Monday, June 27, 2005
Todd Herzog
Music, touches the core of my soul where no one can reach.
a study in alchemy… that's what Todd Herzog does.
(al•che•my: the power to transform something base into something precious.)
Todd Herzog is an artist who takes the raw material of his life experiences and creates inspirational, emotional pop music that affects his listeners.Herzog’s own wake-up call came when a dear friend passed away from Leukemia. Instead of losing faith in life, he chose to take this tragic loss and use it to motivate and inspire others to take full advantage of the time they are given. His healing process took the form of his debut album entitled “What I Wouldn’t Give.”
"If I Only Had The Words"
I feel you all around me
I know you must be here
Your beauty still surrounds me
Your voice is in my ears
I see you in the ocean
You're dancing on the shore
The sunset on the water
Makes your spirit soar
And your laughter lifts me up along the way
There're so many things I still have left to say
If I'd only had the words to tell you half the things I feel
you'd have understood so clearly
that my love for you was real
and I wish i'd had the courage to open up my heart
you'd have known that we could never be apart
The colors of your palette
Your canvas filled with greens
The strokes of your emotions
I see you in my dreams
Now the rose has finally opened
The petals filled with light
Now the vase is no longer broken
The thorns are out of sight
And your laughter lifts me up above my tears
I can hear you whisper softly in my ear:
If I only had the words to tell you half the things I feel...
you might understand the difference
Between illusion and what's real
then you'd finally have the courage to open up your heart
'cause you'd know that we could never be apart
now at last I have the words
to tell you all the things I feel
I still don't understand the reasons
and perhaps I never will
but I finally found the courage to open up my heart
because I know that we will never be apart
now I know that we will never be apart
Saturday, June 25, 2005
A day called birthday
current song playing: Martina Mcbride "concrete angel"
Part 1:
As the clock finally tickling from 11:59:59pm to 12:00:00am, I heard the shattering of your heart into pieces, sorry for unable to share the sadness that you felt, Lyon. How I hope my sincere birthday wish will ease a tiny little bit of the disappointment that you had, how I hope your one and only wish will came true at the last minute of this meaningful day. But like what you always said, both of us know it won’t happen.
It was indeed a great coincidence that our birthday is just differing by one day. And it was indeed an ironic to see myself in your shoes even before my birthday reached. The impatient and endless waiting, the jolt and the increase of heart rate each and everytime the phone rings, the fear that our love one might really forget about us… All of these feelings are tugging the inner core of our heart. There’s no point of saying “I don’t care!”, cuz that will be apparent as counterfeit coin. We really didn’t ask that much, aren’t we? The only birthday present that we hope to receive is our love ones will remember our birthday, cuz that somehow prove that we are still SOMEone in their heart. With the distance between United State and United Kingdom between us, I felt no boundaries towards what you feel.
Lyon, happy birthday!
Part 2:
It’s a pure joy to receive the birthday wishes from my family and friends back in Malaysia, even from those that I thought they will never know what spell 25th of June for me. The only thing in my mind is “gosh, I’m so blessed.” I find myself laughing to my own like a dumb while listening to anthon’s birthday song. That was the cockest birthday song that I ever heard in my whole life, thanks u so much buddy.
A song for Susan
Susan, you're such a beautiful girl
your're my friend and part of the band,
you make me become a better man
i met you at the ohana nite
we clicked like tmnet, i played the chords
so you wouldnt be sad
impressed me with your beauty of humbleness from above
that you didnt need the postino that joe loves
now that you're gone to UK
I really hope that you are OK
you should just fong your masters degree in chemistry
and we can go sailing even though i dono how to sail in the tiomans sea
i hope your love life dont stink as much as mine
if sombody could offer their heart to me
it would be so kind
best of luck and wishes to all the things you that you do
happy birthday ong su ming,
this song is for you
22nd birthday is indeed not an ordinary birthday for me, this is the first time I have a lonely birthday in UK, this is the first birthday i felt that I really had grown up, this is the first birthday I didn’t celebrate with all my love ones. But what makes it meaningful is that I know far away at the other side of the earth, there is still someone that miss me and wanted badly to be by my side on this meaningful day. Thank you for the birthday song bull, it meants a lot to me. This is the first time in my 22 years of my life that I felt so much in love and so loved by someone. You are the greatest gift that I have ever received in any of my birthdays.
