Through a glass, darkly

Time slowly approaching 2008, another new year. Sad to say, i'm not eager or looking foward to the starting of this very new year at all.

It has been quite difficult for me for the last couple of days, received a news which really turn my world upside down. My mind is in chaotic stage and i have to think very hard about the past incidents in my life to relate myself to the news, to convince myself that its true. Deep inside me, i hope that i have never received the news in the first place and continue to live blissfully in ignorance. I cant really characterized that as a great ending to close the chapter of 2007. I doubt that anything good will come out in this last 6 hours before the clock hits 0:00. Guess it wont be a good start for 2008 either.

I begin to believe that i will never understand what life is all about. finishing the last stage, i thought i have learned something, gained some experience and its time to move on. Hence, i ran eagerly to the next stage, with all the purpose and courage.

Along the journey, i realized 'something', a lesson, a truth, or even something about myself which i never knew before. I may not comprehend and fully accept that something, but i know from that moment on, i have to carry that something until the end of days.

Along the journey, i lost something. a friend, an innocent part of me, a moment or even a memory. However the balance of the nature is always true. I do gained something as well, a new friend, a dog, a new perspective of viewing things, a new direction etc.

This time, its kind of slow that the realization finally come to me, how similar the last stage is compare to this stage, or maybe there isnt that much difference from the last last stage as well. I am just repeating the whole cycle again. The thought really makes me feel reluctant to try to make any resolution for 2008. Cuz i know, i may achieve certain things by the end of the day, but there are certain thing which i can never achieve no matter how hard i try, or there are something which will be lost no matter how strong i'm holding it.

I will never understand what life is all about, cuz its all through a glass, darkly....... (1 Corinthians 13:12)

Happy 2008.

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delete reply craziivan wrote on Jan 1, '08 Cheer up, 10 years from now you'd probably look back and not even remember what brought you down in the first place. I'm not belittleling what you're going through, just that we grow through hardship, and at the end of the day, we come out stronger. The worst thing anyone can do when faced with adversity is to get bitter and jaded

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Feb 18, '08 Well it seems to me that you're not making N.Y. resolutions like me....but for different reasons. I just don't make them....full stop. At this moment (well back in the last days of 2007) you were feeling there seems no point in repeating yourself - what's the point eh? But that's natural. It's like any pain...most types of pain eventually go. Either that or you die....but then it won't matter then will it? It's not wonderful to hear at the low & confusing times....and doesn't even seem possible. But it's happened on a number of occasions. Just when you think there's nothing ahead but a blank wall - bumpf - there it is - an arrow pointing to a direction - where once there was no way of figuring how to get from here to there. I don't know what it is you're going thru - but taking time out to reflect on it - and what, where, and how of where to go from here & what it's all about - this is where time on your own - just you & the Lord - is a time to refresh that acquaintance. By the way....since I only read this today several weeks after you wrote this - and you're feeling on top of the world now - just ignore everything I've just said!

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Mar 5, '08 well, life moves on... no matter how bad it is, life moves on. like i said i may have to carry this for the rest of my life, but i have my way to deal with it, in His will.

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Mar 10, '08 didn't know it was that bad......"may have to carry this for the rest of my life"..... it must've been hard whatever it was. Whatever it was - if you feel somehow responsible for the whatever - then make amends as best you can - at least say sorry. If it's not your fault - then in time....in this case a very long time....in time if you trust & rely in little things in little ways on our Lord....then surely a light will glow in your life. At first you may not even notice it....but bit by bit....it will happen. Then when you look back you'll see there's a reason why that situation/matter was left behind. Maybe things to learn how to deal with a similar situation in future. At the moment it won't feel that way....the days will seem dead and/or heavy....but they'll only continue to be like that - when we don't have/know G.

