of quiet time with my close friends to reflect and ponder. 

We talked about how 2012 was for each of us, our gratitude, our gain, our insufficiency, our lost, our fear but mostly our prayer for the new year. It was quite awkward at first, everyone seemed to be reluctant to break the ice. Then, the first one spoke, followed by the second, third, and without even knowing it, the conversation flowed effortlessly, we talked and talked, laughed and cried, one after another, without any cue at all. And then we started to pray. The prayer went on for a long long time, in fact it was the longest that I've ever remembered. When the sound of fireworks came from afar, we were still deep in prayer, and no one realized the fact that we've missed the new year countdown ritual.

In a way I'm really glad that we had that night. Not rushing into new year resolution, but to reflect and encourage one another. And I know it takes a lot of gut to look into whats beneath the layers and layers of pretentious we clothed, everyday in and out. But I knew for sure when we are honest about ourselves in front of others, it brought some form of closure and freedom.

Have a blessed year ahead. 

And she said yes

Last weekend was all about wedding, and I thought that I'm too old to be a "Ji Mui". Boy I was right. Experiencing the whole process again after a year (since my very own wedding) was as tiring as I can remember.    

The bride was one of my girl friends whom I've known the longest (mind you I don't have that many), 11 years to be exact. We were neighbors since our college days, and I used to "tumpang" (as my fellow Malaysian would say) at her small little room during my KL-UK trip those days. And boy oh boy, time really flies. It seems like just yesterday when her current husband then not-yet-boyfriend was still courting her. It stirred up alot of emotions in me seeing her said yes and finally became his wife after 7 years of courtship.

Back to my point, I am really too old for this thing called wedding. I stayed overnight at her place the night before wedding, and supposed to wake up at 630am the next morning. I couldnt sleep the whole night for some reason, woke up with puffy eyes and started the whole drill of getting ready -  make up artist / photographer / videographer came - prepare the tea for tea ceremony - lots and lots of photography session - leave the place to go to groom's place - another tea ceremony - more photography session etc. By the time the whole procession end, it was 1.30 pm, and I have to quickly rush back home, had a small nap and then went for the wedding dinner reception. By the time I reached home last night (or early morning) at 12 something, I was totally flat, but thank God I'm excused from the "playing games with the grooms and  groomsman session, if not the damage would have been even greater.

So the conclusion is, wedding is tiring! Don't get me wrong, I am really happy for my friend and felt honored to be able to be of some help to her, but seriously, after went through the whole bride thingy myself and being a 2 times bridesmaid and a 2 times Ji mui/ wedding coordinator, I think I would like to "retire" from this whole wedding "business" if I can. While I had stayed simple with mine, it always baffled me every time I heard about the sophisticated plan for weddings and the amount of moolah couples willing to spend for a single day. With that being said, its not my wedding, and its a matter of personal choices. So as long as they are happy, i'm also happy for them. BUT then, I am so glad that Peter is on the same page with me when it comes to these things. ;)

Anyway, my heart goes to the newly wed couple and I hope they will enjoy the companionship of each other in a deeper way in the days ahead.

Happy 31

It was Peter's BIG 31 last Monday. I wanted to give him a special birthday by treating him a 3 course lunch at a proper restaurant since I have an off day from work. After alot of online research, I have chosen DISH of the Delicious group as there are many good reviews about their food. They are famous for its steaks, wines and cheeses, but also the relaxing and surreal ambiance of the restaurant. I would like to think that the factors determining a first class dining experience is not just good food, but also good environment. Oh, not forgetting good companion as well.  

Well, it turns out quite ok, the food didn't really blown us away, but it was quite a nice experience overall. This was the first time I had a 3 course western meal by a proper chef. In fact its not just some other chef,  its Consultant Chef Steve Allen. There’s been a buzz about DISH ever since chef Steve Allen took over and rolled out a new menu. The British chef is used to be head chef with famous Gordon Ramsay at Claridge’s in London.