Part 3:
It’s really hard to believe that I actually had live an incredible 22 years on the earth. This morning, nearly 2 am, while I was lying on my bed, Memories rush through my head like a tidal wave of euphoric colors, its like a brief look-back at some of the milestones along the 22 years of my life.
my childhood~
I remember growing up like most of the people,
Stayin’ at a beautiful countryside called Kota Samarahan,
With a lot of playmates and bushes to explore,
Running barefoot with the innocent laughters echoed over the hills and rocks.
I remember this great swing under a massive giant tree,
An old one with ropes as thick as my wrists,
Where we take turns to swing each other as hard as we could,
Yelling and shouting each time the pendulum of swing carried us high up to the sky.
My school days~
I remember those sleepless night lying in bed with all sort of visions in my head,
and in the blackness of my room I let my imagination run wild,
Sometimes falling asleep replaying the day in my head,
Hoping that charming prince will awake me from dream with a sweet kiss on my lips.
I remember going home after a tiring day in school,
no one awaits except cold lunch served on the table,
flipping through channels letting out sighs.
I’m just waiting for the years to pass.
My college days~
I remember sitting with my ex on the bench,
Savor the breeze of the night as we making silly future plans,
The devastation I felt when i wave him goodbye,
And the heart breaking moment when we called it an end.
I remember having this beautiful Ohana prom night,
Seeing others shine in their saucy night gown and seducing make up,
under the sparkling lights my heart sang out I believe I can fly,
Awaiting for some breath taking moment so that I can cherish forever in my heart.
I remember the first time I met you after the Ohana night,
Together me, you and anthon jokes about my lab partner Mr Toady,
Never cross my mind that later you will become someone that meant so much to me,
Maybe it is destiny and I thank God for leading you to me.
Well, all of these precious moments had become past tense now, something called memories, which were meant to fade away with time. But its incredible that i can recall everything so vividly tonight.
Happy birthday to me.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Fruiting effort
current song playing: Counting crows "accidently in love"
From: Sneddon, Jennifer
Sent: Fri 24/06/2005 11:27
To: Ong, Su
Subject:Seminar marks
Attachments:
MISS SU ONG
Is the lung an athletic organ? 87%
Entertaining and informative - covered a wide range of relevant literature in depth. A bit on the long side but we forgave you! Only tick not in very good column was on time keeping.
After 3 sleepless night, critical brain damage, bugging by frequent migrane and loss of appetite due to excessive reading of journals, finally my labour has bore fruits, Wahahahaha.... 22% contribute to the finals.
Well, UK sucks, but at least the lecturers are very generous with marks.
Days in UK
Current mood: tired, gloomy, retarded nerve response, feeling kind of blue.
current song playing: Anthon's "Sad song"
The feeling of blogging at 1am after a tiring, exhausting 9 hours of lectures in Uni is undescribable. A bit numb, apathetic, it's like my brain had turn to the sleeping mode already but my fingers are still typing subconsciously by itself.
its quite amazing when i realize that it has been nearly three weeks i'm in Liverpool now. Gosh, its seems like ages. After the excitement of exploration, the thrill of being in a new place ceases, now all i feel is "i miss home". Its nothing to do with the cold weather, foreign place or the depression of being unable to adapt to the new environment or the different learning style. In fact living in Liverpool can be quite leisuring and enjoying, no 37 degress hot humid weather, no traffic jam, the scenery in Liverpool here is breathtakingly awesome compare to Malaysia, here got beautiful docks, a lot of victorian style building, nice pub and the never sleeping saturday night fever. The whole city itself is a display of art and culture.
