The beginning of headache

Am working on house renovation now, plan to engage with contractor by end of this month . Its so much more complicated than what i thought initially. In fact, i stayed up to 1am last night just to figure how the measurement works in the floor plan. This is the design which Peter and i came out.

Looks like my mom's kindergarten kid's drawing

Here come the savior, Ikea Home planning tool. Gosh, i love it! its so handy and convenient. It gave shapes and colors to what i've visualized in my mind. The disadvantage is that you can only use their fittings and furniture, but it still looks marvellous compare to my own drawing.

Ok, now i need to start to work on the rest of the house * Headache *

1 year before getting hitched

ok, further to my previous post.

* Susan, spill the bean! Spill it out!!! *

In case you are curious why am i suddenly talked about the love lesson and etc. Yes, Dorcas you are right. I am attending a Catholic Marriage Preparation Course (CMPC) now. Am i really that predictable?? Anyway, its a two hours a week lesson, pages of homework and many many couple and self discovery exercise.

Frankly, i don't have high hopes to learn something new about love from the classroom lesson, being in love for 5 years has taught me enough. It surprised me that there are couples who really caught off guard by the first lesson, (there are 8 of us, can you imagine that, everyone is eager to get married!!). The group was pretty diverse with some couples from arranged marriage and some are lovebird since high school. Most of us were pretty relaxed but there were awkward moments as some couple seems to be struggled to accept the 'new found' character of their other half.

For me, it was really too 'Classroom' if you know what i mean. Before starting the session, we were advised to give our undivided attention to each other so that we can gain insight into ourselves as individuals and as a couple, of course at the end of the day the objective was to deepen our readiness for married life. It was pretty odd that we were 'instructed' to sit one up (on the chair) and one down (on the floor) as a pair and being a gentlemen Peter had let me sit on the chair. However, the moment i sat down, my mind start to go into auto analysis mode, is this part of the psycology test to see whether who is more submissive? so you can imagine how stiff i am throughout the session.

When it comes to couple exercise (you know, guy and girl fills up his/her own personalities questionairs first, followed by partner's, and then compare the notes with each other), Peter and I listened to each other with open hearts and manage to finish up the session maybe in .... 5 mins? and talked nonsense for the next 25 mins. Its not that we are not serious about it but i think i am more comfortable to talk in depth with him when its not so structured and protocol based. Despite of trying hard to be serious and cool, we still managed to crack jokes in between. Honestly, this is nothing compare to our 'constructive debates' session k.

Overall it was ok, the truth is attending the course was a pre requisite for having wedding in catholic church. Hence it wont really change too much the way we treat (or 'love') each other unless both of us see the need. For me, others experience can never be the perfect mold to ensure successful couple ship, nevertherless if we manage to learn something new, it will be definitely an added bonus.

Ok, here comes the final bean which i've yet to spill out. i have said "yes, i will" (anyway that will be another story all together which i will write next time) and therefore i can no more calling myself single from now on, but engaged. yeah, yeah you heard me right.

So this will be our final year of being single before we get hitched, wish us good luck!

Love lesson 101

Went through alot of love lessons recently, its not purely learning from experience type, but more of classroom learning. I will write something on that soon. am sharing one of the lesson which confused me alot (but in a good way) here today.

Should couple pursue their separate interest? I think most of us will jump to say "Of course, why not???" Well, before you get all pumped up, my next question is "should couple pursue their separate interest to an extent that its more absorbing and fulfilling compare to their own relationship?"

Told you its a tough one.

When two person come together, we always talk about togetherness, sharing of life, and common interest. In the other words, the whole purpose of couple ship is to change the mindset from 'I' to 'we'. However, the desire for security, interest, even material and possession that can make us happy is constantly instilled in us. And the bad thing is, this is very much individualistic. You cant expect a guy to go window shopping with you, or a girl to play futsal together with you. Of course there is exception, but what i am saying is that there are things in our life which we just simply cant do together.

Do you find its frustrating that sometimes you cant share or connect to your partners when it comes to these interest which are very dear to you? As a consequence to that, do you felt distant towards each other? Is it wrong for us to pursue something which is greater than 'we'?

How do we measure our dedication to another person then? Some would say i would die for you but in reality i wont even spend an hour of my precious time watching your favorite show together with you. How ironic is that. No matter how much we want to become 'we', there are still very much of 'i' in everyone. And yes although we all like to say "You completes me" like the sweet Jerry Maguire, however, i believe there are many other voids in our life which can be only self fulfilled.

