me with scott
The gift that he gave me-£20 waterstone voucher
me with craigeeee, thats what his mom called him, damn cute.
The thank you card he gave me, sweet and simple.
Life is great, isnt it?
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Final days with scott and Craig
Just ended both of my tuition with Craig and Scott last week, felt so touched and contented. i'm not boosting in saying that i felt proud of myself for able to acomplish my resposibility as a home tutor. Seeing them finishing their last examination and now heading towards Oxford and Liverpool University, i just felt so contented. Being a tutor to two 18 years old English boys was my greatest achievement for 2006, its even more meaningful than me getting a distinction for Msc. They are the best students that a teacher can ask for, and i'm trully flattered and thankful that God led me to meet all the nice people in UK.
me with scott
The gift that he gave me-£20 waterstone voucher
me with craigeeee, thats what his mom called him, damn cute.
The thank you card he gave me, sweet and simple.
Life is great, isnt it?
me with scott
The gift that he gave me-£20 waterstone voucher
me with craigeeee, thats what his mom called him, damn cute.
The thank you card he gave me, sweet and simple.
Life is great, isnt it?
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
homeless
House hunting now.
being shooed out by the landlord due to the fact that he morgaged the house. To be truth, i dunno whether this is a good news or a bad news, being kicked out when there is still 4 months left for my acedemic semester, yeah, homeless i am *sob*. However, when i think about the fact that finally i'm able to quit living in kensington, i am somewhat happy.
Kensington is a hell like place to live. The street is full of rubbish, youngsters loitering around, cursing you with lame chinese words they picked up from jacky chan movie, mother yelling outside the house to the children on the second floor... in fact, me and the gals get thrown by eggs last time, not sure whether it stinks or not cuz we fast enough to avoid it.
There was one incident happened a few weeks before in the kensington area which left a bitter scar deep down in my heart. It was 5 o clock in the morning, the street was chilling cold as the rain poured crazily, and i was waiting at the bustop hooded by only a poor umbrella when a girl came and approached me. she is around 17 or 18 and looks mentally retarded. she spoke to me with a language which sounded alien to me, and all i can see was the rain dripping from her messy red hair, and the bottle of alcohol hid in her coat pocket.
'They thrown me out of the house.'
she kept repeating that, with a sad tone as her tears fell down from her eyes.
i was stunned, too stone to think of any response, and when bus came, she followed silently behind me to board the bus. The bus driver was kind enough for not asking any bus fare from her. she continued to mumble and shaking badly, and my heart was in all mess, i dunno what to do at all.
when the bus reached city centre, i told her to stay on the bus, cuz it was still raining heavily and there will be no shop opened at 5 am. she looked at me with a blank expression and i really dunno whether she understood me or not. As i went down the bus, i have to bid back my tears threaten to fall, i hate myself for not able to do anything to help her but watching her went far and far away taken by the bus to the no destiny. Silently, in my heart, i prayed to The almighty to look after the small girl.
Living in such a distorted place makes me realized a hard and cold truth. its a cruel world.
being shooed out by the landlord due to the fact that he morgaged the house. To be truth, i dunno whether this is a good news or a bad news, being kicked out when there is still 4 months left for my acedemic semester, yeah, homeless i am *sob*. However, when i think about the fact that finally i'm able to quit living in kensington, i am somewhat happy.
Kensington is a hell like place to live. The street is full of rubbish, youngsters loitering around, cursing you with lame chinese words they picked up from jacky chan movie, mother yelling outside the house to the children on the second floor... in fact, me and the gals get thrown by eggs last time, not sure whether it stinks or not cuz we fast enough to avoid it.
There was one incident happened a few weeks before in the kensington area which left a bitter scar deep down in my heart. It was 5 o clock in the morning, the street was chilling cold as the rain poured crazily, and i was waiting at the bustop hooded by only a poor umbrella when a girl came and approached me. she is around 17 or 18 and looks mentally retarded. she spoke to me with a language which sounded alien to me, and all i can see was the rain dripping from her messy red hair, and the bottle of alcohol hid in her coat pocket.
'They thrown me out of the house.'
she kept repeating that, with a sad tone as her tears fell down from her eyes.
i was stunned, too stone to think of any response, and when bus came, she followed silently behind me to board the bus. The bus driver was kind enough for not asking any bus fare from her. she continued to mumble and shaking badly, and my heart was in all mess, i dunno what to do at all.
when the bus reached city centre, i told her to stay on the bus, cuz it was still raining heavily and there will be no shop opened at 5 am. she looked at me with a blank expression and i really dunno whether she understood me or not. As i went down the bus, i have to bid back my tears threaten to fall, i hate myself for not able to do anything to help her but watching her went far and far away taken by the bus to the no destiny. Silently, in my heart, i prayed to The almighty to look after the small girl.
Living in such a distorted place makes me realized a hard and cold truth. its a cruel world.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
My spiritual journey
Congrates CS for joining the body of christ!
Me and the girls went to witness CS baptism in Citychurch last Sunday, we supposed to send our blessing to her on her baptism but instead, we went back home with a heart felt so blessed. i was moved by the testimony of the 4 baby christians that get baptised along with CS that day. i can see the joyfulness that flickering in their eyes and the contagious smile radiance across the miles when they shared in front of the congression how jesus changed their lives. I felt very very honored, for witnessing a holy convenent being made, between the heavenly Father Himself and the people who willing to follow Him.
