My blog and ....

Was thinking of giving my blog a brand new look for long, which includes replacing the blog title, the dull GUI etc. Actually, I am quite contented with the blogger's 'minimal black' blog template for long as it always gives a simplistic and clean feel. And there is nothing wrong with having "Atlantis-the lost world" as my title either. The only reason why i'm using it is because i have always used and perceived my blog as an escape route, where i can 'fart' and 'burp' out all of my personal feelings without any inhibition or scared of being labeled as having split personalities.

Over the years, i've never really shared the blog with close friends, and Atlantis has always been a lost world to them. And for myself, this blog remains as a utopia as i still crave for a world where there will be no more labeling of people, no more false expectation, but more acceptance and recognition. Anyway, since i am more contented and settled compared to 4-5 years back, being less emo-ish and not-so-lost, hence i am gonna change the title 'the lost world' to 'My World'!

(i know is not a big change....)

Anyway, i am thankful for all the transitions (not so much of transformation i think), thankful for the thorns of the roses, thankful for those youthful days that are full of ups and downs and emotional turmoils, as it all shaped me to the person i am today. Throughout these 4 years, i've learn to enjoy the friendship that Peter had lavishly and generously offered to me, satisfying all my need for a companion and a friend, and this had indirectly settled me down quite a bit.

However i am kinda worried as well, does that mean that i have lost the sensuality and the emotional capacity? am i slowly turning into a dull and boring person, who is easily contented with just a dog and his man?

Ironic...

唱歌

曾经好喜欢好喜欢唱歌, 真真切切,实实在在的唱歌. 我没有很深的音乐造诣,相对的,也没有会绊倒我的傲气,有的是一颗单纯去感觉的心,捕捉刹那间心灵的悸动,把它用音符记录下来.

还记得十七岁那年第一首为他写的歌名为“飞翔”. 写了之后也不觉得怎么好听, 然而偶然间与一个同窗好友分享后, 她将它化为一颗颗的豆芽弹奏起来 (不晓得她还记得吗? ;p), 突然整首歌便跳跃了起来, 唱得好尽兴. 发现原来不同的人对同样的一首歌,可以有完全不同的体会,不同的诠释. 好奇妙,音乐真的可以对人心说话.

于是便开始了写歌,有随心所欲的,有一气呵成的.就这样停停写写.这么多年,唯一的坚持只有所写的歌是要有故事的.曾经天真的以为一生是为要唱歌给他听. 然而一脚踏进这所谓社会人士的世界后,唱歌似乎已成为一个遥远的理想了, a wishful thinking.

我在工作上有一对对我很好的夫妻朋友,虽然他俩都是我的朋友,但因为工作的性质,我与他们的相处,交流也在不同的时间,不同的层面.从个别与他们的谈话中,发现他们的婚姻早已经破裂,唯一维系着他们的是他们的女儿.很惊讶,因为从任何角度来看,他们都不像会彼此伤害,已走到尽头的夫妻.还记得那晚听了是妻子的分享后,脑袋充满了绝望的词句,也不晓得一路是怎么驾车回来.跟Peter说了,但那份郁闷却还是搁在心头.那晚,我宣泄似的写了这首歌.

<绝望>

我在冰封的深海,找寻希望的缺口

我在孤单的深渊,找寻快乐的缺口

有时候看着自己的影子,也会令人窒息

有时候午夜夜深人静,也会令人惊醒

c/o: 所有的绝望, 总会留下一丝希望的线索

所有的感慨,总会留下身不由己的落寞

所有的遗憾,总会留下一处唯美的角落

所有的伤害,还是会期待明天的到来

难道所有的美好都有有效限期,

我在最深的绝望,遇见最真实的自己

Danny Gokey

DANNY GOKEY is in final 12 of American Idol season 8!

Gosh, he is so stunning when he sings, charming smile and heart melting voice, a killer combination! Anyway, peter hates the sight of him, saying that he has a face that is not trustable, and only naive gals will fall for that. As an act of protest, i am irritate and pissing him off by kareoke-ing his last performed song by Mariah Carey- Heroes all the time.

I am not sure whether or not the over publicized of the story of her deceased wife is a form of media exploitation in order to grab public attention as what other commented. For me, those are just some of the gimmicks that producers put on the show to make the show looks more humane or softer, rather than looking at the judges playing the tricks (Paula melodramatic act, simon's eyes rolling etc.) or the contestant whining all the time.

However when i read more on the net about the story of the foundation which he has set up in his wife Sophia's name, Sophia's Heart Foundation, i am indeed surprise. The foundation's goal is to unite people, organizations, and companies to reach out and touch the hearts of children from ages 0 through 18 in Milwaukee, and mainly for restoration in various areas of their lives.

