Memories from Liverpool

This is an out dated post.

Received a pleasant surprise gift a few days ago before my wedding day. It was a round poster tube with printed UK address sticking on my door grill.

The cover of the envelope was labelled as "Hope to bring your some memories of Liverpool". It was a poster of the Liverpool-European capital of culture poster from a very dear friend of mine in UK who cant attend my wedding day.

My oh my, it indeed brought back so many memories. In fact I was nearly in tears when i saw some of those familiar places which makes me reminiscence on those older days.

Clockwise: The Gormley statue, Crosby beach; Albert dock; Anglican Cathedral, Royal Liver Building

Kim, Ky, Jv and Chek, I wonder would you gals feel the same when you see the photos of all these familiar yet faraway places?

I think i am going to start a series of blog posts to describe the places i have visited previously in Liverpool. It will be fun to see the picture of these beautiful places with me actually in it. ;)

always in my memory

It’s hard to believe that now I’m back to my home again. Everything seems so familiar, the trees, the road, the people, the bloody HOT weather... nothing changes.

I’m still amazed by the fact that how fast yet how slow the three months passed. When I’m still in Liverpool, the earth spin in such a slow pace; but when I’m back in KL again, its felt like I had never leave here before...

3 months of loneliness, 3 months of wonders, 3 months of experience... *memories rush through my mind in euphoric colors* .Those sweet and sour memories... *sob*. I’m glad that I did survive through those tough moments, never expect that my emotional state has that kind of capacity to withstand those extremely fluctuating emotion. now I’m more stretchable and adaptable I guess. In future, nothing can agitate and moved me that much anymore cuz I have went through the worst. Somehow I’m just glad that I had reached the first milestone. Another one year to go.

This is the last picture in my mind before I left. 25C, always in my memory.

i'm coming back home

19 days to go.

Life goes on

Went to bank-in the deposit to the landlord today. which mean i had decided and i will stay in Liverpool to continue my master studies for another 1 year. I have to say its really not easy for me to reach until this stage, went through alot of doubts and struggle. in fact i nearly give up halfway.

Firstly, as in certain period of time i'm really not sure whether my emotional and physical state allow me to withstand another year of life in UK or not. Being nearly 2 months in UK makes me realize that i had became more easily depressed nowadays. in fact just a few days before, my friend scolded me for spending all my time in the room when i supposed to enjoy the UK's summer breeze outside. well, really had to thank him, he had reminded me to enjoy my life in UK instead of shutting myself and mourning and griefing all the time in the closet. But cant deny the fact that i'm easily getting flu and feeling dizzy nowadays.

well, another reason is i started to wonder what "dream" really spell for me. Why did i crave so much for study aboard in the first place? cuz now i really dont think study aboard in a western country is really that superb or enjoyable anymore. although i still appreciate the beautiful scenery and the relaxing and easy going life style here in Uk, but sometime i just think that being here in the foreign land didnt really makes me feel satisfied nor trully happy. When i am far away from home, it makes me realized that being together with the people that i care and love means much more to me than having a UK certified master cert. If i have to be so far away from them in order to achieve my dreams, maybe its really not worth it.

Well, i'm walking on this path now, i guess its too late for me to feel regret. i cant let my parents down. They have such a high hopes for me and wanted so much to see me excel in my studies. So i might as well try to live my life here in UK to fullest and enjoy the UK's unpredictable weather and sucky coldness as much as possible.

anyway, i'm personally think that i'll be more happy if i just come here for the travelling purpose and not for study, less pressured i guess. Pretty much enjoyed my last week visit at Chester. anyway, enough crapping. lights off now.

A day called birthday

current mood: mixed feeling
current song playing: Martina Mcbride "concrete angel"

Part 1:
As the clock finally tickling from 11:59:59pm to 12:00:00am, I heard the shattering of your heart into pieces, sorry for unable to share the sadness that you felt, Lyon. How I hope my sincere birthday wish will ease a tiny little bit of the disappointment that you had, how I hope your one and only wish will came true at the last minute of this meaningful day. But like what you always said, both of us know it won’t happen.