In short, although we are together , but we are very much single in approach to life. i know its an oxymoron, but how true it is.

ok, here comes my two cents.

Togetherness is a state of mind. Its about being reciprocally related. Its not just about the amount of time the two being physically together. Well, a couple can sit together the whole day watching show however if its out of obligation and the heart is not willing, there is nothing which you can called as togetherness here.

Of course we can have time for separate interest like futsal or girls hang outs, but call her up for dinner with your mates after futsal; Or ring him up to inform that you will be late and you miss him when you are out with girls. For me, togetherness means to fit our interest around our relationship and having each other in mind even when you are having the best of your time engaging in your personal interest.

Anyway, thats all for now. Look forward to more of my coming love lesson k.

Manga freak

我非常好奇陪伴我长大的漫画是否也是日本人所认同的，所以google了“最受欢迎漫画奖”... 结果出现的是小學館漫畫賞。小學館漫畫賞從1955創立到現在，逐漸豎立起權威的地位，一直都是日本漫畫界的年度盛事，賞金100萬日元. 100万耶！难怪日本人都超爱成为漫画家的。

以下是近20年的发表，我的战绩将标上。

[編輯] 第35回

少年向部門：なかいま強 《うっちゃれ五所瓦》
少女向部門：榛野奈奈惠 《PaPa told me》
一般向部門：浦澤直樹 《YAWARA!（以柔克剛）》

[編輯] 第36回

少年向部門：結城正美《機動警察》
少女向部門：細川知榮子 《尼羅河的女兒》〈另譯：王家的紋章〉 渡邊多惠子 《雙星有約》
一般向部門：六田登 《F 極速悍將》

[編輯] 第37回

少年向部門：藤田和日郎 《潮與虎》〈另譯：魔力小馬〉
少女向部門：藤田和子 《真コール！》 柴門文 《家族的餐桌》《愛情白皮書》
一般向部門：谷口次郎 《Feed the Dog 犬飼》

[編輯] 第38回

少年向部門：椎名高志 《GS美神極樂大作戰》
少女向部門：田村由美 《BASARA 婆娑羅》
一般向部門：新井英樹 《宮本先生》 一丸 《女將》

[編輯] 第39回

少年向部門：冨樫義博 《幽遊白書》 I love this!!!!! cant remember how many time i read the comic over and over again.
少女向部門：吉村明美 《薔薇之戀》
一般向部門：坂田信弘‧かざま鋭二 《風之大地》

[編輯] 第40回

少年向部門：井上雄彥 《灌籃高手》 who can ever forget the famous SLAM DUNK!!
少女向部門：羅川真里茂 《天才寶貝》
一般向部門：森秀樹 《墨攻》

[編輯] 第41回

少年向部門：滿田拓也 《棒球大聯盟》
少女向部門：神尾葉子 《流星花園》 yeah, i do read shoujo manga as well, and yes, i do like F4 in manga.
一般向部門：細野不二彥 《真相之眼》〈另譯：王牌鑑定人〉《KO太郎》 村上紀香 《龍》

[編輯] 第42回

少年向部門：曾田正人 《火線先鋒大吾》
少女向部門：齊藤千穗 《花音》
一般向部門：能條純一 《月下棋士》

[編輯] 第43回

少年向部門：森末慎二・菊田洋之 《奧運高手》 The one and only Gymnastic manga i've ever come across!
少女向部門：渡瀨悠宇 《夢幻天女》
一般向部門：小山由《あずみ》

[編輯] 第44回

少年向部門：皆川亮二 《ARMS神臂》
少女向部門：從缺
一般向部門：倉田吉味‧安部善太 《AJI-ICHIMON-ME》〈另譯：美味第一〉

[編輯] 第45回

少年向部門：河合克敏 《馳風！競艇王》 堀田由美‧小畑健 《棋魂》〈另譯：棋靈王〉
少女向部門：育江綾 《薔薇色的明天》
一般向部門：從缺

[編輯] 第46回

少年向部門：青山剛昌 《名偵探柯南》 西森博之 《魯莽天使》
少女向部門：篠原千繪 《闇河魅影》〈另譯：赤河戀影〉
一般向部門：浦澤直樹 《怪物 MONSTER》〈另譯：魔剎〉

[編輯] 第47回

少年向部門：高橋留美子 《犬夜叉》
少女向部門：清水玲子 《輝夜姬》 吉田秋生 《YASHA -夜叉-》
一般向部門：武論尊、池上遼一 《HEAT 灼熱》〈另譯：盜火線〉
審查委員特別賞：黑鐵弘 《赤兵衛》

