falling hard, falling down

Frustration. I know its not reasonable to feel this way, but if i had to rationalize all my feeling into a confined reasonable way, that is pathetic. If i dont have the free will of living the life i want, at least allow me to think whatever i wish to think.

I've been waiting for his call for the whole day, but when i really get to talk to him when he called, i just felt the urge of wanting to hang up the phone. Its like we tried to finish off with the routine report of what we do today, who we meet today, what we gonna do tomorrow, and that's it. the silence will trailing behind as we run out of topic. I just felt that this kind of phone to phone conversation are useless, the everyday routine report we did is meaningless. I need the closeness, the sharing, the intimacy, but somehow, i can't feel either one of it.

i recognized the feeling and the situation too well. it is exactly what happened last time with Uking. i dunno since when we started to talk only about our friends, church activities and etc. we didnt share each other feelings anymore, we didnt talk about oursleves anymore, and without realizing, he had turn into a blurr image that i can hardly recall how he look like, an image that i can't relate to someone i loved so much last time, an image that cannot make my heart beat in the same frequency as old days, an image that i can't recognize at all. I'm really trying, but i just can't suppress the dissapoinment which seems to be overflowing day by day. I hate this kind of communication, it mirrors the truth of how distant we are from each other.

I hang up the phone straightly after he said good bye, without giving him a chance to say he miss me and he loves me. I dont want to hear it when he really didint mean it, i dont want such a meaningful words to be said just because it has become a usuality, a habit. I really miss those moments when he hold me tight, look into my eyes and whisper that he loves me, cuz' thats when i know he really mean it, thats when i will feel the same way as him.

Depressing i am, cuz' i will never ever allow myself fall into that kind of dillemma again. thats what i told myself after i broke up with Uking. the dissapoinment and frustration are too much to bear, i felt suffocating for that 10 months and when i get to breath again, the aching is still there, it is something that i can never let go for the rest of my life, something that i regretted so much i wish i never met him before.

i felt hopeless, cuz' i know he felt nothing and know nothing for what i feel now.
He keep teling me if i had the will, sure i can overcome this , if both of us do our part, sure our relationship will able to stay strong. But i really scared that i will dissapoint him eventually, If the intense feeling is too much to bear, i might choose to give up. although my consciousness telling me that i must not screw up this time, but my heart telling me that i'm too tired to try for the second time, that i had lose faith in loving someone wholeheartly.

i'm really unhappy, cuz' i know exactly what will happen in another 2 months time, so, i'll get used to something that i not used to: the seldom phone calls, the ache of being so far away fom each other, the loneliness, the dissapointment, the endlesss waiting and finally, the day that will never come.

home

It is a shame to confess that I didn’t really truly happy to be home. Of course I’m happy to be with my family again, cuz’ we rarely have opportunity to have all of the family members gathered together. But the fact is I felt the restraint in my heart that pulls me back from being completely happy, I can’t enjoy the moments without thinking about wanting to share with him, and I felt sad cuz’ I cant do so. And I hate myself for feeling that way, I supposed to concentrate on spending time with my family. I supposed to treasure the moments I had with my family and cherish it so that it will be the propellent force that help me to withstand the loneliness I will feel for the next 2 years in UK. I supposed to do things that I supposed to do.

I hope all these feelings are just momentary, I’m still sick, my muscles felt fatigue and I had frequent headache. Maybe all these negatives thought is just some side effect of the physical weakness I have, Well, its scientifically proven that people are emotionally weak and started to think nonsense when they are physically weak. Everything will be fine when my life back on track again. Well, I’m still in the process of adapting the hectic weather, the slow pace of life here in Kuching, maybe I really have gone away from home for so long, or maybe its just because he is not here with me, that’s why everything simply felt not right.

home is a state of mind, thats what you told me. Bull, do you now that when i'm with you, i am home.

