Loner

Its 2:30 in the morning, i'm on my way back from Chenaniah studio, supposed to feel sleepy after a hectic working day and 4 hours songs recording, but then, somehow my mind is crystal clear, in fact i'm in the most awakening state for the whole day.

There's a chill in the air, Babyface mourned a love gone wrong from the radio, street light standing lonely beside the highway waving goodbye to me, the never sleeping Kl city seems to doozed off into the dreamland as well, everything seems to be so quiet and peaceful. Both me and Yvonne stayed silence, busy with our own thoughts while the car speeding at 120km perhours on the highway heading towards wangsa maju.

i look out through the window... amazed by the all those glimmering lights of the night, then, suddenly the loneliness started to drown me, i had the feeling of being the only person left on this earth, in fact the whole universe. The feeling is nothing new to me, it strikes me now and then, but it has been a long time since the last time i felt this.

Quote:"I may have looked lonely, but I never felt insignificant or alone. Sometimes letting my mind wander and I was suddenly glad it was just me. I'm very rarely alone in the sense that another person's physical presence is usually with me. Then again, sometimes no matter where I go or who I'm with, I'm alone. I can be in a room with a hundred people and still I'm completely alone." ~I felt alive, Jan 22, '05 3:01 PM

its seems weird that i still felt lonely when i'm surround by so many friends and love ones, i couldn't explain it, it defied logical explanation, it intrigued and annoyed me at the same time. But tonight, i welcome the loneliness, i even had the deja vu sort of feelings, its like i had experience such kind of loneliness before, maybe in another time, another space, another dimension.

All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do, act like we do. Each of us is unique, and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect and appreciate others in their uniqueness.

Letting our aloneness grow into solitude and not into loneliness is a lifelong struggle. It requires conscious choices about whom to be with, what to live for, where to build your home...

maybe i'm destined to be a loner.

13 Comments

delete reply pohmui wrote on Apr 4, '05 i think, everyone feels the same too. i admit, i always feel lonely not matter how friends tried to accompany me. but i guess, sometimes, being alone is rather happy for me, because, iw ill never hesitate what to do at that moment.. i am just being myself.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 5, '05, edited on Apr 5, '05 pohmui said i think, everyone feels the same too. i admit, i always feel lonely not matter how friends tried to accompany me. but i guess, sometimes, being alone is rather happy for me, because, iw ill never hesitate what to do at that moment.. i am just being myself. guess we are all lone ranger in this struggling life..in between, enjoy the solitude.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 5, '05 Oooh, that picture, its Chii!! Chii, my darling chobit! Chiiiii!!!!! Ahem. Err... Oh ya, so i guess you were feeling pretty lonely at the moment. Or at that moment. Feel fortunate cos you can stil feel that way. Bcos many are lost in their pursuits for worldly achievements. Actually i dont know wat to say, but i just gotta say someting, cos i saw Chi's picture here. And i cant help myself... Chiiiii!!!!!

delete reply banana2 wrote on Apr 5, '05 oh, chii, susan has posted u up there. however, chii is not a loner, she's got hideki. athough she is only a personal computer,hideki loves her as chii, it is not important whether chii is a human or a pasocom... ok liao, talking too much about the display picture :P go to the main topic. actually, why a person feels lonely? as u are surrounded by ur friends and loved one, u should not feel lonely. however, why u feel lonely after all? is that u do not trust ur friends and loved one? u do not let them to go into ur heart? are they really ur friends? all human are not alone, the uniqueness does not make a person alone. is that we need a person to think and feel like us then we will not feel alone? if u think like that, then u must be selfish and have the sense of superiority toward others. ok liao, don't find any accuse anymore, my english is not that good and i dunno what is the difference between loneliness and solitude, for me they are the same. just give away ur heart and u will not be lonely any more. finally, chii is not a loner, she has got hideki, by just be with him, she will not be lonely.

delete reply pohmui wrote on Apr 6, '05 hmm.. well, even with your closest friend, the loneliness won't disappear. this is the loneliness we are talking about.. erm.. it is not because of the trust within friends. but it is the nature.. sometimes, it is just unpredictable..

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 6, '05 pohmui said hmm.. well, even with your closest friend, the loneliness won't disappear. this is the loneliness we are talking about.. erm.. it is not because of the trust within friends. but it is the nature.. sometimes, it is just unpredictable.. yup, tummy know exactly what i'm talking about, hehehe... i think its the girl thing. the aloneness is a part of you, you have to find a way to define it, whether its loneliness or solitude. foe me, at the moment, its still loneliness.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 6, '05 banana2 said oh, chii, susan has posted u up there. however, chii is not a loner, she's got hideki. athough she is only a personal computer,hideki loves her as chii, it is not important whether chii is a human or a pasocom... ok liao, talking too much about the display picture :P go to the main topic. actually, why a person feels lonely? as u are surrounded by ur friends and loved one, u should not feel lonely. however, why u feel lonely after all? is that u do not trust ur friends and loved one? u do not let them to go into ur heart? are they really ur friends? all human are not alone, the uniqueness does not make a person alone. is that we need a person to think and feel like us then we will not feel alone? if u think like that, then u must be selfish and have the sense of superiority toward others. ok liao, don't find any accuse anymore, my english is not that good and i dunno what is the difference between loneliness and solitude, for me they are the same. just give away ur heart and u will not be lonely any more. finally, chii is not a loner, she has got hideki, by just be with him, she will not be lonely. what lar u guys, always kecoh about the anime, but then, i read the comic also, i love her naiveness.

delete reply pohmui wrote on Apr 6, '05 hmm.. ladies talking.. guys.. dun disturb with silly anime gossips..haha..

delete reply pohmui wrote on Apr 6, '05 anyway.. she is cute..

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 6, '05 Manga cannot be compared with anime! The effects arent the same... Oh by the way, female naiveness are for men to exploit.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 6, '05 eugenetwj said Manga cannot be compared with anime! The effects arent the same... Oh by the way, female naiveness are for men to exploit. and man noobness are for women to making fun of, hahaha!! just kidding..

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 6, '05 There are more female noobs than male noobs la susan. Hah! :)

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 8, '05, edited on Apr 8, '05 eugenetwj said There are more female noobs than male noobs la susan. Hah! :) dont wanna start a gender war here, but then, its quite funny to think that female is more noober than man, hmmmm..... prove it!!