Sympathy

Goo Goo Dolls,Sympathy

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And i wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy

Sometime i just feel how sucky my life is,when its all judged and sympathized by those who really dont have anything to do with my life at all. how pathetic it is when the value of one's life is based on how others think about you. I have always thought that this is who i am, i dont need your compliments to make my life better, and i dont need your sympathy to make my life more miserable either. well, its easy to say, but hard to do in real life as i still care about what others say about me, think about me. Itry to practie detachment but to be truthful, its really hard to do that when you are tied by the bond of relationship with people around you. freindship, family, love etc.

what a paradox human is, what a paradox person i am.

Dear daddy

dear daddy....
i'm leaving, in another 30 days, i'm gonna leave your strong and protective arm, which has been my refuge since the day i was borned. You've become the landscape that is home, the mountain that we look to from afar.

You have never been close to your children, though i know you love us so much but you just dont dare to show your affection to us, i dont know whats the price of this stupid man egoism but somehow i knew you felt lonely when we tend to turn to mom instead of you when we are happy or sad. you never scold me badly before, and you never say you love me before either, you are just being a responsible father, a father that provide me physical and material's need but never try to understand my feeling and longing, a father that insist me to go to church every sunday morning but never tell my why i have to do so, a father that stays awake to wait for me and scold me when i hang out until late night but never admit that its because you concern about my safety... Its obvious that there is an invisible barrier between me and you, and to be truthful, you are the one that build it bricks by bricks.

I know you had never expect me to go that far, cuz' you never believe in my dream and you never thought that its necessary for a girl to have big dreams. Sorry if i failed you for not being an obidient daughter, i had always try to make you proud, i strive for good grades in order to please you. though you never said it out but i can see the appoval and the proud beaming in your eyes at those glorious moment when i went on stage to receive acedemic prizes. That has been my aim for the past 20 years in my life, doing something you want me to do but not something i wanna do.

You know what is the problem daddy? the problem is i love you too much, i can even give up my dream for you. i can never found out who i am if i was being led the whole way, i can never be myself when you are so near to reach, i cannot keep leaning on you when i'm supposed to spread my wings and soars in the sky, cuz' you will always be my easy way out and my refuge. Sooner or later, i will lose the courage to fight, the determination to go alone, i will lose the faith to carry on the quest of serching for my true identity, i can never live my own life.

so daddy, this is time, for me to go alone, for me to go my way, for me to achieve my dream. please bless me and pray for me even though its hard for you to let me go.

dear daddy....i'm leaving.

The Gambate Song

C E#

The night is so cold
Am

And I felt that I’m drowning

F

In this cold cold water

C E#

And my heart is burning

Am

Burning to let go

F

Burning to runaway

D G

From this suffocation and desperation

Chorus:

C E#

There is a dawn awaiting

Am

If my heart just keep on beating

F

And my soul keep on searching

C E#

I know I’ll find it someday

Am

I just have to keep on walking

F C

Till the day I found myself again

Atlantisian: finish the whole song at 12:46am, thursday night. my friend told me the song sounds like a gambate song when he first listen to the melody. Well, It sort of give me a starting idea of how i wanna compose the song. But the whole effort really fruiting when inspiration strikes me like a lightning bolt during the jog on a rainy evening, the lyrics flow like streaming river into my head and i sang like a maniac all the way back home.

present to you, the gambate song (click to listen)

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Next: Blogging about nothing

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delete reply ahlok2003 wrote on Apr 28, '05 good try gal... woo..amazing..looking for man voice too?? haha...

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 29, '05 ahlok2003 said good try gal... woo..amazing..looking for man voice too?? haha... gee thanx, ur compliment shine up my day, man voice? wanna duet with me? hehehe...

delete reply anselm wrote on Apr 29, '05 Hi..nice song.. Gambate kudasai... Yong qi ke jia!! How much you wanna sell?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 29, '05, edited on Apr 29, '05 anselm said Hi..nice song.. Gambate kudasai... Yong qi ke jia!! How much you wanna sell? YUHUUUUUU.......... hows Japan? arogato gozaimasta. too bad, never get the chance to sing with you, haih... how much i wanna sell? priceless... cuz no one wants it. take care, anselm.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 30, '05, edited on Apr 30, '05 Wow, a really nice song. After the last sentence you could play some more guitar to smooth-en the ending ^o^ ! Cool cool... hope you get to get rained on everytime you go jogging, so we have more songs to listen to :P --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 30, '05 eugenetwj said Wow, a really nice song. After the last sentence you could play some more guitar to smooth-en the ending ^o^ ! Cool cool... hope you get to get rained on everytime you go jogging, so we have more songs to listen to :P i have bridge for the song, but the lousy recorder can only record for 1 minute, too bad. anyway, i can smell the star wars heat in the air, its everywhere, advertisment, radio, conversation, bleh...