Delicate

今天，你哭了。。。
看见昔日挚友经社会的洗尘，清澈无垢的眼眸已不再；
那些曾经只有在电影电视里才会看到的场景，如今已悄然走近友人身边；
颓废，沉醉于人性的污浊中。
“ How did they sunk so low?"
你哭着问， 不了解，更不明白，
人的灵魂掉进黑暗的深渊里，却越坠越快乐。

一个十九岁的男生， 淌着男儿泪，
我的字句梗在喉咙里，一句话也吐不出来。
眼眶湿了，
为着你爱灵魂的心，也为着自己许多身旁的朋友忧伤，
他们平日谈笑风生，却在夜深人静时被孤单寂寞深深侵蚀，
像一只困兽似的挣扎，打钻，却怎么也出不来，
城市的寂寞，有时比毒药更要伤人。

或许他还不能明白，但我却明白，
那种空虚的滋味，无法自拔。
偶尔我也还是会这样，刹那间被无名的空虚所吞噬，
所有思绪被情感所主宰，胸口闷的好像要窒息似的，
逃亡似的一头栽到网络虚拟世界里，寻找温存，寻找安慰。

突然想起Damien Rice 的那首歌-Delicate，
两年前的自己差点崩溃，
绝望之时，心中不断地重覆着歌里那一句话
"Why do you fill my sorrow with the words you've borrowed?"
现在偶然听见这首歌，胸口仍会隐隐发疼。。。

Saturday, August 20, 2005
I feel my soul had emptied completely,
the emotion turmoil drained me of all strength,
numb and stone cold, sensation no more,
but the ironic thing is I still can feel the throbbing pain inside.
lying on the bed starring at the ceiling,
I'm waiting for the pain to subside,
But in the silence, my tears dropped.

I cried,
I cried,
And I cried...

Until my tears dried,
until I felt that I can cry no more.
I bent down my knees,
Silently, words by words,
I voiced it out.

Heavenly father,
why did they fill my sorrow with the words they've borrowed?
what did Iove done to deserve such a disgrace?
i have nothing to give, how can they ask for more?

I'm the worthless clay in The potter's hand.
mercy me.........

I finally slept,
and rested in The father's arm.

今夜，你睡在父的臂膀了吗？

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delete reply craziivan wrote on Dec 19, '07 Waaaaa?

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Feb 25, '08 did you write this yourself....I know you typed it physically...what I mean is - did you compose it & not copied it from somewhere else?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Mar 5, '08 nah, its not a song or anything. so you cant really said that its being composed. except the sentence 'why do you fill my sorrow with the words they've borrowed?' is extracted from a Damien Rice Song called 'Delicate'. Its just my personal feelings towards the sadness and emptiness of the so called city people, and i used to goes with the flow until one day being hurt badly by my own words which 'the accuser' had borrowed. anyway, those time....

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Mar 10, '08 ......are gone right?

Christmas isnt Christmas

It was early Tuesday morning, the angels woke me up as i dream of an old Christmas song.

"Christmas isn’t Christmas
Till it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts

So give your heart to people
You’ll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas, really Christmas for you!"

The KLCC shopping mall was excessively packed with last minute shoppers last sunday night, the area where the parking ticket vending machines located were so crowded that the queque looks like a maze to me. Well, its not like i have any issue with it cuz its vain just to say things like that and then swim right back into the sea of shoppers (opps!).

Although christmas has been commercialized nowadays (to the extent i'm quite agree with that). However, i always think that Christmas is not just about gifts and christmas party. Its about the SPIRIT of christmas!! How the christmas songs can lighten the mood, how the sight of the shinning christmas tree able to make your inner child running out, how the surprise christmas gift will makes you cries out in glee, and how the Christmas Mass draws you so nearer to the baby Christ.

Christmas time these days really stir up a lot of my emotion, it really reminds me that growing up is fun. I brought up in traditional Christian family, and as a child, i've always love Christmas season, cuz its my once a year 'happening' moment where i get to wear up my shinning white dresses and become the angle who declared the good news of the birth of Jesus Christ during the caroling. it just oozes such a warm fuzzy feeling everytime i reminescence on those innocent days. Although now i have jumped out of the traditional frame of the Christians, I still harbor a lot of these similar feelings for Christmas.

While i'm writing these, my heart is singing with the excitement of wanting to share all of these feelings out bluntly with no reserve. people asked me shouldn't we do these at all time instead of only once a year, people also criticizes those consumers who falls into the fake Christmas tranquility putting up by those smart business man. what i really wanted to say is whether we like it or not, living in the city itself makes us get too caught up in our lives and forget about what's the thing which matters the most. So is it that bad if we have some nice holidays to remind us what we should be doing more often, and if not, the purpose of what we celebrate? The civilizations had created special occasions to bring people together, and why not we take full advantages of it instead being defensive and critical?