I never have an exact spiritual birthday like other christians. I did baptized, but with no self conscious nor free will, as i'm baptized at the age of 1. Baptism supposingly is a symbol of spiritual reborn and signify the starting of the christian journey. However those important stage remained missing from my christian life.
Speaking from my own experience, being raised in a christian family or being a life long christian is not a pure bliss as other people might have thought so. in fact it was full of struggling and self-denial. Since i was young, i knew that my life is not belong to myself, and its in The Almighty hand. It was christianity teaching and God's words which had shaped me to the person i am today. with the endless of christian must-do list and not-to-do list, i have ignored my own desires and my thoughts. there is no transformation, no changing of heart i experienced as i lived a perfect christian-like life for 18 years of my life.
I was hemmed in by 4 walls of church, i was very safe, however i still felt that i might fall over the edge. i have all sorts of thoughts scrambled in my minds during that time, what if we live in a flat world rather than a sphere world so that just the thing that seemed so far away were, in fact just on other side? what if on the other side of rules and regulation was possibilities, what if the other side of believe is naive? i felt that i would fall over the edge of the world easily, once i leave the protective wall of the church, and my family.
I never knew that it will screw myself that much until i saw the image of the distorted me shadowed on my closest person-my younger brother. Anxiety had churned him inside out and he suffered insomnia and strung nerve all the time. my heart was torn badly for him and until it came to an extent that i cant differentiate the fact that am i grieved for him or myself.
on that stage, the truth striked me hard on the face, who is God and what He has to do with my life? why am i live for someone that i claimed is my savior yet i never experienced his grace on me before? everyday i felt like losing myself as i was shaped into a perfect christian mold. And at that moment of time i went to attend a christian retreat camp, for a week i was isolated from the hustle and bustle of the city. I reflected on the past 18 years on my life and cried to the Lord to reveal himself to me as i'm in the verge of giving up.
The last day of the camp is the start of the my spiritual journey, I received the gift of holy spirit and was reborn. The love of God touched me so much and i was cried like a baby in front of the Reverent. Words can merely explained what i felt and even now i still felt speechless, stand in awe i am, everytime i'm in the midst of the presence of the Lord.
i didnt lose myself and my identity when i became a christian, in fact HE has found me and i was bestowed with another name beside Susan. the one full of blesses, which exactly what's my name-Susan means.
indeed, i'm blessed.
Me and the girls went to witness CS baptism in Citychurch last Sunday, we supposed to send our blessing to her on her baptism but instead, we went back home with a heart felt so blessed. i was moved by the testimony of the 4 baby christians that get baptised along with CS that day. i can see the joyfulness that flickering in their eyes and the contagious smile radiance across the miles when they shared in front of the congression how jesus changed their lives. I felt very very honored, for witnessing a holy convenent being made, between the heavenly Father Himself and the people who willing to follow Him.
I never have an exact spiritual birthday like other christians. I did baptized, but with no self conscious nor free will, as i'm baptized at the age of 1. Baptism supposingly is a symbol of spiritual reborn and signify the starting of the christian journey. However those important stage remained missing from my christian life.
Speaking from my own experience, being raised in a christian family or being a life long christian is not a pure bliss as other people might have thought so. in fact it was full of struggling and self-denial. Since i was young, i knew that my life is not belong to myself, and its in The Almighty hand. It was christianity teaching and God's words which had shaped me to the person i am today. with the endless of christian must-do list and not-to-do list, i have ignored my own desires and my thoughts. there is no transformation, no changing of heart i experienced as i lived a perfect christian-like life for 18 years of my life.
I was hemmed in by 4 walls of church, i was very safe, however i still felt that i might fall over the edge. i have all sorts of thoughts scrambled in my minds during that time, what if we live in a flat world rather than a sphere world so that just the thing that seemed so far away were, in fact just on other side? what if on the other side of rules and regulation was possibilities, what if the other side of believe is naive? i felt that i would fall over the edge of the world easily, once i leave the protective wall of the church, and my family.
I never knew that it will screw myself that much until i saw the image of the distorted me shadowed on my closest person-my younger brother. Anxiety had churned him inside out and he suffered insomnia and strung nerve all the time. my heart was torn badly for him and until it came to an extent that i cant differentiate the fact that am i grieved for him or myself.
on that stage, the truth striked me hard on the face, who is God and what He has to do with my life? why am i live for someone that i claimed is my savior yet i never experienced his grace on me before? everyday i felt like losing myself as i was shaped into a perfect christian mold. And at that moment of time i went to attend a christian retreat camp, for a week i was isolated from the hustle and bustle of the city. I reflected on the past 18 years on my life and cried to the Lord to reveal himself to me as i'm in the verge of giving up.
The last day of the camp is the start of the my spiritual journey, I received the gift of holy spirit and was reborn. The love of God touched me so much and i was cried like a baby in front of the Reverent. Words can merely explained what i felt and even now i still felt speechless, stand in awe i am, everytime i'm in the midst of the presence of the Lord.
i didnt lose myself and my identity when i became a christian, in fact HE has found me and i was bestowed with another name beside Susan. the one full of blesses, which exactly what's my name-Susan means.
indeed, i'm blessed.
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