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on May 2, '05 Susan susan... the recorder can record more than 60seconds la. You just have to press the red Record button again, and it will continue recording for another 60 seconds. Alternatively, you could record them as 2 parts, then use Recorder to join the 2 parts together, making a 120second song! :) :) Star wars on heat? Any mounters? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bull's graduation

Graduation is a time
For feeling very proud,
For thinking lots of lovely thoughts
And saying them out loud.
It's a time for feeling love
About to overflow,
And just before it leaps its banks,
To let the loved one know.

And so I'm very proud of you
For being who you are,
For making something of yourself,
For making it this far.

I'm proud because I am a part
Of everything you do.
This time's the time to say how much
In love I am with you.

Graduation

for everyone

i used to think that convocation is nothing big deal, for me, its just a ceremony where people wasting their money to take gigantic photo of their proof of graduation and hang it on the wall of living room so that their mom can boost and show off a bit when their neighbours come.

in fact, I felt like 'K le fe' most of the time when i'm attending my friend's convo, cuz' they have so many people surrounding them and congratulating them, so many flowers to receive, so many people to hugs and so many photo to take, so i thought it really doesnt matter whether i'm actually there or not cuz' it wont make a difference to the whole event and maybe they didn't notice my presence anyway. But most of all, i really hate the crowding environment and the endless waiting. That's why i even ffk my own diploma convocation.

But, when i went to attend my friend's convo today at shang ri la hotel, it really changes some of my points of view. For the whole evening, he keep saying thank you and telling me how much he appreciate my presence, i know the fact that at the instance he saw me from afar, the smile appears in his face was so sincere it shows how happy he was simply because i'm here. its a simple show of gratitude and somehow i felt glad for being a part of this meaningful event.

Well, i came to realize that highlights of convocation is really nothing about taking photograph of you receiving the scroll from minister of education, its about sharing the meaningful moment with your family and love one. it really doesnt matter whether they actually 'layan' you or not cuz maybe they are too busy taking photo and doing other stuff, its the fact that when you saw them happy, you felt happy as well, simply because they are your friends and you want to share their happiness and achievement.

To Peter, Belinda and Lengsi, this poem is for you guys,

"Graduation"

As we come upon your graduation
A happy and joyous time for celebration
College life has finally come to an end
And your future lies just around the bend

Graduation reasons to rejoice
As you are stepping on another milestone today
Your graduation becomes my pleasure
And your happiness is mine, a double treasure

As we close on this graduation day
I wish you luck along your way
I hope all your dreams come true
In whatever you choose to do

lastly, HAppy graduating !

Prev: package
Next: The gambate song

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delete reply qthk81 wrote on Apr 17, '05 atlantisian said i used to think that convocation is nothing big deal, for me, its just a ceremony where people wasting their money to take gigantic photo of their proof of graduation and hang it on the wall of living room so that their mom can boost and show off a bit when their neighbours come. in fact, I felt like 'K le fe' most of the time when i'm attending my friend's convo, cuz' they have so many people surrounding them and congratulating them, so many flowers to receive, so many people to hugs and so many photo to take, so i thought it really doesnt matter whether i'm actually there or not cuz' it wont make a difference to the whole event and maybe they didn't notice my presence anyway. But most of all, i really hate the crowding environment and the endless waiting. That's why i even ffk my own diploma convocation. But, when i went to attend my friend's convo today at shang ri la hotel, it really changes some of my points of view. For the whole evening, he keep saying thank you and telling me how much he appreciate my presence, i know the fact that at the instance he saw me from afar, the smile appears in his face was so sincere it shows how happy he was simply because i'm here. its a simple show of gratitude and somehow i felt glad for being a part of this meaningful event. Well, i came to realize that highlights of convocation is really nothing about taking photograph of you receiving the scroll from minister of education, its about sharing the meaningful moment with your family and love one. it really doesnt matter whether they actually 'layan' you or not cuz maybe they are too busy taking photo and doing other stuff, its the fact that when you saw them happy, you felt happy as well, simply because they are your friends and you want to share their happiness and achievement. To Peter, Belinda and Lengsi, this poem is for you guys, "Graduation" As we come upon your graduation A happy and joyous time for celebration College life has finally come to an end And your future lies just around the bend Graduation reasons to rejoice As you are stepping on another milestone today Your graduation becomes my pleasure And your happiness is mine, a double treasure As we close on this graduation day I wish you luck along your way I hope all your dreams come true In whatever you choose to do lastly, HAppy graduating ! yes, it's true... it really matters to me to see my friends happy. so, i guessed i'll be coming for advanced diploma convo, cos suddenly i remembered i had constantly encouraged my friends: "we come here together, we went trou all together, and we will be graduating together..." u ffk diploma convo, so are u coming for this convo then? =P well, like wat u said: HAPPY GRADUATING!!