Check out Gordon and his team (see 4, Steve Allen)

Previously I wasn't a big fan of Gordon Ramsay because I think his personality and foul words and bigger than his cooking, but after watching his latest show Ultimate Cookery Course on Channel 4, it sort of changed my perspective, in fact I like most of his recipe as it has a well balance ingredients with added Asian twist. Anyway, go watch the show if you like to cook at home, highly recommended.

Gordon Ramsay's ultimate cookery course

Anyway, back to the food. Here comes the menu. 

We started with some of the complements from the restaurant, which consisting of fried aubergine with dipping sauce, watermelon with feta cheese, and crispy Ciabbata bread with herb-ish butter, balsamic vinegar and olive oil.

I enjoyed the fried aubergine tremendously, great texture, great flavors.  

Next is our starters. Avocado tempura, crab mayonnaise and apple dressing for Peter. Cured Halibut Carpaccio, pickled  cucumber and mascarpone for me. The Crispy avocado tempura was our favourite, no wonder the Chinese called them the "butter fruit" because its has the richness of butter and the freshness taste of a fruit. Halibut has a very creamy texture but I would still preferred beef / pork carpaccio over fish. 

Here comes our main, braised wagyu beef cheek, horseradish mashed potatoes, fricasee of mushroom for Peter, and sauteed fillet of salmon, truffle gnocchi and red wine fish sauce for me. Wagyu beef cheek was so tender and it nearly melted in the mouth, mashed potatoes was very creamy but we didn't get the hint of the horseradish. My salmon was alright, nothing special but the portion was seriously over generous.

Last but not least, our desert cheeseplatter and the passion fruit creme brule with a cup of coffee/tea. Unfortunately the dessert was a huge let down. The cheese platter comes with 4 type of cheese along with some other small bites like apple, raisins, walnut, crackers. According to the waiter the cheese are consisting of bree, cheddar, goat and cabot (or something sound like that) cheese. For some reason, the cheese doesn't goes well with our Asian pallet at all. I mean I've tried cheddar and goat cheese before, but it wasn't as bad as what the DISH served. There is this cheese in the platter which has a very pungent and stagnant smell which makes me felt like throwing up. To make it worse, it started to attract bugs! And I cant help but feel sorry for Peter for having such a bad ending to a great meal for his birthday. 

My creme brule have the perfect crisp outside, softy inside texture but it was a slight too sweet. The passion fruit taste was very evident in the creme brule but it was out-shined by the bitter chocolate ice cream. 

All in all, i think it was an good meal (taking the cheese platter aside). We enjoyed the atmosphere there and the overall dining experience.   

Last but not least, another pictures of the man himself, happy 31! Hope we have a great year ahead.

The BIG 30

* Take a deep breath * It's less than a year before the BIG 3 comes. Can you imagine that? Its so true that time wait for no ones.

Lately every time when the girls and I hang out, somehow this topic of being 30 will inevitably surfaced in our conversation. We'll said things like we must do some crazy shit thing before turning 30, maybe going to some exotic island for a holiday without our husband (actually its just me) and boyfriends; wearing sexy bikini and had the most memorable celebration of our youth before we wave it goodbye etc.

But putting those crazy ideas aside, seriously, when the day comes, I want to celebrate the great 30 years  I've lived instead of mourning for its end. Although there are ups and downs, but I've achieved many great feats which I think I can be proud of. And the funny thing is if i put myself in the shoes of my younger self, I would have never anticipated that life at 30 will be so much different from what I've planned since I was young.

When I was young, I have this funny thought that I am in the process of preparing myself to live THE real life, which is something yet to happen, who I'll be, where I'll go, what I'll do... In my head I have pictures and plans cataloged and stored for the day when my real life begins, because when it finally comes, I'm damn sure it will be BIG like Katy Perry's firework - show them what my worth, let them go ah- ah -ah, as I shoot across the sky.  Harboring this belief, I was eager for the moment of ignite-the-light-and-let-it-shine to come.

You would have guessed by now that the moment never comes. Before I've even realized it, a series of events took place- I fell in love, went to study abroad, graduated, landed myself with a job back home, bought a car and an apartment with Peter, got married and then the BIG 30 is smacking right in front of me. Wow! where the hell did my grandeur plan of REAL life goes?