Lost

I hate being so far away from my love, with the distance of South China Sea between us, I feel like thousand miles away from him. Though i can still talk to him through phone, but it really doesn’t make any difference, it can’t even ease a single little bit of miss I felt for him. Its like I can’t feel his presence in my life anymore, I read his letter over and over again, and I felt nothing but pain and the urge to cry. This is not some jiwang stuff that I write simply, i really mean it, its pathetic, its helpless, if I continue to feel this way, I dunno how long I can survive, if the pain of missing a person is too difficult to bear, I might choose to detach the feeling. I hate myself for thinking in that way, but its helpless and I hope its not hopeless.

i still cant figure out why i have no faith for the whole relationship, the deeper i felt for him, the more insecure i am. i trust him, with all my heart. and i knew that he is a man of his words, he hold on to his promise, persistent and always patient. But the point is, i'm never that kind of person. i have no patient at all, especially when it comes to waiting, sometime i'm quite edgy and used to throw tantrum to my close one. although i didnt shout or wack anyone before, but i'm really good at staying silence, remain emotionless and shutting myself in the closet, and i know sometime not speaking at all is worse than yelling and quarelling. Furthermore, i have history of breaking my promise, last time i told uking i will wait for him, well, the day never come.

i can never figure out why he felt so much for such a terrible person like me, sometime i just dont think i worth to be loved by him. During these two months, we never really have serious aguments at all, mostly because he is so patient with me, even at times when i'm depressed and dont feel like talking at all, i know he will always stand there, patiently waiting for me.

maybe insecurities and unsure feelings comes along with commitment.cuz' the more you care, the more you afraid to lose. and somehow this reminds me of how i phobic of commitment.

Being commit so deeply to someone is nothing great,
cuz' emotionally attached to someone makes you felt weak,
cuz' constantly think of someone makes you lose your concentration,
cuz' being too close to someone makes you become less and less yourself.
i know if i stay longer in KL, i wont be able to leave him to pursue my dream anymore, i will be too dependent on him, i will lose my courage to go alone.

how can love being so achingly confused and so awfully sweet at the same time?

Ideal Girlfriend

Talk to my buddy last night, someone i befriended last time when i was training at Kuching general hospital, well, we dwell on the same old topic again, love.

so, lets talk about love.

my buddy, who is now 26 years old, still claimed that he can't find the right girl he wants, Well, He had been fruitlessly searching and fishing for nearly 3 years now, and eventually he started to think of celibacy. mind you, he is quite a guy actually, steady job, no bad habbits, although not breathtakingly handsome, but he is absolutely a gentlemen. So, whats wrong then?

after 2 hours talking, somehow, i realized a thing. The other half that my buddy searched for the past 3 years can never exist. at least not in a human form. an angel maybe. His ideal woman was so 'IDEALIC' that i think its impossible to find such a gal existed in todays society.

This is the requirement of his ideal girlfriend:

1. attractive, not necessarry attractive in a sense of physical appearance (guys, you know what i mean, nice legs, big boobs, angelic face etc), but more on how the girl presents herself, her dressing, her way of talking, her moves and etc.

2. intelligent, her resume would have to read like: a rocket scientist's, work experience with NASA preffered. (well, my buddy think that ignorance is certainly not a bliss, and he prefered his partner to have the same intelectual level with him.)

3. Being intelligent enough to fly to moon and back does not, however, entitle her to tell how should man drive a car. sentences like "are we there yet?" "Do you know where is the place or not?" are certainly prohibited. another words, a girl that know to shut her mouth when his man is driving. (even though when the man lost his way)

4. able to offer phylosophical insights everyday. someone that can talk like socrates and think like plato perhaps.

5. have the culinary skills of a chef, someone that willing to cook nice chicken soup and wait for his man to come back home after a tiring working day. well, personally i think he would marry anyone that can cook the way his mom can.

6. know how to enjoy lifes, loves adventures( a Bond girl?), have a great taste in art, literature, musics and other artistics stuff that normal people like me wont understand.

7. not talkative, no nagging and no gossiping.

8. last but not least, tolerate the occasional roving eyes, cuz' he think that its a sin to let beauty pass unnoticed.

And there you have it, the description of men's ideal women. Is she out there? well i seriously doubt it, sure if adam had traded his arm or leg for the creator to make eve maybe there will be such a possibility existing. In any case, if he really COULD find the dream girl, WOULD she want to be with him?