I was reading a friend's blog yesterday,

"以为我能习惯 一个人的安全感
圣诞节即将来令 我还是讨厌一个人度过
我还是讨厌在新加坡度过
无话可说。。~Lyon"

my dear friend, you will never get used to celebrating Christmas alone, cuz its never Christmas until you celebrated and share it with someone. I wish that someone will be there for you during this season and tell you what, don't let it slip away as soon as the 24hour occasion is over.

Merry Christmas in advance to everyone!

Things i have done in 2007

Just wanna drop a line to a very dear sister of mine.

"Welcome Back, JV!!!"

Having JV back here again makes me suddenly realized how fast the time flies. 11 months ago, it was me the one who waved goodbye to my dearest churchmates in Manchester Airport, leaving behind my spiritual green house in Liverpool. And now after nearly one year, when i saw her standing in front of me and knowing for sure that she is back for good, the feeling of gratitude flooded me, cuz i finally understand that as long as we stayed in christ, the sisterhood, the bond which once hold us so tightly will never be loosen no matter how long the time had passed.

Anyway, the gifts which she brought back for me really touched my heart. Thanks to Susan Kam for the aromatic Earl Grey Tea, Lydia for the yummy chocolates marshmallows and Lorna, Wang Yue, Kohyee and JV for the English Bible which i've always wanted. Ky, thanks for being so sensitive to my needs *touched*

Anyway, another month to go before waving goodbye to 2007. yeah, THE 2007, the year which signify the end of my carefree student life, the year which i have started the new chapter of my life as a working adult, supporting my family, loves ones, and more importantly supporting myself. The road towards the independence wasn't really a bed of roses, I have to say everything which happened to me in the past 11 months comes with a lot of struggle, uncertainty, effort and decision. However, the recognition as a women of independence is the best reward out of it. I wont say that I am 100% independent though, physical or financial independence doesnt means anything, the maturity of able to manage one's financial, spirituality, emotional (EQ), relationship, social, career stabilization, decision and resolution etc. are much more matters than just 'i-dont-take-parents-money', or 'i-am-driving-my-own-car '.

By the way, back to the main topic of this blog. Below is the list of what i have done so far for this year:

• Play guitar in the church again
• Having teh tarik session at 12am (first time after 2 years)
  
• Learning what IT is all about than just replying emails and writing blogs
• Become a software Quality Assurance
  
• Travel to Greece on my own
  
• wandering around in Vienna with no specific plan for 5 hours
  
• Cook Spaghetti Carbonara for >20 people in the church
• Enter a mortuary
• Attending Charity Dinner while being harassed by a cocky self-claimed Dato for the whole night
• Fry spaghetti with Bacon
  
• spending my birthday alone at home eating da-bao rice
• Sleep together with the doggie
  
• talk to strangers in Business Cocktail dinner
• flying more frequent than the past 23 years of my life (Sarawak, UK, Thailand, Vienna, Greece)

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delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Dec 4, '07 I tried to write this reply...but I think I've got to do it again. So you finally got round to joining me on Multiply eh? No wonder....you've been so buzy (as usual). Some questions from this blog: 1. What's a "teh tarik session" 2. Why did you have to visit a mortuary? This is another thing I have in common with you. As an art student (doing Fine Art degree) - the first bldg I was based - the basement was originally a mortuary! The actual bldg was a former specialist hospital. Each floor where students had workplaces - they were called something something ward - which gives a clue that it was a hospital once a long ago. The basement was always cold - and it was probably not just due to heating situation! A student used to base herself down there - all by herself.....we had our lectures down there as well....yes in the mortuary. 4. Birthday on your own......?? What happened to your P.....??? Is he OK now? 5. Sleep with the doggie?? No way do I have this in common with you. No sleeping with doggie....or catty....or birdy... They have their kennel, basket, cage....I have my bed. No sharing. 6. What's a "self-claimed Dato"?? Any answers to clear up the above mysteries...will be appreciated. By the way the weather is very rainy and coldish - whereas I'm sure Carmen is enjoying warm weather over there eh?