And then, I came to realize that: There will never be a life changing, earth shattering MY-LIFE-HAS-FINALLY-BEGUN moment, because life is right now. However, by sheer luck or divine intervention, some of the pictures which I have painted for my REAL life were miraculously realized somehow throughout these years without much cautious effort. For example, bag packing to a country which I've never been before, alone, is one of the priorities in my catalog. But I've did that 6 years ago when I visited Paris! And it was an ad hoc spur of the moment decision without much planning at all!

When I was 23.....

So I've asked myself now, I'm living my real life now, and soon I will be 30, have all the pictures in my mental catalog became a reality? So I tried to list some, well, not just some... 30 actually. So that this will be my resolution for the next few months. Thirty things to do before I'm thirty, maybe big maybe little, but it must be new. Maybe not a big deal to most, but it will make the 30 years of my life chapter complete.

Here is comes the BIG 30:

1. Go for a dessert buffet
2. Re connect with 1 lost friend
3. Highlight my hair 
4. Do a message in a bottle and throw into the sea
5. Plant a tree or grow a garden
6. Get a piece of art for the living room 
7. Write a will
8. Have a bon fire at the beach
9. Do a dance performance 
10. Tell a stranger about the my life story
11. Attend evening mass in the church which Peter and I got married
12. Run a marathon 
13. Travel to another country with girl friends
14. Buy something for myself which cost more than RM1K  
15. Volunteer in a soup kitchen
16. Make myself a cup of cappuccino with latte art 
17. Watch a sunrise on a hill
18. Go to a dress up party
19. Eating a burger with at least 3 layers of meat patties
20. Go to a concert of my favourite band
21. Take a photo with someone famous
22. Attend a non work related workshop 
23. Had a candle light dinner with my love one
24. Make a souffle 
25. Participate in a singalong session or flash mob in public 
26. Try the best Char siew ramen in town 
27. Have a proper dance with Peter
28. Watch a theater / famous musical (Peter Pan doesn't count)
29. Go for a movie marathon
30. Invent something new

Anyone wanna join me in my BIG 30?

The brain is wider than the sky

Meet the new love of my life.

His name is Joshua, a 1 year old boy who is super alert, smart and just started to walk! Its not like I understand what's the level of intelligence a 1 year old should have, but I was constantly amazed by the way he responded to instruction and music, and how alert he is to new things happened around him. His spongy brain absorbing tons of knowledge like there is no end. 

Its funny that when we get older we no longer absorb information as well as we used to be when we are young. I don't have a scientific explanation to this but I think it's because when we get older, as we know more and more, it reach a state that we just lose interest with simple things in life. We started to subconsciously filtering information which received by our senses and before we realized it, only sophisticated and extra ordinary things can excite / stimulate us. It's such as pity that our brain is conditioning to only taking in new information when they are so called significant or serve our purpose, for example boring stuff like job related knowledge. I hope we can always remember the inner child in us, not just by heart, but by brain as well. 

I like to play with my mobile phone, yeah yeah

Baby Joshua like to see new things. He got hooked on every little things like the strangers walking passed him; the birds flying in the sky; barking sound of the neighbor's dogs and even how the vacuum cleaner works. 

I like to clap when i heard clapping sound. I like to blow big kiss and making big "puttttt" sound on someone else's arms using my mouth

There is this beautiful poem by Emily Dickinson (1830–86)

THE BRAIN is wider than the sky,
For, put them side by side,
The one the other will include
With ease, and you beside.  

The brain is deeper than the sea,
For, hold them, blue to blue,
The one the other will absorb,
As sponges, buckets do.

The brain is just the weight of God,
For, lift them, pound for pound,
And they will differ, if they do,
As syllable from sound.

The Brain is Wider Than the Sky is not just a sciences of a biological organ, but a state of mind, an attitude and aptitude towards life. I hope as baby Joshua growing up day by day, he will not just continue to learn more and more things, but more so find joy in learning.