It was indeed a great coincidence that our birthday is just differing by one day. And it was indeed an ironic to see myself in your shoes even before my birthday reached. The impatient and endless waiting, the jolt and the increase of heart rate each and everytime the phone rings, the fear that our love one might really forget about us… All of these feelings are tugging the inner core of our heart. There’s no point of saying “I don’t care!”, cuz that will be apparent as counterfeit coin. We really didn’t ask that much, aren’t we? The only birthday present that we hope to receive is our love ones will remember our birthday, cuz that somehow prove that we are still SOMEone in their heart. With the distance between United State and United Kingdom between us, I felt no boundaries towards what you feel.

Lyon, happy birthday!

Part 2:
It’s a pure joy to receive the birthday wishes from my family and friends back in Malaysia, even from those that I thought they will never know what spell 25th of June for me. The only thing in my mind is “gosh, I’m so blessed.” I find myself laughing to my own like a dumb while listening to anthon’s birthday song. That was the cockest birthday song that I ever heard in my whole life, thanks u so much buddy.

A song for Susan
Susan, you're such a beautiful girl
your're my friend and part of the band,
you make me become a better man

i met you at the ohana nite
we clicked like tmnet, i played the chords
so you wouldnt be sad
impressed me with your beauty of humbleness from above
that you didnt need the postino that joe loves

now that you're gone to UK
I really hope that you are OK
you should just fong your masters degree in chemistry
and we can go sailing even though i dono how to sail in the tiomans sea

i hope your love life dont stink as much as mine
if sombody could offer their heart to me
it would be so kind
best of luck and wishes to all the things you that you do
happy birthday ong su ming,
this song is for you

22nd birthday is indeed not an ordinary birthday for me, this is the first time I have a lonely birthday in UK, this is the first birthday i felt that I really had grown up, this is the first birthday I didn’t celebrate with all my love ones. But what makes it meaningful is that I know far away at the other side of the earth, there is still someone that miss me and wanted badly to be by my side on this meaningful day. Thank you for the birthday song bull, it meants a lot to me. This is the first time in my 22 years of my life that I felt so much in love and so loved by someone. You are the greatest gift that I have ever received in any of my birthdays.

Part 3:
It’s really hard to believe that I actually had live an incredible 22 years on the earth. This morning, nearly 2 am, while I was lying on my bed, Memories rush through my head like a tidal wave of euphoric colors, its like a brief look-back at some of the milestones along the 22 years of my life.

my childhood~
I remember growing up like most of the people,
Stayin’ at a beautiful countryside called Kota Samarahan,
With a lot of playmates and bushes to explore,
Running barefoot with the innocent laughters echoed over the hills and rocks.

I remember this great swing under a massive giant tree,
An old one with ropes as thick as my wrists,
Where we take turns to swing each other as hard as we could,
Yelling and shouting each time the pendulum of swing carried us high up to the sky.

My school days~
I remember those sleepless night lying in bed with all sort of visions in my head,
and in the blackness of my room I let my imagination run wild,
Sometimes falling asleep replaying the day in my head,
Hoping that charming prince will awake me from dream with a sweet kiss on my lips.

I remember going home after a tiring day in school,
no one awaits except cold lunch served on the table,
flipping through channels letting out sighs.
I’m just waiting for the years to pass.

My college days~
I remember sitting with my ex on the bench,
Savor the breeze of the night as we making silly future plans,
The devastation I felt when i wave him goodbye,
And the heart breaking moment when we called it an end.

I remember having this beautiful Ohana prom night,
Seeing others shine in their saucy night gown and seducing make up,
under the sparkling lights my heart sang out I believe I can fly,
Awaiting for some breath taking moment so that I can cherish forever in my heart.

I remember the first time I met you after the Ohana night,
Together me, you and anthon jokes about my lab partner Mr Toady,
Never cross my mind that later you will become someone that meant so much to me,
Maybe it is destiny and I thank God for leading you to me.

