It has been quite a while since the last time i'm writting in this blog, i realized that i've tendency to switch from my multiply blog to blogspot, and vice versa, and end up having my posts scattered here and there. However, one thing i love about blogging in blogspot is that i have more privacy as not many of my friends/mates knew the existence of this blog. As such i am free to write whatever i want, without much of 'censoring' or re-editing to cater to the liking of some people, who always ever ready to back stab me using the words which i've vented unintentionally out of frustration and anger during the heat of the moment.
Anyway, life has been progressing so much since the past one year that sometimes i felt like i've been consumed alive by its fast pace; its like being sucked into a black hole not knowing where am i and what awaits infront of me. Pieces of incidents flying passed through my eyes in such a speed that its likes watching broken sections of an incomplete movie. Although i am the main actress, however i find it hard to relate nor to comprehend it in a meaningful manner. The sense of purpose is not obvious as it used to be, and sometimes i cant even digest and reflect whether the actions which i have taken are trully edifying to my personal development or its just a waste of time.
To be truth, its scary. Being attached to so many responsibilities, financial commitment; to be given the right to makes informed decision in life; to be given a higher position to command others; to be expected to master in juggling with so many roles (christian, leader, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend etc.). ALL of these are new to me, its overwhelming (not in a positive context).
I am scared that i might lost the first love, the simple me who appreciates that life is beautiful, that i have so much to give and so much to experience more. And i miss myself who used to be able to connect to people in such an effortless and natural gesture; who used to sing her heart out and able to relate herself to a song easily; who used to have so many wild thoughts and brave to put it into actions; who used to be able to paint out a picture of myself in future with such a clear direction.
I know i need to slow down, not doing things to finish and rush to the next thing but to enjoy in doing it in the first place. I dont want to end up like a hamster running on a treadmill, racing frantically towards the time, knowing it will lead to nowhere, accept round and round.
I need to slow down....
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Denno Coil
I am a big fan of japanese anime. My days of anime addiction started from my Uni days, thanks to all my pirated anime supplier, owning a computer has totally change my world from reading 2D Manga to experiencing the euphoric pleasure of 3D digital world. Basically I spent a good half of my life on manga and anime. no denying.
Anyway, watched a great anime lately -Denno coil. Its a sci-fi story, but it was nicely integrated to the culture and life in Japanese society, it almost make me believe that this cyberworld portraited in the show really can came alive. IS THE FUTURE IS NOW? This question keep dwelling in my mind after i've finally finished the 26 episode anime. Its almost seems to be so natural that the digital wizardry and cyber gadgets (spectacles like computer) are a part of the Japanese kid's life. How much of wonders computer technology can do? i wonder. While some people simply rejecting the computers, the internet, and machines because they makes them look dumb; Another group of people become so obsessed and lose their identity as they eat, sleep, and shit together with their computer. Still, for the most part, everyone is clueless about these thing called computer and the virtual world.
Despite of its storyline and amazing plots, the reason which the anime fascinated me so much is that the show addressed some serious questions with respect to life, death, anger, afraid of being alone, of being hurt by those close to them, unwillingness to let go, war, God, love etc. through the eyes of children. Human interaction was shown at ground level, how it manifests itself at recognisable setting everyday. Sometimes, i just cant figure out how Japanese animators can relate these intense topics to be so close to Children heart. These was never shown in the classic American children cartoon such as 'Care bears', 'Thunder man' etc. which talks nothing but heroism and love.
It makes me wonder did i thought of those questions when i was in the age of Yuuko (at most 12 years old), i would say yes. I am scared of death when i was young, cuz the thought of seperating from my parents was unbearable. I wonder will God felt exhausted when there are so many people praying and requesting something from Him everyday. (side track: yes, when Yuuko acted as God to the cyber beings, she get sleepless night because of the tons of requests)
This makes me suddenly realized another truth, that these basic questions which we asked ourself since we are young are never answered even after 10-20 years. Maybe our life is a never ending cycle of trying to find out the answer to these questions.
Loves this verse from Mitsuo, the animator. "there will always be a distance between people, and even between things that seem within ones' reach. And that one must walk down a long, thin and winding road before they reach one's heart. There's tons of obstacles. It's in fact like the roads in towns of old" Quoted from Denno Coil
Anyway, back in the blogsphere. will update some of happening in my life soon. For the mean time, watch the anime if you have some time to kill and some tears to spare. come and copy from me.
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 | susanjade2 wrote on Sep 25, '08 often tho'......it's not just the distance between things & people in our reach. It may be that even when such things & people are in our reach.....it's never the way you think it is....and ask yourself...is this it?! |
| susanjade2 wrote on Sep 25, '08 yes I'm back on the multiply chasing around with what's going on in people's minds & interests at heart....courtesy of the local library internet.... |
| atlantisian wrote on Nov 7, '08 hahaha. pay you with BRJ Nasi Lemak then, come back and claim from me.... |
 | chinko wrote on Nov 10, '08 talk big only..everytime i go back, i wanna eat brj but never get to cos everytime got some other ppl wanna eat something else...the closest thing that i got was black pepper kenny rogers chicken with their crappy rice. :(( |
hahaha. pay you with BRJ Nasi Lemak then, come back and claim from me.... 
 | nightscamp wrote on Sep 29, '08 My sister is into Anime but I've never really gotten into that... I only ever liked Samurai X... :) Batusai the Slasher!! |
Friday, January 04, 2008
My Working Life after 4 months
This is the first time i've written such a boring post i guess, nothing on food, music, travel or PMS. I think i have lost my sensuality and sensibility since i am happily 'bercouple' for more than 2 years now. Personally i think, a person can only write heart achingly beautiful words when the person is either:
1. still in the sun-dont-shine-if-you-dont-smile 'madly in love' period, or
2. lonely and desperate for someone to love,or
3. just broke up with boyfriend/girlfriend,or
4. having a long distance relationship
Well, i am not in those categories anymore, which make me a fairly boring person (T.T). However, i've always wanted to write something which is related to my science background, but most of the time it came out to be quite.... BORING. anyway, i've decided to post it, so here come my boring post.
It has been 4 months since I've started to work and 7 months since i came back from UK. A lot of things had happened, but ironically, a lot of things actually didn't happened either. For instance, i am hopping to get a researcher post initially, but unfortunately (or luckily?!?) ended up in a post which i loathed and despised all my life- business development executive. To be truth until now, the word 'business' still reminds me of the salesman who used to knock on my door and hassle me persistently everyday, and the stereotypical business man who always carry business cards in their pocket (well, its kinda sounds like me now), so that they can 'networking' anytime and anywhere.
With all the misconception I've entered the so called business world. However, surprisingly it turns up to be quite interesting. I'm not sure whether it applies to all the industries or not, but for life sciences industry, business life is really challenging. Everyday is a challenging day for me as i have to speak different language with people of different level of professionalism such as government people, doctors and researchers. It requires much more than just fluent English and in depth science knowledge, i have to talk rocket sciences in a way which will not bore them but ignite their interest at the same time communicating the value proposition to them. I am not boasting when i say that part of my job is to 'educate' the 'conventional' researcher who sit comfortably in their office, where their world only revolves around publishing scientific paper. yes, of course its glorious to have your name printed on the journals. However, whats exactly is the value of the paper? so that other researchers can cite your work? what they don't see is that their research work of their blood and sweat can be more than just a academically recognition, it can be a useful application or a solution to a problem in real life which benefits the society and human well being in a bigger picture.
One thing which i have come to realization after 4 months of work, how irrelevant my master is when it comes to the real working environment.
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