Reconciliation

I found another long lost friend today, Angeline. Blog really does wonders, arent you agree? ok i know Facebook is equally efficient in finding the boy sitting at the classroom corner whom you have secretly admired during the primary school days. But still, i am stubbornly sticking to my one and only way of virtual networking, which is this blog whom had faithfully accompanied me through the hype and low of my life for the past 5 years.

Anyway, back to my long lost friend, Angeline. She used to be my faithful benchmates, as we always sit together during lectures. Whenever i'm late for class, i'll have no worries cuz i knew she will reserved a seat for me. Back in those days, i dont have many friends from my own group, and she was the only friend who was able to tolerate my nerdiness throughout the 4 years of my college life. Shame on me, we used to be bff during my college years but we failed to keep in touch with each other the moment we waved goodbyes and stepped out of the college.

I must said that the official transit from a student to the world of adults really over whelmed me during that time, like a busy bee i've gluttonously absorbed whatever shits (ok, majorities are not) this new world offerred to me, which includes new friendship, new love interest, new hobbies such as culinary and travel, and the list goes on.

In a way it had also blinded me as i was too engrossed in the process of experimenting and exercising this newly found freedom. To the extent of ignoring my old mates, those who had accompanied me through a much significance and greater fraction of my life. Frankly, i think i've lost in touch with 90% of my ex college mate and school mates.

Apart from the mentioned reason, i need to admit that it actually has alot to do with my funny attitude as well. I'm a very private person to be frank. I do think that every person has his/her emotional comfort zone which he/she feel safe when its remain secluded and non-intruded. Imagine if someone suddenly stand too close to you, i bet you that all the cells in your body will start to itch as though there are ants crawling in your skin. The invisible line which you have subconsciously drawn to distance yourself from others is the physical comfort zone that i'm talking about.

Its the same with our emotional comfort zone, all of us have different perceived level of personal security. Most of the time we only allow ourselves to have emotional interaction with others up to a certain degree. You will be surprised to see a gentle person turns into a furious lion when their comfort zone was invaded. The best example is during confrontation times, especially when its related to a personal issue or a weakness in us which we are in total self deception. Because deep down inside we know that the revelation will strip us bare and leaves us no room to run away.

Well, i have went through once and lost a friend forever. I swore to myself i will never went through the same experience again. That's why I said that I am a very private person, there are not many friends i can be very open and frank with, or even to have a long sustained friendship with. And sometimes i prefer to be that way. We can hang out and share a good time together but there will be a boundary which he/she can never cross. A distance which defines my security and privacy.

Although i'm still very much the same Susan from 6 years ago, however, somewhere along the road i've opened my all to him without even realizing. He had taught me the joy of having no boundaries between two hearts, to be able to share not only thoughts but a life together.

Anyway, am still a very lousy friend, but at least i'd 'reconciled' with some of my old friends lately in the blogsphere. Bowl, Dorcas, and now Angeline, she who remembers my birthday every year without fail.

I'm so blessed to have you all.

Ps: Read Angeline's latest entry on lost and found just now, am having a good laugh as those "nerdy" days of ours were so vivid in my memory as though it only happened yesterday! Seriously, no one willing to accompany me to Pasar Seni other than you, my dear friend.

Since you uploaded my photo in your entry, i will return the favor as well. jeng jeng jeng

Ps2: Maybe Midvalley is a better idea, and this auntie is still not planning to create a FB account. muahahaha...