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Dec 4, '07, edited on Dec 4, '07 hehe. all the mysteries is actually what i called as malaysian culture and 'slang': 1. Teh tarik is a local tea which during the preparation they will pour the tea from one cup to another cup repeatedly.its like 'tarik' the tea, which means 'pull'. so teh tarik session is basically 'have a cuppa' in British term, or 'yum char' in cantonese. 2. One of my company products is with respect to the forensic application in which the technology enables digital post mortem. So i have to constantly visit the mortuary to meet the end users- Forensic Pathologist 4. He is fine. just that my birthday falls on Monday, and we celebrated the day before, so nothing 'big ' happens on the birthday itself. 6. Dato is a title which is given by the Malaysian Government to some of Malaysian who have significant achievement/contribution towards the country. Nowadays, even singer/actress can become Dato. Its 30 over degrees everyday in Malaysia! i cant say that its enjoyable though, hehehe.

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Dec 12, '07 So!.....you really celebrated your birthday the day before....eh I think Susan O you're trying to court sympathy there aren't you - by saying you spent your birthday alone eh???

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Dec 12, '07 By the way it was minus 2 last night....and the day feels like it too!

Rat catching MikO

was nearly dawn, woke up by a funny sound.

"chip...chip..chip..."

I looked at my watch, its 6 am. The other side of my bed is empty, thats strange. Miko always sleep together with me. I recalled her strange behavior last night, usually by midnight, she will lying close to my legs waiting to go to sleep. But last night she was furiously running from one side of the conner of the house to the other side. Sniffing and scratching, as though she is searching for something.

The strange sound continues....

I walked silently to the living room. Although it was pitch black, but I can still saw Miko and Qui Qui sitting in the middle of the room looking intensely at the direction of the pillows on the floor. I try to called her to come back to the room with me, but she ignored me totally. Then, she look at me, intensely.... i swear if there is such thing as the eye language existed, she would use the movement of eyeballs to tell me to remove the pillow on the floor. Well, you know what happened next, curiosity kills the 'Rat' .Once the pillowed was removed, i saw a black furry creature moving underneath.

From that moment on, everything happens in a split second. I jumped behind, Miko jumped infront to catch the creature, i hold Miko back to prevent her to do so, then i throw the pillow back to the rat. i wake up the whole family, the brave mom remove the pillow and discovered the rat was dead. i look at the dead rat horrifyingly while shivers ran through my spine. The brave mom took plastic bag to dispose the corpse. Everyone back to sleep.

*phew*

But, one thing i learned, there is no such thing as mickey mouse or Ratatouille in the reality. And yes, DOG knows how to catch RAT also.



*RAWwwww.....* I am a RAT catching DOGGIE!

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delete reply chinko wrote on Oct 14, '07 wow...since when u have a dog?and since when u r good with dogs?hehe

delete reply susanjade2 wrote on Oct 17, '07 This dog is really yours?! - or did have in the past? Have had dogs previously...tho not so 'cuddly' as this one. Miko looks so small. The ones my family had were German Shepherds/Alsatians - police type dogs = used for security. We lived in a tough place! If the dog's currently yours...where do you have time to feed, clean, walk the dog?

looking up to God

There is a beautiful passage in Mitch Albom's latest book "for one more day", just wanna share the excerpt here.

This is the conversation between a ghost mother and a child.

"for three years after i married your father,i wished for a child. In those days , three years to get pregnant, that was a long time. People thought there was something wrong with me, so did i."
"there was late one night when i couldnt sleep." she rubbed her hand over the bark as if unearthing an old treasure. "Ah, still there."
i leaned in. The word "please" had been carved into the side.
"what is it?"
"A prayer....for a child"
"For me?"
She nodded.
"On a tree?"
" Trees spending all days looking up to God."

How many times i look up to God when i am in desperate need? My practicality always makes me look upon myself even at times when i'm drowning. The hands that were meant to lift up to the sky were struggled to resist the momentum of waves themselves.

It was my practicality that blocks me from looking up to God.

And it was my practicality that hinders me from seeing the things that happens beyond practical.

I am practical, therefore i am not a tree.
But how i wish i can looking up to God all times.

Mr Traveler ( An extra post from the Scotland trip)

This is a post which is solely consist of my imagination and the monologues i have in my mind when i saw this perfect stranger in this foreign land. I shall call him Mr Traveler.