Well, for all the goodness that can be simply reached by just walking out through the door, why did i still felt that this is not right? I cant figure out what has gone wrong, it seems like the dreams that i craved so much since my younger days is not really quite my dreams anymore.i keep asking myself isn't it all of these is what i want? why i didnt felt the joy that i thought i should have?
If i really have to confine the root of my restlessness into a define reason, then i have to say its a simple feeling of not belong to here. This is not my home.
All these time, i never realized how much home meants to me. and when i finally understand and appreciate it. i am thousands miles away from home, How pathetic.
Monday, June 20, 2005
music~passion of my life
Well, its supposed to be another boring brit brat afternoon. Long hours of lecture, piles of home works waiting to be finished, haiz.. life can’t be more boring than this. And when I look up the sky this morning, and realize the weather in UK changes like women's mood in oestrus, and all I can feel is , oh this is damn annoying.
But, good things do happened in the most unexpected moments, while I was on my way back from buying some groceries, I had witness a spectacular street performance by a group of hippies. GOsh, they are fabulous! They were using all those trash like pipes, pail, broken pots and etc as their musical instruments. Its like an unplugged concert, the most intriguing sights among all is the massive pipe in orange color whereby they tab on it to produce different pitch of musical notes. They even have three set of it so that different layers of music just like soprano, alto, tenor and bass were merge together in its most harmonic way.
The most interesting part is actually they make the music become some sort of art presenting. They sway along the music, move their body to the rhythm, even went into the crowd to interact with them. and yes, the samba music makes me wanna shake my butt in public and dancing all the way.
Life in UK sucks, but at least I still have music.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
me, myself and i
The decision of shedding the rotten skin of mine and be myself again is not something that come spontaneously. I never thought that some people actually think that all those words I wrote in multiply are fakes. “A hypocrite!” that is what a friend of more than ten years called me, simply because he think that I’m hiding the looser me in my lost world while pretending to be the happy and positive Susan in front of others in multiply. I wish I can feel angry, cuz after the angriness ceases, my mind cleared and I’m back to sense again, I will think that its no big deal and will simply forgive him for the hurt that he cast on me. But what I feel is sad, hopelessly sad and grief. It hurt so much until I suffocated and have to hug myself so tight to stop me from tears.
There is a simply truth that I learnt after the talk with Lyon, that I have to learn to be myself, that I can write for no one but myself, that I can carry on having friends but not completely loving them whole heartly without leaving any space for my own, that I can stop bothering what others think about me and what they expect from me.
Why is it so hard to just being myself?
Well, maybe its because most of the people dunno who are they actually. If I dunno who I am, how can i live for who I am? What make me me? The name “susan”? the meaningless numbers on my ic? the role that I play as a student? a daughter? a friend? My academic achievement? My properties? If I take away all this external factors that makes me me, then will I still be susan?
Actually I found this is fairly intriguing, if one day I went to a whole new place where no one knows me, eg like New Orleans, and I ditch all those external factors that makes me me for all these time, will I still be the same old susan? If the theory works, maybe from totally empty and nothing, I can discover who I am actually. Just like the infant who just parturate from mothers womb, I might be able starting a new life.
Bt I doubt that I can do that, cuz’ eventually the internal factor will still reflecting for who I am, the personality, the emotion state, the past will still bugging me and continue to influence the being of me. So I guess, going to other place thousands kilometers away from home doesn’t makes me a better person neither can make me live a better life, in fact people travels around the world and find that the best place on earth is home.
Maybe I just have to go back to the starting point and try to make a change there, instead of wondering around in the foreign place and lost myself even more.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Let me go
my lost world, my solitude, my one and only refuge,
Its a place that i really wanna say all my thoughts out,
Its a place that i am free to vent all my frustration and anger,
Its a place that i share my true happiness.
its supposed to stay lost and undiscovered forever,
but somehow i lose my guard,
and i let some people come into my territory,
i block my consciousness for a while,
and let others dwell into my most privacy,
cuz'i trust them wont do any harm to me.