How to deal with Loss?

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Key in my surname at the pop up to continue to read.

Its only a means, no biggie

I was in the office 630am yesterday morning. It was eerily quiet as the rest of the world is still sleeping, but I have a task to focus on - to get the work done before my boss step in at 9am. It was a precious 2 and half hours which I really enjoyed. Sometimes I would work in the dark, because the serenity reminds me that I'm all by myself. Have you ever experience the quietness of a place devoid of human presence, when usually its always full of people and their sound of chattering? The stark contrast makes the silent appear to be even more silent. That's when my mind is crystal clear, and my productivity is at its best. If I manage to clear all the task before 830pm, I'll get to sit back and enjoy a cup of hot coffee. 

The smell of the aroma in an empty office, that's the way I like it.

Despite of all the crap my boss is giving me, I'm still enjoy my job in a moment like this. Am not saying that I love my job nor I'm a blissfully contented employee. I'm just being practical, if you can't do anything to change it, you might as well enjoy it. 

To be totally honest, it used to bug me alot that I don't really like my job, but somewhere along the line I have come to terms with myself that I need not to be totally in love with my job in order for me to do it. Many have touted about loving the job you do or do the job you love, but maybe its really not such a big deal after all. I don't know how many people are aspired to achieve that, but even for an idealist like me I have to admit that loving your job is not as important as what we've been led to believe. Of course there can be one in a millions like Mark Zuckerberg, those minority who are lucky to find the work they love that also support their lifestyle  But for you and me, those who works day in and out to make ends meet, job is just a means, its not your entire life. 

I used to look for the perfect job, job which i think I can excel and shines like a star, yet totally passionate about it. But it was a futile effort and I think many would agree with with me. No job will be ever perfect, if you found the job from the right profession, you would crave for the right boss, when you found the right boss, you would crave for right colleagues, then right career advancement, right environment, right pay, and even the coffee the tea lady serve you would have to be right as well. 

There is this un named friend and shall remain un named that once said that he had lost his direction in life as he is no longer passionate about his job. But again, does being passionate about the job fulfills our lives? So I did not landed my dream job, but that still didnt stop me from finding enjoyment in my work. I took pride in the output of my work and was genuinely happy when my boss acknowledged the fact that I'm doing my best. And if you ask me why I'm putting effort in something which i didn't love, its because we all need the moolah to make a living, and money is a means for me to do things which are far more important in life, like travelling to places I never been before, buying the book I like, pamper myself occasionally with girls night out. And that defines my life, not my job. Not passionate about my job does not make my life less fulfilling nor make me a lesser person compare to those who passionate about their job. 

Anyway, enough of the mental fart, I need to go back to my work before I can enjoy my cup of coffee and talk about fulfilling my life which doesnt involves anything to do with job. 

27, 29

I stumbled across this post named 21,23,25 last night when I'm trying to update the labels of my old posts. It was written nearly 4 years ago, which was a simple exercise of re-discovering myself. It brought back so much of memories, and it was such a great joy to see how my life was back in those days. They were just simple answers to some common questions, but when these answers were presented in a sequential manner according timeline, it almost felt like a life log, a log which shows the progression of my life over the years.

So in order to continue the ritual, here comes my 27 and 29.  

2 years ago

1. How old were you?: 27

2. Where did you go to school?: I am glad that I no longer required to go to school. I mean the hanging out with course-mates part was fun, but the examination was dreadful. In fact, I still have stupid nightmares about not able to finish revision / exam on time now and then.

3. Where did you work? Still the same company. At Mines, as a Product Manager of a biotech firm

4. Where did you live? It was still the box-like 800 square feet flat at Genting Klang with 2 other housemates, but I was in the process of moving into our own house. I had enjoyed the place although the lift always smell like urine, and the noise never ceased day and night. I guess its the companionship which makes the whole lot different. Sometimes, I still miss the late night chat I had with Sam, my dear sister and a friend whom I can always count on and whom I can cry together with. 

Our humble little place, we don't even have a proper table back then!