I think i do have guitarist-fetish, i realized that my eyes always drawn to some lads wearing torn jean carrying a guitar walking on the street. The same magic worked on me that night the first instant i saw Mr traveler.

Mr traveler was sitting beside my double decker bedsit when i first check-in into the dorm. It was quite weird that a young man like him seems to have no place to go on Thursday night in a city like edinburgh. Lying on his bed, he was playing guitar leasurely, ignoring the blasting music and tempting neon light from the bars just beside the hostel. He was fully absorbed in his own world, not even realizing there were some chinese girls move into the bedsits beside his, or he just dont give a damn to the presence of any human being in the room.

"which country he came from? Why was he alone? what song was he playing?"

curiosity continue to flood me.

So here i am, sitting on my bed, wearing my comfortable pyjamas, stealing a look at Mr traveler who busied dwelling in his own dimension. The dim light shone on his back, even his shadows smell of loneliness.

I guess this the life of a traveler. No destination, no friends, no fancy clothes.... just a loner and a guitar. Arriving alone in some smelly dirty city on the far side of the planet where no one speaks anything even resembling your language, with no hotel reservation, no idea when will the next shower be.... It may sounded pitiful from that kind of perspective. However, maybe this is just the life they desired for, no string attached, no commitment, no relationship, no 8am to 5pm job a day... just the sky above and the solid ground underneath as their home.

Somehow he reminds me of Ray Lamontagne, singing 'trouble' under the street light.

Mr Traveler was already slept soundly the next day when me and the girls came back from late night Jazz bar. Again, me and Mr Traveler sleep in the same room with no hello, by the way my name is susan. I guess now you know the ending of the story of the traveler. (Anyway, if you still dont know what this story is all about, let me remind you this is a boring story of strangers in a foreign city which their life will never intersect with each other). Alas, I didnt worked up the nerve to approach him. I guess it takes two of a kind to get things sparkle. Deep inside, I knew I wouldn't be the one to approach a complete stranger. i am no traveler material, i am just a typical girl loves nice holiday and vacation but never loneliness.

When Susan met Susan

I met another me last summer. Her name is the same as mine, Susan. And she told me that it means the lily of the valley. We are not exactly the replica of each other, well, she is much older than me, 20-30 years older perhaps. But our characters are similar in a way that it was pretty obvious to friends around us.

To start of with, we both played guitar; we both have strong character; we both like to plan things ahead and reflect afterwards; we both think that sometimes face to face confrontation is not the best way to solve a conflict; we both like the song “in Christ alone”; and the list goes on. She always tells me that she saw the younger she in me, a bit paranoid, a bit workaholic and a bit perfectionism. What she doesn’t know is that how I wish some times I can be more relaxed and more at ease like her. “It came with experience.” That’s what she said. Indeed, I found that her greatest treasure (apart from Jesus), perhaps is her exciting, ups and down life experience and life lessons.

I didn’t know her that long to be truth, its even less than 2 years. It all started when she realized that I need something to boost my commitment in the church. Back then, I was always in a rush. Rush in and out of the church, leaving no trace, and that’s the way I prefer it to be. No commitment, no deep relationship nor feelings. “I will leave UK in 1 and a half year time, its better to leave everything on surface”. Well at least that’s what I have thought, but not her. That’s why she asked me to play guitar along with her, so that I can blend in the church community more, so that I will have a sense of responsibility for this church as well. I guess her plan did works. I grew more and more attached to this church, and at the same time I learned some life lessons that I would never have learned if I continue to stay distantly in my own world, my comfort zone.

The day before I left UK, we have twice heart to heart talk in some nice cozy bistro. Time spells no difference to us because for me, that few hours felt like minutes. And until today, some of the words she said still linger in mind. I am not sure will I have any chance to see her again in future, but I am always thankful that our life intersects at certain point and moreover, i get to know another me who stays at the other side of the earth.

God bless you, Susan Kam.

Hotter and hot

In UK, everyone is making a big fuss over the global warming issue.

"this year summer is the hottest in the history!"
"what are we expecting? warmer summer and colder winter?"
"thats the warning sign from our mother earth. Cant you feel it?? are you some kind of cold blood reptiles?"