So, i think every man out there should be thankful for their not so-idealic girlfriend. at least she manage to hold your attention for more than 5 seconds.

Prev: home
Next: Thank You

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delete reply lyonlionel wrote on May 27, '05 there's no one who is perfect in this world. all beings have flaws. tell your friend, his choice of celibacy is right. Make sure he does it.

delete reply nightscamp wrote on May 27, '05 Ah.. if men only wanted the gal of their dreams, and woman only wanted the boy of their dreams - no one would get married at all unless it was forced upon them! AHAHAHAHAHAH

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 27, '05 Whoaaaa....an i thougnt i was picky. My basic requirements are quite simple really: 1) Must have been born a female...with no history of organ remodification 2) MUST be older than 18...but not by too much obviously 3) Willing to have a househusband in future

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 27, '05, edited on May 27, '05 Besides...think the sword swings both ways. Girls expecting to be appreciated for whom they are should be willing to appreciate their worse half for who they are as well

delete reply pohmui wrote on May 27, '05 hmm.. your ideal ones is just the guide lines.. when it comes it comes.. tell him dun worry.. the time will come...

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 29, '05 craziivan said Whoaaaa....an i thougnt i was picky. My basic requirements are quite simple really: 1) Must have been born a female...with no history of organ remodification 2) MUST be older than 18...but not by too much obviously 3) Willing to have a househusband in future 4) big boobs and no brain. 5) play lego. 6) watch japanese anime

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 29, '05 7) must be human (not susan) 8) must be japanese (not susan) 9) must be sane (nope...not susan as well...)

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 29, '05 craziivan said 7) must be human (not susan) 8) must be japanese (not susan) 9) must be sane (nope...not susan as well...) thank God its not me!!!!

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 29, '05 Thank god indeed, guess u shld count life's little blessings. Too bad he dint make u human, sane nor japanese.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 29, '05, edited on May 29, '05 craziivan said 7) must be human (not susan) 8) must be japanese (not susan) 9) must be sane (nope...not susan as well...) mind you, i'm a human, and yeah though i'm blurr a bit, but i'm still sane.

delete reply banana2 wrote on May 28, '05 according to the data collected, the ideal girl of ur friend is... u!!! :)

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 29, '05 banana2 said according to the data collected, the ideal girl of ur friend is... u!!! :) wahahahha.... me?? well, i'm absolutely not in his list, cuz' i use to nag a lot when he is driving and that piss him off, thats why he add the "no talk while driving" to his ideal girlfriend requirement.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 30, '05 Your friend thinks he deserves someone this good? What does he have to offer?

Home

22/5, Sunday, it was indeed SOMEday.

It supposed to be a happy day, cuz' after working like a slave for the past two months, finally i am going back home. I dunno why I miscalculate the check-in time for the flight, somehow, my brain suffers momentary paralysis which maybe due to ripple effect of last night farewell gathering, or due to the side effect of tears gland hyperactivity, or due to overflowing of my depressed feeling. Or maybe it’s the combination of all the three. Anyway, the fact is I miscalculate the thing and only arrived at the KLIA airport 20 minutes before departure time.

When I reached the check in counter, to my horror, the flight officer told me that the check in counter for the flight was closed. I was damn shocked, all I can do is keep begging him to let me in. Well, he told me that I supposed to check in 45 minutes before the departure time and the fact that even though they let me in, it wont make a difference cuz’ the boarding gate might as well closed already. It was a depressing scene, I’m nearly to my tears, the officer still checking the situation in boarding room through phone, while other passenger look at me with those pity eyes and it reminds me of those drivers that stop their car at the car accident scene to check out what was happened but never bother to go out from their car to offer a helping hand.

In the end, I guess the officer just couldn’t stand the look of the devastated face of a gal standing helplessly, mouthing "please" to him over and over again with the tears hanging in her eyes waiting to drop, so he let me check in, but with the condition I have to carry all those luggage by myself. Remind you, the two bags that I carried is around 40 kg cuz’ I have all those thick biology text books inside. Imagine I run breathlessly with those heavy luggages at the speed of 10 meter persec, keep stripping over my own feet, while the time is only 15 minutes left. The funny thing is, from such a distance away, I can still hearing the officer shout at me from the back, "run girl! We cant guarentee that they would let you in! so run!!!"