Well, all of these precious moments had become past tense now, something called memories, which were meant to fade away with time. But its incredible that i can recall everything so vividly tonight.

Happy birthday to me.

Days in UK

Current mood: tired, gloomy, retarded nerve response, feeling kind of blue.
current song playing: Anthon's "Sad song"

The feeling of blogging at 1am after a tiring, exhausting 9 hours of lectures in Uni is undescribable. A bit numb, apathetic, it's like my brain had turn to the sleeping mode already but my fingers are still typing subconsciously by itself.

its quite amazing when i realize that it has been nearly three weeks i'm in Liverpool now. Gosh, its seems like ages. After the excitement of exploration, the thrill of being in a new place ceases, now all i feel is "i miss home". Its nothing to do with the cold weather, foreign place or the depression of being unable to adapt to the new environment or the different learning style. In fact living in Liverpool can be quite leisuring and enjoying, no 37 degress hot humid weather, no traffic jam, the scenery in Liverpool here is breathtakingly awesome compare to Malaysia, here got beautiful docks, a lot of victorian style building, nice pub and the never sleeping saturday night fever. The whole city itself is a display of art and culture.

Well, for all the goodness that can be simply reached by just walking out through the door, why did i still felt that this is not right? I cant figure out what has gone wrong, it seems like the dreams that i craved so much since my younger days is not really quite my dreams anymore.i keep asking myself isn't it all of these is what i want? why i didnt felt the joy that i thought i should have?

If i really have to confine the root of my restlessness into a define reason, then i have to say its a simple feeling of not belong to here. This is not my home.

All these time, i never realized how much home meants to me. and when i finally understand and appreciate it. i am thousands miles away from home, How pathetic.

Survive in UK

Just feel like wanna update on what's happening here with the bunch of survivors in the foreign land called UK. although it has been the 6th day since i set my feet on the solid ground of United Kingdom. But it still feels like only reach here yesterday.The jet lag still bugging me cuz' i happenend to get up at 630 every morning, my biological clock just cannot simply understand that the sun in this part of the earth seems to wake up earlier.

Anyway, despite of being suffered from the freezing cold weather, dry skin and cracked lips, running nose, brain freeze and etc, yeah me and my friends survived still. Attending the induction acivities for the past three days, It was kind of packed but it was alot of fun. There are many lectures and students interaction activities went on, in fact taday we just have a bowling session with some of the lecturers, they seems to be fairly nice and friendly. Well, starting to feel the motivation to go study already, really looking foward to the actual starting of the lectures and lesson next week.

Liverpool is a nice city i would say, a lot of sky scrappers victorian style buildings and memorial statues. It is indeed an interesting place for sight seeing. and the best part of it is Liverpool has a lot of beautiful docks, In the evening time, the scenery is extremely stunning, seagulls flying, strong winds blowing, the whole sky was stained into orange color, the gigantic ships docked at the bay....all in all, i am just amazed by the beauty of the nature and the stunning art of the creator.

Liverpool may sound like SUPERB, but, the beauty seems to have its flaws as well.

1.Brits are boring. They seems to can't get enough with football. There is no doubt that they will mention about football in their every speech. For them, football are their pride and honour, its a blasphemy if someone insult their football team.

2.The fire alarm is damn annoying, it wents off every wednesday in our accomodation. The high decible and high pitch ringing sound scare the day lights out of me and i was nearly fall down from my chair when the alrm went off last time. CAUTION: might cause excessive damage to eardrum aka deafness if listen continuosly for more than 2 minutes.

3.The Televisyen programme was damn boring, there is nothing but documentary, football and news. Out of ten channels, none are watchable. except for those perverts ( you know who they are) that seems to get hook up with free porn every midnight.

well, wont write further cuz' CP's Tips on liverpudlian life says it all, what he mention in his blogs are extremely true, Gosh, this is the first time i agree with what he said, whats went wrong with me?

till then, adious.