In Malaysia, no one gives a damn about the hot and nothing but the hot 32+ degrees days. No one, except me. Someone please beat me If i am the only one to realize the fact that not only those western countries (where all the environmentalists habitating), Malaysia's weather also experience the bizzare effect of Global warming. And tell you what, i am not even an environmentalist.

Is it the fact that because its already hot, hence people don't really feel the hotter than the hot? walking on the street makes me felt like i am gonna faint because of the heat stroke or hot flush or whatever that you called it. even my cartilage felt likes melting. I stopped using deodorant for a year an a half in UK but the moment i stepped down from the airplane, i started to sweat like a pig and moreover, stink.

Ok, i admit i dont really wanna debate on global warming issue. I just miss the UK's weather dearly. Wrapping myself in the duvet like a big fat swiss roll after my M&S morning job felt like heaven, not sweating for a year and a half is just pure enjoyement (trust me).

Some people says that UK's weather is unpredictable, you can get 4 seasons in just one day. i heard a similar saying but more hilarious one from my cab driver last time.
"UK weather is like women's mood"
hmmmmm......*quite agree*
"it changes every seconds"
-_-

yeah whatever, i just miss UK's unpredictable weather.

Day two: the city of wonders

Paris is the city of wonders. The historical buildings and tourist spots were simply magnificent and breathtaking. Once you have tasted the city and held a conversation with a native without using English, you will start to feel a bit cosmopolitan yourself. Honestly, I only knew how to speak two French words, “bonjour” which means hello and “mecy” which means thank you. Its quite amusing that the moment I use those local words to interact with Paris gentlemen, they suddenly turn into some cheeky and friendly bunch of people.

I still remember that on the second day, when I was on my way towards the metro station to go to city centre to start my wonderful discovery, there was this middle aged gentleman greeted me in French while sun bathing in the early morning sun. Honestly, I didn’t understand a single word he said, but I simply reply “bonjour”. He was so pleased with my response and continued to bombard me with more and more tongue twisting French words. I can only vaguely understand that he is one of the street artists who draws and sells portraits. It amazed me that in this side of city, far away from the hustle and bustle of the city, people still live as an artist to survive, still retain the colorful culture and the original artisticity scent of the early artists such as Vincent Van goh.

Notre-Dame looms large over the Isle de la Cité, and is the most enduring symbol of Paris. It wasn’t that big to be truth. If you are expecting something which is as magnificent and as mysterious as what in the Disney cartoon “the hunchback of Notre dame”, you will be in big disappointment. I always thought that the cathedral will at least have the height of the sky scrappers and a big mysterious bell tower. But when I looked from the outside, I simply can’t picture the story of Quasimodo, the fictional hunchback and the Notre dame together. Hence I decided not to pay extra to climb up the 387 step to the top of the towers to see the close-up views of the famous gargoyles, and the great bell that was rung by Quasimodo. Honestly, in my opinion, its not exaggerate to say that Liverpool Anglican cathedral is even bigger that that.

See what I mean?

But what really attracted my attention was the fact that the cathedral can be considered one of the of the world’s Gothic masterpieces, simply look at the sculptures on the wall, which consists of thousands of sculptures like gargoyles and the ‘be-headed’ angel. i felt shivers run through my spine with only a look at those statue, its like they are whispering some mysterious stories that I never knew.

After that, I continue my journey to the Pantheon, Apostle chapel which stores the statue of Jesus’s 12 disciples, Musee de Lourve which display many famous Egyptian, Greek, Roman and Asian antiquities, painting, drawings and sculpture. Please don’t even attempt to see it all in one day, cuz its impossible. The most famous one is none other than Da Vinci’s enigmatic Mona Lisa. One interesting fact about the paint is that it is protected by bullet proof glass within its own room and taking photos is strictly prohibited. It surprises me that the museum actually was designed by a Chinese architecture who borrowed the concept of the pyramid as it was clearly seen from the picture that the top of museum is in glass made pyramid shape, while the museum itself was underneath the main entrance of the pyramid.