When I reach the boarding gate, I dunno where the hell the courage from, I just shout at the guard "I’m running out of time!", rushing pass through the gate without bother to let my luggage check through the UV scanning machine. Well, of course, the gate alarm went off, it’s a very irritating dee-dee-dee sound, and I was stopped, by 4 full-uniform guards! (what the heck!!) One of the macho guard with the i-will-shoot-you-with-M16-if-you-didn’t-follow-my-order face telling me, "gal, follow the procedure!" well, I guess that’s mean a red light. So I went back through the gate, and the damn dee-dee-dee alarm rings again, its even irritating this time cuz somehow I felt it seems to sound exactly like some sarcastic laugh. While seeing my luggage went into the tunnel of the UV sacenning machine whereby the officer can see through all the underwears I have in the bag, I desperately check the time, 10 minutes to go before the plane fly.

9 minutes before the flight, with the adrenaline pumping through my vein, I was scating in the airport with a luggage trolli while shouting "watchout!" to all the passengers that was blocking my path. When I reach the boarding gate, the guard asked me if I were the one that they keep repeating calling the name through the speaker for 3 consecutive times. I said yes that’s me, and other guard seems to be impressed, "so, you are the gal that check in 15 minutes before flight." Well, that makes me even depressed cuz I don’t think that’s a compliment and I was fumble desperately for my air ticket through my pockets.

After another 2 minutes of searching, I manage to get the ticket and yes 5 minutes before the plane spread its wing and fly into the sky, I was sitting on the comfy seat of the plane. and it was that time only my strung nerves relaxed, my heartbeat ceased to 72beat/sec, my ventilation rate went to normal. and i dunno where the surge of emotion come from, i collaps into cries, venting all my depress into my tear duct and released it in a form of salted H2O. and yeah, the air steward is quite handsome in the black suit.

2 minutes after the plane flew high up in the sky, I was unconscious, sleeping like log, as to relax my overwork actin and myosin, and to ease the intense emotion turmoil I had went though 20 minutes ago.

After 115 minutes, I was landed on the land of hornbill, bumi kenyalang.

and I was home.

Prev: Friendship
Next: ideal girlfriend

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delete reply banana2 wrote on May 24, '05 luckily the guards did not cause too much trouble to u. next time got to check carefully lo, if u are in siberia during the winter season and u calculate the time wrongly, then u will have to freeze for a few nights before u can be sent to malaysia to be thawed by some of our malaysian embassy staff (by paying a huge sum for the service, of course).

delete reply pohmui wrote on May 24, '05 fuyoh.. that was *sweat* i like this word " i-will-shoot-you-with-M16-if-you-didn’t-follow-my-order face"

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 24, '05 Everything is a survivor challenge for Suz. Getting breakfast at WM means jumping over a few cars and dodging armed muggers.

delete reply nightscamp wrote on May 25, '05 glad that you're back safely then... *hugs*

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 25, '05 Nice adventure. You know, sometimes we have to live life like this or it would be damn boring. Provided that im a bypasser/listener/watcher or whatever you call it. Oh and did the handsome steward offer his shoulders for you? No? Too bad. Try to be late another time and maybe he will :P

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 27, '05 well, it was indeed an unusual experience for me too, i know i know, my blurrness will get myself into more trouble in future, but i think i just have to get used to it. anyway, glad that you guys enjoy the blog.

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 27, '05 Don't mention it...was bored out of my head. Suppose some melodramatic drama is better than no drama at all. Maybe I'll pull the same stunt next week.

Friendship

So, Friendship.
The dictionary says:

Friend (frend) noun.
1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.
2. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; comrade.
3. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group.
4. An acquaintance.

The dictionary makes one small omission tho.
It doesn't speak of the years that a friendship endures,
the laughter that fills the air when friends are together,
the support, understanding and comfort a friend can offer or
the anguish you cannot escape from when a friend is dying.
The dictionary, I'm afraid, cannot begin to define the word:

"Friend." ~by unknown

whats your defination of friendship? Well, i can never define it thru' words. Frequently, it just amaze me (and it still amaze me) how friendship can silently transforms you and those special people on a jouney into, what sometimes can be a lifelong relationship?