5. Where did you hang out? Probably at home most of the time. My life was kinda mundane back then, I dont hang out with friends that much. Partly due to the fact that I was still trying to figure out how would I fit into this grand scheme of life which was slowly taking it shape after 3 years came back from UK. It was a period of transition from single to soon be married, so alot of stuff to ponder and to decide.   

6. What's your biggest achievement? Was engaged considered as achievement? :) Oh, and we had finally bought a place we can called our home.

7.Who was your bff(s): Peter and my kupo gang. My girl friends are wacky and fun!!

Kupo trip to Melaka.

8. What car did you drive? Still my same old Myvi

9. Had you had your heart broken? Can you imagine a 27 years old still complain about heart breaks?

10.Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Engaged ;)

Photo taken on the night he proposed

Today

1. How old were you? 29

2. Where did you go to school? No! Do I still have to answer this question every two years for the rest of the my life? I'm officially deleting this question. 

3. Where did you work? Still with the same company! It has been freaking 5 years!!! I need a change! 

4. Where did you live? My HOME!!!

It has been nearly 2 years since we moved in and owned this little nest called home, there are many nights when I'm lying on my bed smelling my smelly pillow, and suddenly felt that I am the happiest person in the world. Contentment is when you are exactly where you belong. 

5. Where did you hang out? Church and my kitchen. Peter and I love to host dinner for our friends and family. Partly due to our new found interest- cooking and baking! Well, food tasted the best when its shared with many. ;)

6. What's your biggest achievement? Was getting married consider as an achievement?;) 7 years of courtship was finally sealed with a pair of rings. 

7.Who was your bff(s): Its still Peter and my kupo gang. My girl friends are still super wacky and fun to hang out with although they might really turn into kupo soon. hahaha...

8. What car did you drive? My forever faithful MyVi

9. Had you had your heart broken? Am deleting this question too. 

10.Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Happily married. 

How many more years will you live?

Yes, mine is 51 years. 

Hmm.... which makes me 80 years old by then. Well, at least my medical insurance plan covers me til 80 years old. Phew....

The logical question you would ask me is how accurate is this system. This Life Expectancy System is developed by Malaysian Statistics Department with the aim to give a description on the estimated average remaining life of the individual. The algorithm was generated based on Malaysian mortality rates using the Coale-Demeny (West) and the Brass Logit model. Please don't ask me what does it really mean. Since the name of the model sounded pretty impressive I assume that its a very sophisticated statistical analysis model.   

Anyway, go ahead and try out yourself. I wouldn't say its a dodgy system. 

To think about it, 51 years sound way too LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG....

Remember the Justin Timberlake's movie- In time? I wonder what would I do if I know exactly how long more I will live, like the characters in the movie.  

The bigger question is how long will I stay productive?

I'm 29 this year, and I've already started to feel the effect of aging on my body. Goodbye to those days when I can stay up till 2am in the morning and still felt energetic like a bull the next day. Goodbye to those days when I can burn up all the fat by doing absolutely nothing. My metabolic rate had slow down quite a bit, I get tired more easily, my skin felt more flabby and less elastic, and wrinkles... Lets not dwell any further in this. 

To think about it, I actually wish that I don't have to live that long. It will be better if I can leave this world before my body start to break down. The quality of life goes down the minute our lives get consumed by old age diseases. Hearing loss, muscle near to the point of disintegration, wobbly feet (maybe knee with arthritis), smell of rotten meat, and NO teeth. 

I think i'm feeling depressed already. 

I don't think I'm thinking pessimally nor I live cowardly. My definition of a quality life is fruitful, bountiful and ecstatic. Without optimal health, I will be deprived from living passionately and purposefully. And these are the very things that make us feel alive and worthy. I don't want to be just "coping" with life. It will be the saddest thing if I end up that way one day. 

I dont know about you but to me, I want to stay as productive for as long as possible, the day I no longer useful, I hope that God will be merciful to me and take me away. 

Freedom

What is freedom?

.... 3 girls 

.... 1 superb photographer

.... clear blue sky

.... top of highland

.... 18 degrees weather

.... and most importantly the JUMP KICK POSE!