Like Edinburgh, Paris is divided to half by a big river, called river Seine. There is cruise service along the river during daytime and night, which cost around 10 euro per trip. It wasn’t a pleasant experience if you are expecting something romantic and sensual. First of all, it is impossible to look cool and posh at the same time when you try to resist the great momentum of the wind threatens to blow you off the boat. Hence I prefer a slow walk along the river bank while have a great view on some Paris gentlemen walking in nice suit and some tourist leisurely taking photos. Walking along the river and you can see all the big attraction of the Paris, for example De Concorde, Eiffel tower, Triumph de arc etc.

Eiffel tower is just a normal Telecom-like tower at the daytime, if you know what I mean. But at night, it turns into such a magnificent view. The light at the top of the tower shone straightly to the sky, it feels like a tunnel which connects to heaven. The whole tower dances in the glimmering lights in the dark. It surprises me that the tower itself wasn’t that popular in its olf time. According to the history, it was built as a temporary structure to commenmorate the centenary of the French Revolution and was considered an eyesore by many. There were petition to have it pulled down and was only saved for it had become an important for telegraphy.

The tower is consists of 3 levels, whereby each level has their own restaurant and some souvenier shop. The highest of its 3 levels offers a wonderful panoramic view over Paris. As the height of the tower increase, the boarding fees also increases. The long queue of people waiting to go up the tower has made me given up the idea of enjoying the night view of the Paris city up from the high. However, according to other tourist, they said that the night view from Sacre coer was even more beautiful than from Eiffel tower.

Well this lead to my final day in paris, the unforgettable memory of the night at Sacre Coer.

One little glimpse of Paris

The outsider on the inside, that’s my feeling when I first set my feet on the RER train which took me from Paris Charles de Gauls airport to Gare du Node train station. On this side of the earth, people speak in different tongue; wear trendy clothes and perfect makeup even in the oldest and modest train which I ever ride before. I looked at myself, a thick un stylish children size (yes, I always buy children size clothes in England) coat with a pair of faded jeans with a lot of holes on it. I looked more hippies than I ever thought before when I standing beside those high heels, perfume smell, metropolitan Paris ladies. I guess there is nothing more humbling than living in a foreign culture because you will become the alien on the inside.

To be truth, traveling is no difference than a case study of human beings, how they habitating a common place initially but slowly adapting to develop a culture of their own. Traveling really makes me aware the fact that the world is small but how diverse it is as well. I guess the secret of the idiots guide to traveling is to always keep an open mind and learn from each encounter with every person.

Knowing how to read a map is the most important survival skill of a traveler. It was nearly 11pm when I reached Gare du Node station, it took me a while to know which direction that I should took to go to the hotel which I booked online before hand. The roads looked all the same and it’s definitely not as simple as what is drawn on the map. After 10 minutes walk, I have finally reached the Le Regent Monmartre two star hotel. At the price of 39 euro pernight, it was quite a small and decent room to be truth. Not so spacious, but it has a wonderful view from the small balcony. I can even see the famous Sacre Coer glowing in the dark.

Not wasting any precious time, I quickly unpack my stuff and heading to Moulin Rouge which was only 10-15 mins walk away from the hotel. Moulin Rouge is the most famous Cabaret in the world since 1889, thanks to its French Can can Dance. I am deadly excited about the place partly because I had watched the movie about the tragic and glamorous life of the can can dancer starring by none other than Nicole kidman and Ewan MacGregor for 5 times. I’m aware that the concept is still the same at Moulin rouge compared to 100 years ago as I looked at the massively big size posters pasted outside the theatre. The feathers, rhinestones and sequines, fabulous settings, original music and of course beautiful girls; but disappointingly, the price was exceptionally expensive as well. The French Cancan show plus a dinner cost around 140 pounds.

I took some pictures and walked leisurely around the area, that whole street was full of adult shops and amusement theatres, I think this is the red light area for Paris. Honestly, it was quite a cultural shock to me, feels like I’m in the Old Testament’s city of Sodomah or Ghemorah. I guess for them sex is just part of the culture.

That night, while I’m lying on the bed, thinking that I am actually in THE Paris. The whole realization just made my whole chest throbbing with excitement, even my eyelids refused to close up, hoping that the night will not end too soon. Around 2 am, my body had finally surrendered, i sighed with satisfaction before wandered into the dream land knowing that there will be another good day waiting for me tomorrow.