Is it mutual admiration, common interests, the need to be a friend? Or is it just an enduring tie that bonds you together?

This blog is specially dedicated to a bunch of friends that i only befriended during last year september~ the kokkers. I dunno how the friendship started, but one thing for sure, Ohana night is the starting point of it all. we met, we sing, we believe we can fly, we yum char, we go to see meet the fockers and before i even realized it, we are friends.

Just now, after watching the Star Wars, me and the kokkers went to yum char at mamak stall. Under such a nice and easy tranquility of the night, we ate, we chat and we laugh. somehow while i saw the smiles on their face whenever someone pull a lame joke, there's a warm feeling that blossoming inside of me. thats when the word "friendship" sprung thru' my mind, thats when i really felt "friendship".

To be truth, i may considered one of the lousiest friend in the whole world, i keep forgetting important dates, i rarely send or reply sms and calls unless its really necessary, i have problems concentrating on what's others saying, i seldom show my cares and affection directly, in summary, i always dissapoints my friends.

so, for all the lousiness i am, am i still your friend?

Sometimes, it makes me wonder how can people turn something that is easy and natural into something so complicated and difficult. For me, friendship is not about how much attention you get, how many calls/sms you received, or how well the person remembers your birthday and etc. Its about enjoying each other's company, its about the value of the moments you guys spent together, as easy as that.

I used to take every little flaws in friendship very seriously, i cared every word they said, every thoughts they had, cuz' i'm scared that i am not a friend good enough for them, (but somehow, i realized that i can never be good enough for them.) At the end of days, i'm depressed, i get easily insulted by their harmless jokes and critics, i cant felt relaxed with the strung nerves and edgy emotion of struggling to be a perfect friend.

and thats when i realized friendship is nothing about being perfect for your friend, its about being yourself when you are with your friends. so, you made mistakes, you said something stupid, you do something embarassing in front of your friend, who cares? does that makes you a less perfect friend for them?

Thanx, kokkers. you guys really taught me what friendship is all about, and i really thankful that i met you guys during the final days of my college life.

Prev: Blogging about nothing
Next: home

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delete reply pohmui wrote on May 19, '05 for all the lousiness you are, you are still a friend to me

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 24, '05 pohmui said for all the lousiness you are, you are still a friend to me thanks, your words shine up my day.

delete reply nightscamp wrote on May 21, '05 atlantisian said So, Friendship. The dictionary says: Friend (frend) noun. 1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts. 2. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; comrade. 3. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group. 4. An acquaintance. The dictionary makes one small omission tho. It doesn't speak of the years that a friendship endures, the laughter that fills the air when friends are together, the support, understanding and comfort a friend can offer or the anguish you cannot escape from when a friend is dying. The dictionary, I'm afraid, cannot begin to define the word: "Friend." ~by unknown whats your defination of friendship? Well, i can never define it thru' words. Frequently, it just amaze me (and it still amaze me) how friendship can silently transforms you and those special people on a jouney into, what sometimes can be a lifelong relationship? Is it mutual admiration, common interests, the need to be a friend? Or is it just an enduring tie that bonds you together? This blog is specially dedicated to a bunch of friends that i only befriended during last year september~ the kokkers. I dunno how the friendship started, but one thing for sure, Ohana night is the starting point of it all. we met, we sing, we believe we can fly, we yum char, we go to see meet the fockers and before i even realized it, we are friends. Just now, after watching the Star Wars, me and the kokkers went to yum char at mamak stall. Under such a nice and easy tranquility of the night, we ate, we chat and we laugh. somehow while i saw the smiles on their face whenever someone pull a lame joke, there's a warm feeling that blossoming inside of me. thats when the word "friendship" sprung thru' my mind, thats when i really felt "friendship". To be truth, i may considered one of the lousiest friend in the whole world, i keep forgetting important dates, i rarely send or reply sms and calls unless its really necessary, i have problems concentrating on what's others saying, i seldom show my cares and affection directly, in summary, i always dissapoints my friends. so, for all the lousiness i am, am i still your friend? Sometimes, it makes me wonder how can people turn something that is easy and natural into something so complicated and difficult. For me, friendship is not about how much attention you get, how many calls/sms you received, or how well the person remembers your birthday and etc. Its about enjoying each other's company, its about the value of the moments you guys spent together, as easy as that. I used to take every little flaws in friendship very seriously, i cared every word they said, every thoughts they had, cuz' i'm scared that i am not a friend good enough for them, (but somehow, i realized that i can never be good enough for them.) At the end of days, i'm depressed, i get easily insulted by their harmless jokes and critics, i cant felt relaxed with the strung nerves and edgy emotion of struggling to be a perfect friend. and thats when i realized friendship is nothing about being perfect for your friend, its about being yourself when you are with your friends. so, you made mistakes, you said something stupid, you do something embarassing in front of your friend, who cares? does that makes you a less perfect friend for them? Thanx, kokkers. you guys really taught me what friendship is all about, and i really thankful that i met you guys during the final days of my college life. Honestly agreed. For my a true friend is someone who can understand and accept you as whom you really are, flaws and all, and make you feel like a better person just because you're in their company. They are there when you really need them, and otherwise they are there too when they can be. It's not a matter of force, not to feel bad when you can't see the person. Just to understand that we all lead our separate lives but are all still in it together for always. We are blessed to have our family and friends...