[編輯] 第48回

少年向部門：雷句誠 《魔法少年賈修》 An old manga which i've just finished reading recently, love the story
少女向部門：渡邊多惠子, 《光之風》 矢澤愛 《NANA》 Nana the rocker rules!
一般向部門：浦澤直樹 《20世紀少年》

[編輯] 第49回

少年向部門：荒川弘 《鋼之鍊金術師》 橋口隆志 《烘焙王》
少女向部門：中原亞矢 《戀愛情結》who can resist the love story of a tall girl and a shorty!
一般向部門：山田貴敏 《孤島診療所》

[編輯] 第50回

少年向部門：久保帶人 《BLEACH 死神》
少女向部門：蘆原妃名子 《砂時計》 小畑友紀《我們的存在》 I cried while reading these two manga, by the way anyone have the last book of <我們的存在>?
一般向部門：永井明‧乃木坂太郎 《醫龍》

[編輯] 第51回

少年向部門：藤崎聖人 《野性之聲 Wild Life》
少女向部門：和泉兼好 《戀妹思春期》
一般向部門：安部讓二‧柿崎正澄 《少年犯之七人》/ 〈另譯：《少年犯罪檔案》〉

[編輯] 第52回

少年向部門：田邊伊衛郎《結界師》
少女向部門：田村由美《7SEEDS 幻海奇情》
一般向部門：井浦秀夫《流氓律師》另譯：垃圾律師

[編輯] 第53回

少年向部門：寺嶋裕二《鑽石王牌》
少女向部門：青木琴美《我的初戀》 *I read the other manga of hers "妹妹戀人", better check this out as well.
一般向部門：黒丸、夏原武《詐欺獵人》關家徹治《料理新鮮人》


[編輯] 第54回

少年向部門：安達充《Cross Game》
少女向部門：櫻小路鹿乃子《黑鳥戀人 ~ BLACK BIRD》
一般向部門：石塚真一《岳》


[編輯] 第55回

少年向部門：篠原健太《SKET DANCE》
少女向部門：岩本奈緒《天狗的女兒》
一般向部門：安部夜郎《深夜食堂》

There are so many other manga which i never heard before, better catch up soon.

This is what i called a hot guy

When words are not needed to tell a story, our faith in mankind is restored

Ramblings on being a girl

I think i have writer's block for the past few months. My new job scope has sucked out all the fun and inspiration in me. I felt like a 100 years old nanny with a brain which is so rusty and the body which is fatigue and lifeless.

It was only 2 months since I've accepted this new position with a new fancy title, however so far the reality tells me that it was a detrimental wrong decision. I didn't enjoy my work nor my time in the office anymore, ironically i used to hope for less customer meeting and more time to hide in my cubicles. And i hate every seconds of the 1 hour lecture or motivation or brain wash session (whatever you want to name it) which i have to endure everyday with my superior. i will do all the donkey things to shut my mind off during the session, whether its involuntarily tapping my feet, or drawing circles endlessly on my lap with my fingers, to an extent that i think my restless leg syndrome had reaching its height now. Like a fish out of the water, i felt like suffocating every time i walked out of his office and it took me maybe an hour of spiritual cleansing to rid off the worldly pressure which he cast upon my shoulder.

I dont understand why is it so hard to make him understand that i am a person who doesn't give a heck about career development and climbing corporate ladder. Job is just a means to support me financially so that i can do greater things in life. It doesn't matter to me that whether i am competent to become an entrepreneur or start my billion dollar company in future or not, and it certainly doesn't matter to me whether i need to put up 12 working hours per day in order to achieve that before 30s (like what he did). Of course money is good, as well as career and social recognition, but we dont live in a way as though our life is depend on it.

I miss my dear sir, in fact i felt lonely that i am one man department and there is no joy of co working, more over the companionship of someone who you can connect to not only at intellectual /operation level, but also emotionally. Its even more frustrating that the fact that i might felt lonely and helpless will never cross the mind of my other colleagues and my superior. Of course Susan can handle the task alone, she always do that wat... yeah right, Thanks for all the expectation.

Its funny that sometimes i felt sad that others always perceived me as capable and strong, and that it was taken for granted.

I remember that night when we had the farewell, in the midst of all the handshakes and 'take care', 'all the best' wishes, my dear sir told my colleagues and team members:

"Help me to look after Susan k?"

Its kinda funny that simple words like this can stimulates my tear glands almost effortlessly. In fact, he was the second person said this to me. Years ago, when my dear pal Henry came to visit me at Liverpool, he told the same thing to my girlfriends before he left. Of course, i was half teary as well. Those few words are always so rare and precious to me.