But eventually i was wrong,
instead of trying to understand me,
they crash me down and burnt me,
they drown me in and choke my last breath away,
they take away all my belief and faith,
they snap away my last hope.
and now i have nothing left behind,
i have lose the courage to believe again,
i have lose all the trust i build for 10 years,
i have lose someone that once meants an awful lot to me.
so, from now on i am just myself,
i dont have friends anymore,
i will have to go strong and carry on,
and i have to say no to those hurt me
i have to close my doors from those who tore me apart,
cuz' thats the only way i can survive.
so, if you still grab a piece of me,
please let me go,
please free me from this suffocation,
if you once were my friends long time before,
i beg you to just let me go.
this is my lost world,
you can come in if only you really care for me.
or else, leave me alone,
i deserve other things that better than your sympathy.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
the end of the road
i started to know why people stop writting blogs. Because they lose the inspiration, like my friend Joe, because there is nothing more to say, like Lyon. For me its because the road had come to its end.
my friends deserted me, my motivation to write left me, my love for doing something i love to do is gone.
Therefore this is the end.
Someday i might write again, or there will be no someday.
These are my final words.
i'm sincerely sorry, if i'm bossy, self centered, selfish, inconsiderate, stingy, cool etc. i never wanted to be that way, but if i have done so, please forgive me, these are my final plead. I am the decendent of Eve, and i'm weak, i do sin all the time, i'm no perfect, i'm just a worthless clay in The potter's hand. But this is who i am.
i'd never been a good friend, i didnt even have a proper farewell with my friends when i left and flew to UK, cuz' it was to painful for me to say goodbye.Once i thought a friend can loves you for all the goods and flaws in you, but the truth tell me, its never that way. People might get dissapointed with you eventually, sooner or later. i did try to be a better person, for my familiy, my friends and my loves one. But sometime its just not easy, sorry if i failed you, i can never be a person that i can't be.
Its hard for me to get till this far, i thanked God if you supported me all the way, and i hope you can whisper a silence prayer to me even when i write no more.
Good morning, good afternoon and Good night, before my lights burnt out, i wish you well.
nightscamp wrote on Jun 9, '05 hey babe... Sorry you feel you have to go. But anyway, it's a new chapter of life you're working on now. Leave what you have to behind, and ensure that you do move on and move strong! I wish you all the best in your every endevioure. May the light and love of God be with you, guarding and guiding you always through your journey. I hope that you acheive what you've left to achieve, and I hope that you do so to the highest form of excellence! May you always walk in light! May your days always be bright! God be with you. Take care and be well! Sincerely Lanis P.S. you're a wonderful person. |
atlantisian wrote on Jun 9, '05 nightscamp said hey babe... Sorry you feel you have to go.But anyway, it's a new chapter of life you're working on now. Leave what you have to behind, and ensure that you do move on and move strong! I wish you all the best in your every endevioure. May the light and love of God be with you, guarding and guiding you always through your journey. I hope that you acheive what you've left to achieve, and I hope that you do so to the highest form of excellence! May you always walk in light! May your days always be bright! God be with you. Take care and be well! Sincerely Lanis P.S. you're a wonderful person. thanx for the words, i get touched when people wish me God bless cause thats what keep me going strong for all these years, i'm amazed that i still survive well in UK now, its really God bless. |
pohmui wrote on Jun 9, '05, edited on Jun 9, '05 GoD bLeSs.... (get touched) well, susan, we stop writing not because of the world just ended, not because the light goes off but because the new chapter had not began. Hope to see you blogging your new chapter of life when it began. Your light will never burnt off. Hmm.. it reminded me of a poem "Angels of peace.." Anyway.. Your new chapter will begin real soon. |