Anyway, this is just a teaser to my next post on the topic of Freedom. I have been extremely busy for the past one week. I am and will be continue to involve in a 6 weeks workshop until 27th of April. So till then, take care folks. 

Who I am today

Today its the 16th day of 2012, I came across this new song from Jason Mraz which i instantly fell in love with it.

Who I am today, Jason Mraz


I thank the boys who kicked my ass when I was 17
I thank the ones who chose to laugh and those who acted mean
I thank the bullies for body slams and accidents and then some
They shaped my life; they made me like who I've become


I thank the girls who gave a hand and showed me how to dance
I thank the ones who passed who never gave a second glance
I learned that it's okay for some to go and some to stay
They shaped my life; they made me love who I am today


I thank the captains of the boats who brave the sea
I thank the farmers for the sowing of the seeds
I thank the men who paved the roads I'm travelling on
They shaped my life, they took me down the path I've gone


I thank the volunteers for giving up their time for free
I thank the engineers; all those who keep our water clean
I thank the janitors for all their years behind the scenes
They shaped my life they taught me generosity
They shaped my life they let me see who I could be


So, i, i know, life is good

I thank the galaxy for how it made up gravity
I thank the sky above for hosting clouds to float on top of me
They gave me air to breathe and give me rain and give me snow
They shaped my life, they gave me so much room to grow

I thank the frogs, and daddy long legs and the bees
I thank the microorganisms under every tree
I thank the fertile soil for the life behind the food I eat
They shaped my life they gave me possibility
And I, I know, that life is good...
yes I, I know....

You shape my life. You make me love who I am today.

How many of us can confidently say to ourself that "I love who I am today". Sometimes, we keep on saying "How i wish i am like so and so, or how i wish i have what so and so has..". Its almost too easy to think that its better to be someone else rather than to be yourself. 

Anyway, I was greatly inspired by the song. I know the message is not something new or earth shattering, however it was the right one which came at the right time. 

Enjoy

New year's message on death

This is a sequel to my "Death" post.

Today's Sunday service's sermon talked about the topic related to death, I would say its pretty heavy stuff and ironically today is the first day of the new year-1/1/2012. What a start to a new year! ;) Many would think that talking about death is inappropriate during festive season. For Chinese, as you know that we are deliberately avoiding anything to do with the figure "4", as in mandarin, the word pronounced the same as "death", so its a BIG NO NO talking about death during Chinese new year, it's considered inauspicious.

However, it has almost become a strange norm that the first few days of every new year, I will receive some kind of message which is related to "death". During end of 2007, it was the first time I realized that my life is not of mine. Of course I know that no one can live forever, however sometimes we live under the delusion that we are bigger than the life itself. 

Anyway, back to the story. A youtube video was shared during the sermon. It was about this 18 year old boy named Ben Breedlove. On 18th of December, Ben posted a video on youtube about his 3 times close encounters with death. In his word, he "cheated" death. He had a genetic condition called hypertrophic cardiomyoparthy, which is basically the thicken of the heart muscle wall which can lead to heart attacks. On 25th of December the Christmas day, his heart stopped. 

Before he died, he left his story behind and described his personal encounters with the edge in two youtube videos. Quoted from ABC news:

"The world has come to know our Ben," it said. "He was a genius at using the Internet to reach and influence his peers. Through his brilliance with manoeuvring the capabilities of YouTube, Ben has left a message for his generation. In the weeks prior to his death, he had faced some scary situations with his health, but had been given an amazing gift that he was determined to share; first with us, his family, and then, not surprisingly (and generously) with his YouTube audience. 

....His message is profound, relating his experiences or visions that made him aware of something amazing beyond this world. This is a message that some will find comfort in and others will simply not accept. It is the tangible, material world versus the unknown."

Now, if you still havent heard or watch the video, do check it out, and decide for yourself whether would you agree with the quoted comment.