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 23, '05 Wow, either u repasted the WHOLE journal or u wrote an identical blog. Thats real cool.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 25, '05, edited on May 25, '05 FRIENDS FOREVER SUSAN! Goddamn. That just made me sound so 80s. Nvm that. Oh nightscamp, dont quote when you reply from the main text. It makes you looks like a rookie.

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 25, '05 Hearing u say that jst gives me this warm fuzzy feeling in my gut gene gene. Then again it cld be heartburn from breakfast.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 26, '05 craziivan said Hearing u say that jst gives me this warm fuzzy feeling in my gut gene gene. Then again it cld be heartburn from breakfast. You forgot to add in "stinging" and "irritating" into your description. Anyways, whenever you experience such feelings, it gives you an assurance that your gut is still in your abdomen. Cant say the same for Tammy.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 27, '05 thanx for remind me i still have my gut. yeah yeah, reading your guys (gene and CP) reply makes me warm inside too. God, miss hanging out with ur guys....

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 27, '05 Wagaga...miss gene genge? Feel something for his guts? Take them to UK with u.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 30, '05 Ya sure, you can have my appendics.

Blogging about nothing

I know I didn’t blog that frequent nowadays. Blame it to the virus. My roommate pc has been eaten up by the damn thing, leaving me suffering everyday trying to suppress the itchiness of wanting to online.

Living in a virus free world, that’s Utopia, that’s euphoria.

But, it really makes me amazed that how big the impact and the influence of these electrical gadget on human life nowadays. People just cant survive a day without hand phone, pc or television. We are all living in the digitized world. Ironically, human are the one that created all those things, but in the end, we are also the one that are being controlled by them.

How pathetic that is.

Anyway, all the craps above are just my opening. Now come to the main point.

Do a lot of pondering lately. Sometime I just think that excessive thinking really makes you depressed, and when you are depressed, you felt unhappy, when you are unhappy you wanna do something to vent those frustration, when you wanna do something to vent the frustration and you cant figure out any, you do stupid things.

Definition of stupid thing:

1. Gluttony, eat damn lot.
2. Go jogging until your muscle feels like disintegrating.
3. Go sleeping day and night
4. Remain emotionless, stoned and do nothing. (cuz’ everything you do feels wrong)
5. Online chatting with Mr Piss Cher Pheng and get pissed somemore
6. Laughing hysterically at not a very funny jokes and felt like crying afterwards.

All these stupid things are called fleeting reality. That’s what most people do when reacting to life’s vicissitudes . They occupy their mind with various form of entertainment, rewarding themselves to make up for what they had to endure, devotion to some cause or pursuit of some goal. Well, I’m still not reaching the critical stage yet cuz I didn’t seek relief through alcohol, cigarette or metrosexual activities.