delete reply pohmui wrote on Apr 18, '05 wo.. well well.. i agreed with quinnie. we might not came in together, we go through much together, we enjoy while we sad together and lastly we graduate together. graduation is the final point where everyone still remains having the same path together.. where after that or maybe during that we slowly parted to their own journey, and their life. at this point of life.. convocation is not by means of just taking pictures of a sign of successfully overcome the study path but it is a point to enjoy the last final moment of our study path. our joy of meeting back friends who had once been together with us, doing and making sacrifices. so.. Happy GRADUATION, and enjoy..

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 18, '05, edited on Apr 18, '05 qthk81 said yes, it's true... it really matters to me to see my friends happy. so, i guessed i'll be coming for advanced diploma convo, cos suddenly i remembered i had constantly encouraged my friends: "we come here together, we went trou all together, and we will be graduating together..." u ffk diploma convo, so are u coming for this convo then? =P well, like wat u said: HAPPY GRADUATING!! Iike i said, it really changes some of my point of view, i will try to make to the adv. dip convo, and hope that my family will be here as well, but it seems like impossible to have them fly over from Kuching to KL. Anyway, in the mean time, just get as many people as it can to attend, Cuz' thats the true meaning of the whole event~ sharing ps: i'm touched by what sher ai wrote, for the very last time lets keep the ACB2 spirit alive!!

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delete reply ahlok2003 wrote on Apr 18, '05 atlantisian said Iike i said, it really changes some of my point of view, i will try to make to the adv. dip convo, and hope that my family will be here as well, but it seems like impossible to have them fly over from Kuching to KL. Anyway, in the mean time, just get as many people as it can to attend, Cuz' thats the true meaning of the whole event~sharing. ps: i'm touched by what sher ai wrote (about durian and etc), for the very last time, lets keep the ACB2 spirit alive!! sorry with this..i disagree with her!!! "for the very last time lets keep the ACB2 spirit alive!! " never end before and in future!..who say..atleast lok said that !!

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 18, '05 ahlok2003 said sorry with this..i disagree with her!!! "for the very last time lets keep the ACB2 spirit alive!! " never end before and in future!..who say..atleast lok said that !! okok... not the very last time, cuz' there's always more last last time in future to come. hehehe... what about this, lets keep the ACB2 spirit alive forever!!

delete reply nightscamp wrote on Apr 18, '05 Agreed babe... It's a feeling of accomplishment and it's something they wanna share with other people who are really close to them... :)

delete reply eveec wrote on Apr 18, '05 i remember the first convo i saw in ktar...i just saw it from afar, everyone wearing the robes and i was walking to one of our saturday lectures...flower stalls everywhere...i remember thinking to myself...one day, im gonna go to my own convo ...it really felt like a long time more to go...but i knew id make it one day! =) just cant wait=D

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 18, '05 *Burp* Graduation me no likey... bcos me graduation has not been confirmed yet :(

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 18, '05 eugenetwj said *Burp* Graduation me no likey... bcos me graduation has not been confirmed yet :( dont be too passive, sure you will be able to graduate with the rest of ACB2, anyway still got 1 paper to go right? GAMBATEEEEE.....

Package

for everyone

"A lot of time I wasted,
Wishing I could be,
The opposite of everything
My mirror showed to me.
But then one day I realized,
The only thing to do,
Was try to be a better me
And not another you."

Lately, my third eye had awakened, insights strike me like lightning bolt now and then, getting the deja vu feelings quite sometimes, even have some lucid dream as well. i think i'm achieveing enlightment soon, and the best thing is i dont even have to meditate under the Bo-tree.

anyway, i wanna share one of my insights, its something about being yourself.