As i've been repeatedly saying, death is inevitable. But still, I dont think anyone can stand in front of death and said that they are not afraid to die. For some reason, Ben make it sounds as if its ok to die. I think the point is if you have done enough in your life and when you look into the mirror on that day and felt exactly how Ben felt:

".... I couldn't stop smiling. I then looked at myself in the mirror, I was proud of MYSELF, of my entire life, everything I have done. It was THE BEST feeling." 

then I guess death is ok.

However imagine, if your life has been nothing but lost opportunities, such as the other day when you saw someone is in need but you didnt lend your helping hand; or you know you should have reachout to more people but you didnt; or you have this special gift of knowing how to play music or sing beautifully, but you never really use it beyond your own personal enjoyment etc. I guess when the day came and you look into the mirror, there will be nothing but "how i wish..." list of regret and gnashing of teeth as what bible described. 

I read another commentary about Ben Breedlove, whereby the writer ends the whole story with the question "does it verify God?"

Well, that's a question we should really ponder about, aren't we? 

Happy new year folks. 

Post Christmas Blues

Its approaching the end of 2011.

Many had started to write posts such as: 10 most memorable moments in 2011 or 10 greatest achievements in 2011. I don't understand why are people so obsess with the number "10". If I end up writing such a post, I will never limit myself with 10.

Anyway, its two days after Christmas. I'm sitting in the office while my husband went for a shopping spree at KLCC. Thats why i'm blue. Nah, truth be told, am feeling one kind because there were so much of anticipation and hypes building up all the way to the Christmas, and in a blink of an eye, it ended. Don't get me wrong, my Christmas was fabulous. But the fact that it turned into past tense so fast before I can drench myself in the Christmas spirit makes me cant help but sigh.    

In fact, the shopping malls started to play all the "ji ke long dong qiang dong qiang" songs even before the Christmas decoration tears down. Wow, that's fast. I felt i was sorta left behind, while others had started to march towards the new year. 

Often, many feel a sense of loneliness or emptiness after Christmas season. Its like a void deep inside which can never be filled by any Christmas gifts. Some are recovering from the burnt wallet, some are wondering so-what's-next? Some felt a emotion sharp turn which nearly send them into depression. But, my blue was a different kind of blue. 

There were so much to feel, so much to do, so many friends to meet, so much of love to share during the Christmas, but Christmas day is just ONE day in the cycle of 365 days. In fact i somehow managed to stretch the celebration to 4 days by having church Christmas night event on 23/12, Christmas mass and family Christmas dinner on 25/12 and two Christmas gatherings at my home on 26/12. Gosh it was super hectic and I cant recalled the last time I've baked and cooked so much. However, it still felt NOT enough. How I wished the celebration can be extended to the whole year round, and i don't mind listening to Micheal Buble's I'll be home for Christmas for another 365 days. s 

23/12 Church Christmas celebration, all the girls performing mimes for "We are the Reason"

Of course i can still have the gatherings with my friends and families during normal days and not only during Christmas season. But Christmas has this wonderful (and strange) effects on people. I find that people's heart are more open because its the Christmas season. Maybe its the Christmas song, or maybe its white and snowy decoration, or maybe its the peaceful and jolly ambiance. Whatever reason it is, it brought smiles onto people's face easily, it makes you want to skip while walking, it makes your heart felt light and fluffy.

I just wanted this good feeling to go on and on.

2011 Christmas was a special Christmas for me, as I'm celebrating my first Christmas with my 'new' family. Peter and I took up the challenge of cooking the Christmas dinner for the whole family. We had pork ribs, paella, minestrone soup and the cheesecake (which was failed to set, bleh). The food was all gone before I can even take the picture of it. It was a simple dinner with just great conversation and laughters, and I enjoyed the Christmas night with my extended family tremendously. I mean I'm close with Peter's family, but that night, i felt like we were closer than ever. It was finally dawn on me that they are my family now. I guess somewhere along the line after being away from home for 8 years, I've found an anchor and a home here in this city which no longer foreign to me. 

If I sum up one thing which the Christmas this year had taught me, that would be "Cherish the moments of  love". The great moments in our lives are precious, but fleeting. So enjoy and make full use of it when it still last.