There is no deny that such reaction may soften life’s blow by diverting one attention, but there is a better way. One that comes to term with reality. It has to do with understanding the purpose of life.

God put us on this earth for a purpose. The disappointment, the trials encountered are not meant to be roadblocks, They are hurdles, (aka Batu loncatan in BM) their purpose is to strengthen us, not defeat us. The realization of this monumental truth can change a person’s perspectives and enables us to deal with adversity.

But here come the tricky part, what’s the purpose of your life??

That has been my question for the past 22 years of my life. Well, I’m still on my journey to discover the answer, one day I will realized the truth, for now, I just have to keep walking down the road.

Anyway, there is still a chance that I will never get to know the answer. Next life maybe.

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Next: Friendship

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delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 8, '05 Next life ????

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 8, '05 Hmm.... Susan starting to beleive in reincarnation, wat's next I wonder?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 8, '05 eugenetwj said Next life ???? next life means my internal life in heaven, that will be my ultimate happiness

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 11, '05 Hmm... let me try pissing you off too ;) Next life? And now, INTERNAL life eh susan? Im sure you meant something else.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 13, '05 eugenetwj said Hmm... let me try pissing you off too ;) Next life? And now, INTERNAL life eh susan? Im sure you meant something else. hahaha... you caught me there, its 'eternal life'... anyway, nice try but you are not as pissed as CP is. thank God!!!

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 8, '05 Better find some cheek exercises while you're at it. But if you sleep all day....how do you jog till your muscles ache? You jog in your sleep?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 10, '05 craziivan said Better find some cheek exercises while you're at it. But if you sleep all day....how do you jog till your muscles ache? You jog in your sleep? well, if people can sleep walking, then i also can sleep jogging wat, SEE! you are trying to piss me again.

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 10, '05 Yaya everyone's trying to piss you. Now have you ever considered this: what if this is as good as it gets?

delete reply banana2 wrote on May 9, '05 the purpuse of the life is to continue to live, happily. the mind must be consious while doing a thing that causing comfort and happiness. and continue to be happy in the life this is why the great dream of heaven was created long ago by god, or at least by human to give hope to people, a hope to believe that there is a place that is free from suffering.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 10, '05 banana2 said the purpuse of the life is to continue to live, happily. the mind must be consious while doing a thing that causing comfort and happiness. and continue to be happy in the life this is why the great dream of heaven was created long ago by god, or at least by human to give hope to people, a hope to believe that there is a place that is free from suffering. living a problem free life, thats utopia, to continue to live on, we will have to deal with unhappy things, but then, sometime is the unhappy things that makes the feeling of happiness intensified. one can never experience real happiness when the person never tasted the bitter.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 11, '05 atlantisian said living a problem free life, thats utopia, to continue to live on, we will have to deal with unhappy things, but then, sometime is the unhappy things that makes the feeling of happiness intensified. one can never experience real happiness when the person never tasted the bitter. Well said.

delete reply craziivan wrote on May 11, '05 Sure sure, if I slap you now you'll feel much better later not being slapped.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 13, '05 craziivan said Sure sure, if I slap you now you'll feel much better later not being slapped. People out there, did you guys see what he is doing to me ?!?

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 15, '05 atlantisian said People out there, did you guys see what he is doing to me ?!? What? He is expressing his "love" to you on Multiply. SO?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on May 18, '05 hahaha, actually i got people stand up for me. anyway, its all a lame joke, should put a fullstop to it now. and yeah eugene, that was quite a 'love'.

delete reply nightscamp wrote on May 18, '05 atlantisian said actually i got people stand up for me. Course there are people who'll stand up for you! You're too wonderful NOT to have any! *Hugs*

delete reply nightscamp wrote on May 15, '05 atlantisian said People out there, did you guys see what he is doing to me ?!? He's just being a arsehole babe. Just ignore him!!

delete reply nightscamp wrote on May 12, '05 atlantisian said Well, I’m still not reaching the critical stage yet cuz I didn’t seek relief through alcohol, cigarette or metrosexual activities. We are both there and really have to get as far away from not yet almost there as possible. :) *hugs*