Life is a "package deal", If today you were a bit wealthier, skinnier, smarter, or cuter than you already are, there'd likely have been "prices" to pay in other areas of your life. Maybe you wouldn't be as insightful or compassionate as you are today, or maybe you wouldn't laugh as much, help as much, or enjoy your life that much either.

Its all about the fact that everything happened for a reason.

why are you not prettier than cecellia chung? cuz' then people will notice more about your personality and capability than your appearance. Why are you not wealthier than the Paris Hilton? cuz' then you wont lose the joy of enjoying simple and 'cheap' thing in your life and not end up screwing up by living a luxury yet empty life....

All of these little-less-than-others have build your finer senses and polished your character like nothing else could have. Hence, enjoy what you have and what you dont have, bask in your radiance and understand that what you lack (compare to others), are also your advantages.

Never forget that you ARE the package.

Prev: Chenaniah..
Next: Happy graduating

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delete reply nightscamp wrote on Apr 14, '05 that's a great lesson for just about everyone~! Thanks for sharing. :) *huggles*

delete reply pohmui wrote on Apr 14, '05 some people encourage others by saying "You look Pretty if you are prettier, You look tall if you are taller.." but what everyone did not want to say is.. " you are pretty being yourself. you are tall being yourself..."

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 15, '05 pohmui said some people encourage others by saying "You look Pretty if you are prettier, You look tall if you are taller.." but what everyone did not want to say is.. " you are pretty being yourself. you are tall being yourself..." agree totally with you. thats why i'm so proud of my chubby face, hehehe... and tammy, you look great at that height.

delete reply craziivan wrote on Apr 15, '05 I don't think Cecillia Chung is pretty, but she is DAMNED HOT!!!!!!

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 15, '05 craziivan said I don't think Cecillia Chung is pretty, but she is DAMNED HOT!!!!!! guys are so obssess with cecelia chung, i wonder why, and CP, you look great with the mole on your face, hehehe...

delete reply craziivan wrote on Apr 15, '05 Well its the package thing again, if i were anymore hotter I might be 10 times more evil than I am today.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 15, '05 What you wrote is just great. I hope it has nothing to do with self pity. You look great at that height too Susan. And your fat deposits on your cheeks... they're hot. Really. Not forgetting to mention your crooked teet... ... ... huh? :P Just accept your original self. If you love yourself more, you'll accept yourself as you are. By the way, check out CPs package. WOOHOO!

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 15, '05, edited on Apr 15, '05 eugenetwj said What you wrote is just great. I hope it has nothing to do with self pity. You look great at that height too Susan. And your fat deposits on your cheeks... they're hot. Really. Not forgetting to mention your crooked teet... ... ... huh? :P Just accept your original self. If you love yourself more, you'll accept yourself as you are. By the way, check out CPs package. WOOHOO! well, you really know me, eugene, why did i have all those thought in the first place? well, tell u what, self despising lead me to this, maybe i just wanna get rid of whole emotional turmoil by blogging, its a way of convincing yourself, but still sounds fake, right? anyway, you have those teeth too, i think thats why we so clicked ;p

delete reply ahlok2003 wrote on Apr 17, '05 Was try to be a better me ...

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 17, '05, edited on Apr 17, '05 ahlok2003 said Was try to be a better me ... always, in fact struggling very hard to do that.

delete reply ahlok2003 wrote on Apr 18, '05 atlantisian said always, in fact struggling very hard to do that. i always feel better when i notice i still have space to improve..

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Apr 17, '05 *Yawn* ... ... huh @,@ ?? What did you say? Get over and done with it susan... lifes got plenty of other problems to worry about. AND MY TEETH ARE NOT CROOKED, JUST SLIGHTLY SLANTED! GRRRRRRR...

delete reply banana2 wrote on Apr 17, '05 oh? u can still feel like normal after u open ur third eye? interesting... normally great fear will arise after one attain that... cz one will know too much after that... it's great thing that u are still normal and be at ease. i like the display picture very much

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Apr 18, '05 banana2 said oh? u can still feel like normal after u open ur third eye? interesting... normally great fear will arise after one attain that... cz one will know too much after that... it's great thing that u are still normal and be at ease. i like the display picture very much the third eye is my seventh sense, inside my heart, 心眼。 actually i got a lot of those, most of them are funny animated pic. send me your email and i foward to you. ;P