I (used to) have a dream

I had an enlightment talk with my colleague the other day, about having childhood dreams (those days we called it ambitions) and how they were never realized. Coincidentally, i read a post about the same topic during my random blog browsing a few days before. A girl who wanted to become a police woman but was laughed by others because she is overweight, ironically, she shed all her extra lipid but no longer crave for the same ambition.

Here comes my two cents.

Does it ever strike you that the childhood dreams was hardly the reality of your life? Even if its a yes, living the dream life isn't that earth-shattering exciting and spectacular like what we thought it was.

I have dreams, or maybe i should say i used to have dreams, in fact there are many of them. I used to dream on those rainy nights, sleepless nights, when i'm alone, sitting beside the window, waiting for the bus to come..... well, one good thing about dreaming is there is absolutely nothing you cant dream about, not even the sky is the limit.

I used to dream that one day i will sing and sing and sing for all my life. I thought that it was THE calling, the sole purpose of my life which i need to live up to no matter how much it cost me.

I used to dream the same as what Martin Luther king, Jr dreamed (1963, Lincoln Memorial)

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough place will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

It will be a day when there is no more inequality, violence, poverty, oppression. A sight of great magnificent that will awed me completely.

I used to dream of having a boyfriend who can sing like (or look like) Ewan Macgregor (blame it to Moulin Rouge), someone who can makes the butterflies in my stomach flapping wild and my knee goes weak. I used to dream of being a housewife who kiss and see the husband off to work every morning, and bear hug him in lovely apron with a hint of glorious chicken soup smell when he came back.

I used to dream... many many dreams
.... until reality of life strikes me hard on my face, and thats when i realized that i'm a grown up.

Dreams are wishful thinkings, a self deceived visual image in our mind which help us to get through the reality, thinking the best are yet to come.

Dreams is always perfect, but human are flawed. Circumstances changes how we think, how we connect with others... its about us taking different paths, wanting different things in different stage of our life. Sometimes, to pursue the dream itself is against what is best for us. What make us think that a child of 6 knows what life is about? is it really true that our childhood dream which we figured out with our yet-fully-developed pea sized brain is the direction and purpose of our life?

Of course i still sing, in traffic jam, showers, church, but it can never be my sole passion and purpose of my life; I'm still waiting for the world to change, a utopia which spells for impossible, but that doesnt stop me from living in the moments; i still believe in the one and only, but i know being loved by him always and all time surpass the need of being a homemaker who wears lacy apron.

Am not condemning those who are pursuing their dreams, in fact, there are some dream achievers among us. But we called them the odds, the outliers who falls outside the normal distribution of the bell's curve. Most of us are ordinary people described in John Legend's song, we dont know which way to go, but we can take it slow.

I used to dream, but now i hope. It's about looking forward to something that is real and truly of valuable to me. Something which i find is enough, while knowing there is better out there but its not meant for me.

And the trick of it is work hard, but let Life presents itself.