atlantisian wrote on Jun 10, '05, edited on Jun 10, '05 tammy, its great getting replies from you now and then. just wanna say thanx. well, indeed my new chapter of life have begin, but with alot of tears and heartache. words have powers and its harmful when people mis-use it. one things stopping me from blogging is because words hurts me so much until i have no will to write anymore. to any bloggers out there, blogging is not an easy tool to vent your frustration or complain towards particular someone when you can't do it in reality. its done more harm to the person than you can ever imagine. |
nightscamp wrote on Jun 10, '05 atlantisian said thanx for the words, i get touched when people wish me God bless cause thats what keep me going strong for all these years, i'm amazed that i still survive well in UK now, its really God bless. I Always believe that God is there for His children, even if they don't believe in Him... God IS always there for you and that's why you've survived and will continue to survive... You are strong within. Always believe and always grow stronger... You have what you need to always make the best of life. hugs* God bless and love be with you always! Lanis |
eugenetwj wrote on Jun 10, '05 Susan... you still owe me a song. Dont just leave like that. Sigh.. Well susan, whats gotta come gotta come. All of us bloggers experienced it sometime. Bloggers block i call it. Hehe... But anyway, you're welcome back to blogging anytime ya. Will read your articles anyday. Except for the day that im most busy writing my own :) |
atlantisian wrote on Jun 11, '05 eugenetwj said Susan... you still owe me a song. Dont just leave like that. Sigh..Well susan, whats gotta come gotta come. All of us bloggers experienced it sometime. Bloggers block i call it. Hehe... But anyway, you're welcome back to blogging anytime ya. Will read your articles anyday. Except for the day that im most busy writing my own :) yeah, i constantly read yours too. and it makes my days shine just to read your stuff, but for the mean time, pen off. |
atlantisian wrote on Jun 9, '05 banana2 said yesterday still got post, today say don't want to write anymore... wonder why...anyway, ur blogs are famous and u have some loyal readers, and i am look forward to ur next story! enjoy writing! have fun! don't be stressed! amatuer don't write everyday! jinhaw, you have been a great friend to share my blog with, and i am thankful for that. Things happened and hurt was done, its something that i least expected to received. and i dont have the will to carry on blogging anymore. anyway, i will still felt happy to read constantly what you write, at least its reminding me the pleasure of blogging that once i loved so much. |
lyonlionel wrote on Jun 9, '05 as others have said, you will be missed. perhaps one day.... |
atlantisian wrote on Jun 9, '05 lyon, i'm stepping the same road as once you went through and now i really understand why you do that. guess we are the same kind. cheers, life sucks. |
yjunhan wrote on Jun 15, '05, edited on Jun 15, '05 Hey susan, u kno wat?? I alwiz find u bloggers interesting people!! The way u guys write about & describe juz most of the things fascinate me & i'm dead serious!! I really do enjoy reading ur pieces!! i dun really kno wat u've been thru, but i wud think its quite a harsh thing that u came across...nevertheless, stay strong!! i alwiz thought u were a happy person with strong will & determination! Don't let an obstacle stop u from wat u've been doing! It's not worth it! Continue writing, when inspiration comes! Like Lok Cheng's favourite quote: Never stop to begin; Never begin to stop! Best wishes =) |
atlantisian wrote on Jun 15, '05 yjunhan said Hey susan, u kno wat?? I alwiz find u bloggers interesting people!! The way u guys write about & describe juz most of the things fascinate me & i'm dead serious!! I really do enjoy reading ur pieces!!i dun really kno wat u've been thru, but i wud think its quite a harsh thing that u came across...nevertheless, stay strong!! i alwiz thought u were a happy person with strong will & determination! Don't let an obstacle stop u from wat u've been doing! It's not worth it! Continue writing, when inspiration comes! Like Lok Cheng's favourite quote: Never stop to begin; Never begin to stop! Best wishes =) thanx for the words, it meant alot for me. at times, i thought that life can be so much easier if i care less and just do whatever i want to do, but the fact that when we living in this earth, circle by so many people, its hard to practice detachment. for the moment, the feeling still bugging me, guess i just have to hibernate for a while first. |
garypkh wrote on Jun 15, '05 I really think that you should take things slowly and RELAX... No point rushing to something and end up regretting it later in your life. Maybe you should stop thinking too much, relax for a while and let the fate deals with it. Very often things will turn out to be just fine... |
