silence means consence?

Infuenza attacked.

Have running nose for more than a week now, i think my immune system went low nowadays. blame it to the weatherman. The torturest thing is not the sticky fluid that keep running down my nose, nor the feeling of the rough tissue brushes over my smooth and sensitive nostrils over and over again. its the fact that i really cant stand my own voice, sound like a frog's croaks. Furthermore, cough will surely tailing behind my every sentence, which really makes me dont feel like wanna talk that much nowadays.

i never realized that talking can become such a foreign task.

Actually, something awful happened last sunday. When i was enjoying singing the hymns in the church. suddenly, to my horror i realized that i'm actually singing out of tune, its one octave lower than the right key for the melody and my voice crakes whenever it hits the high notes. i think i'm innately gifted with a very sensitive and fussy ear. my friend who sit beside me didnt even notice about it but i'm 100% sure that i am singing out of tune.

This is my worst nightmare, i have lost my sense of music, i can't even sing properly for 1 week now. If Bebo Norman knew i sang his "dissapear" with such a croacky and cracky voice, i think he will definately regreted that he actually composed the song in the first place. Feels like spoiling and dis-appreciating such a great piece of music.

Unable to sing or listen to music is one of the thing that i cannot tolerate with nor sacrifice in my life. imagine living in a world without music, the world will become monochromic and dull without colors. Yet, by theory it seems to be possible, cuz then human may have to speak toneless, church bells wont be ringing, birds wont be singing, crowds wont be cheering, trees wont be flapping and swiftly swaying as the wind blows.

Well, maybe u wont agree that all these sounds can be define as music which has different tone color and pitch. But for me, a music is defined as any sound that has rhythm, which called melody and when words are added meanings to the melody, it become songs.

i miss my own voice.