Its no secret that i am the type of girl who is independent and some might refer as 'the dominant type'. My dear sir used to tell me that i am a coconut (yeah right, you can start to laugh), with very tough shell, doesn't matter what sort of situation i'm in, I'll still survive. However, on the night of farewell, what he said was totally unexpected and contradicting. Its as though he had looked pass all my external hard shell, and saw the little girl in me. The girl who struggled to put on an ugly smile as she was trying hard to hold her tears back.

Being treated like a girl was never the rights reserved for only those who are more submissive or feminine type. It doesnt matter whether you are more competent in career or you are tougher and more manly compare to the average guys, deep inside, all the girls wished to be pampered like a princess.

So guys never ever forget that.

SYTYCD S6-Star struck

Jacob is officially my favorite now!

Jacob whooo?

Jacob Karr.

Doesnt ring a bell?

Jacob Karr from So you think you can dance Season 6.

he dance like he is flying, * knees weakened *

ok, maybe SYTYCD is not as famous as American Idol. But frankly, i wasnt particularly impressed or star struck by any of the American idol contestant this year. The only thing which i remember from the most recent episode of the American idol is that there was this Reuben look alike gent (see i cant even remember his name) who sang not bad and Lambert who sound exactly like Maroon 5. Impressed? not at all.

In contrast, SYTYCD is full of 'moments'! Moments that are so beautiful that i cant seem to stop to re play the same scene again and again! The hip hop piece on 'Whatcha say' (Imogen Heap and Jason Derulo) by Jacob and Ashleigh was phenomenal. I think i re watch the dance piece at least 3 times. And the contemporary piece" Your ex Lover is dead" Choreographed by Travis wall was so touching (watch it here)

One moment i was like : "Wow, look at his leg!", "awww, thats so beautiful!", next moment i had my hand on my chest letting out long sigh ......

Anyway, i think i sounded too much like a adrenaline pumping teenage now. Better pen off now.

on being changed

I was told i've been changed a lot by my ex housemate when i met her back during my CNY holiday stay in Kuching a few weeks back. It really prompt me to think, AM I????

She was with me during the 4 years of my college days and since i left for UK we rarely have chance to talk to each other, so there is a good 5 years of gap between us. The thing which triggered such remarks from her was the claim which i made about wanting to stay single for as long as possible and she was utterly surprised. Well, you need to understand that I used to tell everyone that i want to become a housewife since i am 5 years old.

I also told her that i am in the business line for 3 years now, but i used to sneer and disgust at the sight of businessman. Anyway, these were just some of the other many things which we talked about how different i am now compare to my oldself.

The thing is I was greatly amused by her reaction. Her eyes was widen with surprise when we talked about all these and when she finally accepted the truth, she told me "You have really changed".

It was really a complement to me actually, and you have to understand the fact that i'm not be the most pleasant person on earth to be with. Am not so much of an intuitive or a sporting person, once i like something i will like it forever, and same goes for the opposite. For example, I hate durian and thats the end of it cuz no one can convince me with "just try lah, you may like it". For me, i hate it means i hate it and therefore there is no room for compromising. If i like the person, doesnt matter whether he digs his nose in the public or dressing like a nerd and i will still say that he is doing it with style.

In another word, i am very stubborn, to an extent sometime it sounded as though i'm self centered. I like to state my point of view, and it doesnt matter others agree with me or not, people call it arguing your point through, i call it stand up for myself. Peter and i always like to do engage in such verbal exercise. If you think that i am argumentative, wait til you meet Peter the master. He is far more better in 'constructive debates' compare to me.

Apart from that, i am extremely analytical, i like to dissect things to its smallest details and i will re play the entire scenario again and again in my head until i figure it out 100% or i get mentally tired of it, its really like how Sean Kingston sing it "It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay -ay -ay...". I am extremely happy when i'm able to notice or making sense of certain details which others cant.

Anyway, back to the conversation i had with my housemate, the main point is she felt that i'm a changed person, and i am not so stubborn in my thoughts like i used to be. To be honest, i am confused more than anything. How did all these changes occurred anyway? Something happened to me in between the college girl me and the working lady me, and the thing is i didnt even realized it at all. I thought i've always know who i am, but it takes the third person's perspective to see the real me.

So, on the fifth day of chinese new year night, in front of my house porch, under the street light, sitting side by side with my friend, I'm completely struck by this re discovery of myself.

Although i have gained at least 5 kg for the past 5 years, however, on that particular night, i love the current me more than ever.