devastation

It was sad sad day, the rain poured crazily from the sky, so as my heart.

Saturday dawn
I woke up with cold sweat after a bad dream in the middle of the night. Had a bad, bad feeling. I wished to call you during that time. However my impromptu act was called to a halt when sensibility strikes me. What for I’m bothering you with such a tiny winy matter. Hence, I went back to sleep.

It was 530am when I first called you on early Saturday morning. The calling tone dies in silence, it went countless times until I started to felt frustrated. I remembered last night that you told me you left the charger in office, I make a very bad assumption that your phone run out of batteries. Hence I tried your house phone number, the silence is deepening. I went through a very lonely and quiet Saturday early work without your usual morning and I love you greeting.

Reach home at 930am after work, still cant get you through the line. Lose all the patience by that time. Telling myself that even if you called, I will tell you that I’m too busy to talk with you now cuz I have to revise. A lousy excuse, another pathetic women egoism. 1030am, your-sorry-i-m-out-that-time call never came. I tried to call your home again. Still, silence prevailed. You have never been such inconsiderate before. Even if you are busy you will message me to call back later. I can analyzed my feelings no more, upset, worried, distracted.

1130am, I tried to call again, telling myself that this will be the last time I call you for the day. Still, no one pick up the phone, my mind drifted off, imagined kui kui and miko will be barking like crazy when the phone rang so frequently, but the hall will still be empty and silent. Started to wonder why your mom was never at home as well for the whole day. Doubts and worries continue to churn me, the words on the revision note looked alien to me. In the midst of the mixed feeling, my mind was busied thinking about all the ways to make you feel sorry when you called back later.

But your call never came.

12pm. An unfamiliar Malaysian phone number appeared on my phone screen. Its your brother, I felt more confused than surprise.

‘Peter met an accident’

My brain went blank, I experienced a momentary brain paralysis. The sentences echoed in my head.

Peter met an accident
Peter met an accident
Peter met an accident
Peter met an accident
Peter met an accident……

And then, my world went silence.
Devastatingly silence.