suddenly realized

Do something out of spontaneity today, something that I didn’t do for quite sometime, enjoying my aloneness. Well, after ffk peter for the lunch, I went to KLCC straightly after the half day hectic work, initially plan to catch a movie at cinema but no good movies are showing, thus end up reading books in Kinokuniya for the whole evening.

I knew if I see peter during the lunch, I will bring all those overnight frustration together with me into our meeting. And since I’m not good at complaining or expressing those negative emotions, most probably I will say nothing and let him wondering what the heck went wrong as we take our lunch in awkwardly silence. Thus, the best way to prevent all these from happen is to dodge any chances of seeing him while in the mean time trying to cool my head off and get rid of all those weary and depressed feelings.

Well, feeling a little bit stupid actually, cuz i recalled what he told me last time that I should tell him straightly and boldly if something went wrong, he admit that guys are slow and nooby at catching up hints. hence, honest is the best policy. When I really think about it, I’m amazed that he could actually predict what I will do way before I actually do it. I guess I’m not the type of person that takes up advice easily, in another word, I’m hopelessly stubborn cuz ironically I still do it anyway.

Well, blame it to the once in a month hormone imbalance for making me felt so edgy for the whole day, in fact I’m at the borderline of loosing my tempers as well. But once i set my feet into the main entrance of kinokuniya, the welcoming smooth rhythm immediately soothes my strung nerves, in fact I’m completely at ease at the time I laid my eyes on the words on the pages of a Dan brown’s book that I simply grabbed. At that very moment, I realized how I miss the solitude, the aloneness… I merely had the time for myself nowadays, the hectic work in the office had really wrung me out, Other than work, I spend most of the time with peter, and i dunno since when my world only spin around him, making him somewhat really important to me, almost unnervingly so. That’s why I’m easily get pissed by tiny flaws in our relationship.

I really enjoy the aloneness I had this evening, finding myself laugh out loud at some funny line without caring so much what the passing crowd would think of me. I even felt that the starbucks ice blended mocha seems to be tastier than usual. It makes me wonders how would I ever think of give up the pleasure of enjoying such a sheer joy of being alone. and all of sudden i just wanna laugh at my stupidity for getting pissed off by peter for all those petty things and thoughts.

i felt sunshine after rain.