Dear daddy

dear daddy....
i'm leaving, in another 30 days, i'm gonna leave your strong and protective arm, which has been my refuge since the day i was borned. You've become the landscape that is home, the mountain that we look to from afar.

You have never been close to your children, though i know you love us so much but you just dont dare to show your affection to us, i dont know whats the price of this stupid man egoism but somehow i knew you felt lonely when we tend to turn to mom instead of you when we are happy or sad. you never scold me badly before, and you never say you love me before either, you are just being a responsible father, a father that provide me physical and material's need but never try to understand my feeling and longing, a father that insist me to go to church every sunday morning but never tell my why i have to do so, a father that stays awake to wait for me and scold me when i hang out until late night but never admit that its because you concern about my safety... Its obvious that there is an invisible barrier between me and you, and to be truthful, you are the one that build it bricks by bricks.

I know you had never expect me to go that far, cuz' you never believe in my dream and you never thought that its necessary for a girl to have big dreams. Sorry if i failed you for not being an obidient daughter, i had always try to make you proud, i strive for good grades in order to please you. though you never said it out but i can see the appoval and the proud beaming in your eyes at those glorious moment when i went on stage to receive acedemic prizes. That has been my aim for the past 20 years in my life, doing something you want me to do but not something i wanna do.

You know what is the problem daddy? the problem is i love you too much, i can even give up my dream for you. i can never found out who i am if i was being led the whole way, i can never be myself when you are so near to reach, i cannot keep leaning on you when i'm supposed to spread my wings and soars in the sky, cuz' you will always be my easy way out and my refuge. Sooner or later, i will lose the courage to fight, the determination to go alone, i will lose the faith to carry on the quest of serching for my true identity, i can never live my own life.

so daddy, this is time, for me to go alone, for me to go my way, for me to achieve my dream. please bless me and pray for me even though its hard for you to let me go.

dear daddy....i'm leaving.