individualist

Those who know me would realized by now that i am quite a individualist and self reliant person. i've done countless things which is weird (to others) but strangely satisfying (to me) such as:

1. Buying a Nike man's sports shoes (in fact its a footie boot) despite of all the funny looks i get;

Which was proven to be a good purchase cuz i am still wearing it till today for my aerobic class

2. Flew to Paris alone and staying in a bare minimum 3 star backpackers hotel at the infamous Montmartre street (which was like the old red light area of chow kit street) where Moulin Rouge is, and climb up to Sacre Coer in the middle of the night just to see the Paris night view.

Of course end up nagged by my churchmates endlessly when i came back from the trip because it was quite dangerous for a girl to wonder like that in a foreign place.

3. Playing simple and repetitive Bigfish time management games like Farm Frenzy and Gourmania religiously every night without fail.

I can finish up a game in 2-3 days time, and hook on it hours after hours to a point of addiction

But the most damaging one is:

4. Bearing many strange principles with regards to life, religion, relationship etc. to an extent that sometimes unintentionally, it polarizes people (especially those who are close to me). Well, this blog is the perfect written testimony for me.

I'm honest to myself in my thoughts, my weakness and strength. I tried to live authentically and truthful to myself everyday as much as possible. I dont care too much about what other people think about me, but i do aware that my strong characters may not fall under 'pleasing' category in other's definition. Well, Peter called me 'stubborn' all the times, my mom always called me 'the daughter who makes me worried the most' as i'm physically away from home for a good 9 years now. (But seriously, my mom get worried over far too many things, from the oily food i ate, extra stones (definitely not pebbles) which i've gained, to my driving skill etc.); my team members will think that i'm too 'demanding' and being anal over petty things like project timelines.

All in all (good or bad), i do enjoy being me...

However the problem is that it does worry me sometimes that deep down in me, this well fed individualist will slowly transform into an egocentric bastard one day. The flesh (or the brain rather) is hedonistic in nature, and it feels good when you do something you like to do; when you can be self approved rather than rely on others recognition; when you live your life idiosyncratically without having the need of companions to feel complete.

However, I'm glad that i have my love ones and dear Lord to keep me at balance. They've taught me the joy of sharing and communion, that i'm incapable of many things if i am an island; that its ok to have difference opinion but still love each other; that no matter how stubborn i am, they will still accept the person i am. Hence, I do believe that being an individualist who advocates independent course in action and thoughts doesn't mean that she/he is or will eventually become a self absorbed, egotistic narcissist .... as long as you have someone.