Through a glass, darkly

Time slowly approaching 2008, another new year. Sad to say, i'm not eager or looking foward to the starting of this very new year at all.

It has been quite difficult for me for the last couple of days, received a news which really turn my world upside down. My mind is in chaotic stage and i have to think very hard about the past incidents in my life to relate myself to the news, to convince myself that its true. Deep inside me, i hope that i have never received the news in the first place and continue to live blissfully in ignorance. I cant really characterized that as a great ending to close the chapter of 2007. I doubt that anything good will come out in this last 6 hours before the clock hits 0:00. Guess it wont be a good start for 2008 either.

I begin to believe that i will never understand what life is all about. finishing the last stage, i thought i have learned something, gained some experience and its time to move on. Hence, i ran eagerly to the next stage, with all the purpose and courage.

Along the journey, i realized 'something', a lesson, a truth, or even something about myself which i never knew before. I may not comprehend and fully accept that something, but i know from that moment on, i have to carry that something until the end of days.

Along the journey, i lost something. a friend, an innocent part of me, a moment or even a memory. However the balance of the nature is always true. I do gained something as well, a new friend, a dog, a new perspective of viewing things, a new direction etc.

This time, its kind of slow that the realization finally come to me, how similar the last stage is compare to this stage, or maybe there isnt that much difference from the last last stage as well. I am just repeating the whole cycle again. The thought really makes me feel reluctant to try to make any resolution for 2008. Cuz i know, i may achieve certain things by the end of the day, but there are certain thing which i can never achieve no matter how hard i try, or there are something which will be lost no matter how strong i'm holding it.

I will never understand what life is all about, cuz its all through a glass, darkly....... (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Happy 2008.

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delete reply craziivan wrote on Jan 1, '08 Cheer up, 10 years from now you'd probably look back and not even remember what brought you down in the first place. I'm not belittleling what you're going through, just that we grow through hardship, and at the end of the day, we come out stronger. The worst thing anyone can do when faced with adversity is to get bitter and jaded

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Feb 18, '08 Well it seems to me that you're not making N.Y. resolutions like me....but for different reasons. I just don't make them....full stop. At this moment (well back in the last days of 2007) you were feeling there seems no point in repeating yourself - what's the point eh? But that's natural. It's like any pain...most types of pain eventually go. Either that or you die....but then it won't matter then will it? It's not wonderful to hear at the low & confusing times....and doesn't even seem possible. But it's happened on a number of occasions. Just when you think there's nothing ahead but a blank wall - bumpf - there it is - an arrow pointing to a direction - where once there was no way of figuring how to get from here to there. I don't know what it is you're going thru - but taking time out to reflect on it - and what, where, and how of where to go from here & what it's all about - this is where time on your own - just you & the Lord - is a time to refresh that acquaintance. By the way....since I only read this today several weeks after you wrote this - and you're feeling on top of the world now - just ignore everything I've just said!

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Mar 5, '08 well, life moves on... no matter how bad it is, life moves on. like i said i may have to carry this for the rest of my life, but i have my way to deal with it, in His will.

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Mar 10, '08 didn't know it was that bad......"may have to carry this for the rest of my life"..... it must've been hard whatever it was. Whatever it was - if you feel somehow responsible for the whatever - then make amends as best you can - at least say sorry. If it's not your fault - then in time....in this case a very long time....in time if you trust & rely in little things in little ways on our Lord....then surely a light will glow in your life. At first you may not even notice it....but bit by bit....it will happen. Then when you look back you'll see there's a reason why that situation/matter was left behind. Maybe things to learn how to deal with a similar situation in future. At the moment it won't feel that way....the days will seem dead and/or heavy....but they'll only continue to be like that - when we don't have/know G.