Well, thats a good gesture and for a good course, i dont mind if he start to make American Idol as an 'advertisement' channel and publicizes more actively, well, they've made tons and tons of money through the show what.

Anyway, hope to see more of him in the later episodes.

My chat mate

Do you ever have this kind of feeling?

Its the first time you see the person, the environment settings was an old stage behind a grand hotel function room, which has nothing but a broken piano and wooden floor which quakes every time someone step on it. The whole scenery was monochromatic and there he is, standing underneath the bright and stunning stage light. He can barely be seen as his figure was masked by the radiant of light, but still you can see his fingers running impulsively on the out of tune piano keys, random notes filled the air.

Then, he turned and asked, with a cheeky smile. "Are you the singer?", at that very moment, i knew this person will plays a great role in my life.

(**It was proven to be true, he is my cupid, the one who led me to the love of my life)



He is my favourite guitairst of all time, Anthon. We met each other on my final year course night, where he and his band was playing for me and my girlfriend for the song which we sang together.
It was a great night, and our interaction does not end there. we started to sms, hang out, but mostly chatting, chatting and chatting (in digital way). He is the most cheeky and funny guy that i've ever met, never failed to surprise me with his out-of-nowhere humor. I was reading a blog which i wrote long time ago in 2006, which make me laughed until rolling on the bed. (why i miss kokkers so much!)

Gosh! those are the times! Sigh... I do miss those the endless nonscense chatting days.

The E-pal

I used to write a lot to my penpal those days when I’m still in college, it’s not really the literally ‘pen’ pal, but more towards ‘email’ pal or the so called e-pal. How wonderful is the fact that technology bring the world to your doorsteps. It still amazed me to these days that how people can connect so easily through this world wide web.

Have a pleasant surprise when i browsed through the old folders and found those emails which I’ve kept for more than 8 years in my laptop. I really have to admit that this whole e-pal thing really had taught me how simple friendship can be, and moreover, how I’ve found the joy in writing for first time in my life. Sometimes when I looking back, its just sad leaving how it was because I made a place in my heart for this sort of pure enjoyment and now that place is empty. That simple feeling of pouring out all you have in words, once the ‘sent’ button was clicked, the waiting and anticipation will start, and the hunger will only be satisfied when you see the person’s replies lying in your inbox. Finally the sheer pleasure when you felt that their words seemed so close to your heart, and that how can a person you never met before can spell out what you think in your mind so accurately but the person you spend 24 hours a day can never do so.

Dar and Fei were the first two e pals whom I have exchanged email with when I was early 19 or 20 maybe, To be truth I cant even remember how it all started, but one thing for sure, their words had soothed me countless time and accompanied through so many sleepless night. I still remember when I had my first crush and Fei, who is also a devoted Christian wrote to me this:

We all are like on a chess board waiting for our Lord to move his pieces.. that is why everything happen for a reason. At the end of the day, Our dear Lord will move all pieces as he pleases so that we will meet with the ultimate happiness, and in order to do so, much we have to go through......

ANyway the best r'ship one can have is with GOD… but of course we need to be satisfied in our own physical means.. so Dun be afraid to look for that person...in fact let him look for you!! Dun be afraid to try...its nothing wrong.. JUST DO NOT GET ATTACHED too much and NEVER CROSS CERTAIN BOUNDARIES.. otherwise ur free to explore!! TO someone is GREAT!!...but its not great when it ends...

Experience is one part in life where no books or teachers nor friends can give u....I for one have been through the worst…so all this petty stuff its like swapping a fly.. hehhehe (EGO)...but seriously Do everything to the best u can .... and leave it all to the LORD!!

~fei

The whole e pal craze went for 2-3 years and came to a standstill after I went to Liverpool. I guess I was too busy experiencing and exploring the new life by that time and they too have taken different direction of life and the chemistry just lost after that. I am not particular fretting over how the whole e pal relationship gotten cold over time as I do realized that people depart from relationships when circumstances changes, especially when these are no commitment relationships to begin with. However looking back, I do think of those email exchanging days pretty fondly and I am sure that ultimately one day there will be something which I can cherish and able to fill the place. Messenger chatting and blogging were my antidote for quite some time (in fact I’m still blogging, but very much lesser in passion and frequency comparing to those days), and that’s when I get to know Lyon and my favorite guitarist Anthon...

.....To be continue(the Chat-mate)

The aftermath

Chinese new year's aftermath.... tongue ulcers, felt like someone is poking my tongue with needles all the time.

The ulcers most probably resulted from my binge eating during the 1 week holiday in Kuching, no regrets though, thats the only time in a year whereby you felt less guilty for eating tons of junks like Bak gua, cheesecakes and lots and lots of cookies. Think about it, Maybe i shall take this opportunity to eat alot of ice cream today, alternative medicine, well justified.

Anyway, I shall refrain from any form of verbal communication today....