Prev: UK here i come
Next: The end of the road

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4 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

delete reply pohmui wrote on Jun 8, '05 "Gosh, this is the first time i agree with what he said, whats went wrong with me?" are u beginning to sound cherpie? shud start go for consultation before u become cherpie..

delete reply anselm wrote on Jun 8, '05 hey..UK gal...How`re you?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Jun 9, '05 anselm said hey..UK gal...How`re you? JApan guy, i'm fine, still surviving, how about you?

delete reply nightscamp wrote on Jun 9, '05 heya Gal! Oh yeah... Brits are odd people, but you'll have to get used to it. Just don't get into that though! You're UNique and exciting so stay that way! *hugs*

UK, Here i come

Imagine writing a blog 38000 feet from the solid earth. Crazy may it sound, yet its true.

I’m on the plane flying to Manchester now. Boring to hell hence trying to write some of my thoughts and feeling down before it fades. Well, the 13 hours flight is definitely something new to me, I mean this must be the longest journey that I have ever take. I don’t even know how to describe my feelings now, excited? Sad? Nervous? Well I guess it can summarize as “mixed feeling”.

I’m starting a new life, I’m going after my childhood dreams, I’m going to live in a new world which is totally different from my home sweet home. No mamak, no nasi lemak, no Manglish, no family, luckily still got a few friends accompany me.

Well, I supposed to felt thrilled and exhilarating happiness, cuz I’m one step closer to my dreams now. BUT (yeah, there always be a BUT trailing behind, I wonder why) somehow, I didn’t felt in that way. I think its just human nature, you want and crave something so much, but when you actually got it, you started to feel doubt about it, you started to asking yourself, is this really what you want? How ironic that is.

I felt kind of sad actually, Cuz’ I’m leaving all my loves one behind, for the next one and a half year, I will be completely missing in their life. Somehow, I lost the precious sharing of one and half years of my life with my close ones. I wont be able to attend my sister’s convoction, I wont be sharing the moment when my brother receive his SPM result, I wont be able to celebrate my loves one’s birthday.

But still I have to thank my loves one, my family, my friends, who support and bless me well. The love you guys pour on me is not something that holds me back, but the propellent force that keeps me going. Cuz’ I know the reunion after I gain my accedemic success will be the sweetest moment in my life.

So, with hopes and loves from my loves one as my energizer batteries, i set my feet to conquer UK. Hence, my friends, please wish me the best of luck.

UK HERE I COME!!!

Prev: Thank You
Next: Survive in UK

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8 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

delete reply nightscamp wrote on Jun 6, '05 Hey gal, I know exactly how you're feeling!! I bet I'd feel that way too when I go to Australia to study... Are you traveling with friends? Coz I won't be, so I dunno how the trips gonna feel like knowing that the next time I come back it'll be after 6months or a year instead of just 4 weeks or something... It's a step we have to take to grow anyway. We'll return better people from the experience... Hopefully. :) *hugs* enjoy it! live it! learn! Experience it to the fullest! ALL THE BEST!

delete reply claudinesc wrote on Jun 6, '05 welcome and enjoy your time here. =)

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Jun 6, '05 gee, thanx, i went to Liverpool to study, but for sure i will enjoy my time there to fullest.

delete reply pohmui wrote on Jun 6, '05 cool, susan.. my friend went to uk for studies now DO NOT want to come back... all the best..

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Jun 7, '05 pohmui said cool, susan.. my friend went to uk for studies now DO NOT want to come back... all the best.. Yeah, thanx for the blessing... we didnt say we DO NOT wanna come back, we will, sooner or later....

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Jun 7, '05 Its like a dream in reality. Sigh, I wish i had 30k to spare.

delete reply banana2 wrote on Jun 8, '05 if i have 100k - 200k in my bank account, i will certainly go there! too bad i dun have...

delete reply pohmui wrote on Jun 8, '05 if i have so much money ... i wont be here.. i will enjoy life.