john3sixteen wrote on Aug 17, '05 atlantisian said For me its because the road had come to its end.my friends deserted me, my motivation to write left me, my love for doing something i love to do is gone. Therefore this is the end. Someday i might write again, or there will be no someday. These are my final words. For someone who has only began to really read multiply blogs, your last entry has really come unexpected. Two months have passed since this journal entry. Have things changed for you? We all lose our motivation to write. Sometimes life deals us a bad card and we feel like leaving everything behind and moving on without getting over things. Have your friends deserted you? Fear not and look around you, there are new friends to be made. Better that you stop writing than you to stop hoping. It is not the end. I refuse to believe that it is the end for you. For we are made more than conquerors and we will never be alone though circumstances seem to tell us that we have nothing to look forward to anymore. No how bad things go, you still have friends like us madcap CB coursemates. We may be poor substitutes to those you left behind in Malaysia, we all learn to make do and make more of our surroundings. You are a strong person. You have a strong personality. Blogs reveal the personal side of you, a page of truth in your life. But never forget to be truthful to yourself. If you have any problems or sorrow, friends are here to share them with you. I won't be seeing you soon when you return to Malaysia and back here to Liverpool, but I will never give up praying that things will be fine for you. Life has much to offer a daughter of God. Be strong. I know you will make it. |
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Time of the life
I waited impatiently for the night to come,
Cuz’ when the door of the LRT opens,
That’s when I get to see you again;
Cant help but feeling the time passing so fast,
When we holding hands walking under the street lights,
And when we lay in each others arm;
After a tiring working day,
Its just me and you,
That’s THE moment of the day,
THE time of my life.
When you are in the west and I’m in the east,
I waited more impatiently for the night to come,
Cuz the sun sets in a much slower pace,
Cant help but feeling the time passing so slow,
When you are not with me;
The endless waiting,
Only fruiting when 930pm came,
Cuz’ that’s when I can hear your voice again,
That’s when the time seems to go fast again;
Walking in the cold night and empty street,
Its just me and you,
That’s THE moment of the day,
THE time of my life.
And this time,
When we are separated by distance and time,
I will wait most impatiently for the evening to come;
I will pray to be able to talk to you again;
I will recall the scent of your breath, the touch of your hand;
I will stay heartachingly missing you;
I will counting the days till we meet again;
I will remember all THOSE moments of my days;
I will never forget all THOSE time of my life.
And finally,
When the one and a half years of loneliness ends,
When all the waiting at last fruiting,
That will be the joyous day in our lives,
That will be the celebration of the our reunion,
That will be the ending of separation,
That will be the starting of the our future,
That will be THE time of our lives.
10 top Trivia tips about me!
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Susan!
- A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but susan can not!
- It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be susan.
- In Japan it is considered rude to talk with susan in your mouth.
- If you toss susan 10000 times, she will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because her head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
- Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of susan in a day.
- If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about susan!
- Susan can smell some things up to six miles away.
- Susan is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
- Banging your head against susan uses 150 calories an hour.
- There are more than two hundred different kinds of susan!
pohmui wrote on Jan 19, '06 atlantisian said Banging your head against susan uses 150 calories an hour. That is too good for a diet.. but my poor head... |
nightscamp wrote on Jan 19, '06 HAHAHAHHA!! I wouldn't think that anyone would be even remotely talking with 'susan in their mouth' anyway. heheheh :) |
chinko wrote on Jan 19, '06 atlantisian said It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be susan. why would a lobster wanna be susan?? |
atlantisian wrote on Jan 19, '06 kohyee, try try try... wanna laugh at urs wan later. |