house reno update

This is how our place looked like since renovation started.

My heart dropped when i first stepped in, it really looked like a run down place. Funny thing is the scenes from "Restaurant makeover" keep flashes through my mind. I can even imagine the contractors who looked and dressed exactly like Igor, swinging his big hammer smashing against the kitchen wall with an evil smile.

A few days later, Peter and I came back. at least the contractor clear up the piles a bit and it looks much more comforting now.

Anyway, will come back with more photos when the work progresses.

Sunday Night

I think my antisocial-ness is pretty much at its height nowadays. Other than occasionally went out with my colleagues and churchmates, most of the time i prefered to just hybernating in my comfort little room and enjoy the moments of solitude of my own.

At the age of 26, and soon to be 27, i have to say that my enthusiasm for outdoors activities and party hangouts had pretty much go downhill together with the rate of my metabolism. I cant remember when is the last time i've actually went for clubbing or party. Good food and great movies, yes, but shaking your body like adrenaline pumping teenage girl all night long, sorry am way too old for that.

Its not that i am really THAT old, but whenever i watched how silly and careless Carrie Bradshaw acted in the "Sex and the City", i cant helped but felt, does every woman really have to walk through the confused, wrecked and jaded road, being screwed left and right, fall in and out of good and bad relationship.... in order to gain THAT final ultimate happiness? And most of the time this ultimate happiness is nothing but a self realization of understanding thyself in a way thy never did before, and realizing the fact that thy shall not need another person to make thy happy.

I cant say that i understand myself 100%, but i am comfortable the way i am. And frankly, i think i am walking towards the direction of "understand thyself", swiftly and firmly. The only thing is my Modus Operandi may not involves so much of Carrie Bradshaw's way if you know what i'm saying. My road was kinda predictable, occasionally there are some diversions and pits stop but overall its pretty much boring i would say.

And most of the time, it involves alot of reading.

When i browsed through my collection of books for the past 3 years, i felt a sudden rush of satisfaction, for a moment, i really felt like one of those old man who keep a precious collection of old coins whereby occasionally they will take out those coins to polish and wipe until its shiny. And if you dare to ask him, he will tell you a story behind each and every pieces of those coins, and how does the coins relates to his own life.

In a way i felt the same about my collection of books.

When it comes to romance, i love Dorothy Koomson. All the girls in her stories are imperfect, but beautiful in their own way. Amber in "the chocolate run" is a choco-holic and a commitment phobe; Nova in "Goodnight Beautiful" willing to have a baby for the man who she can never have; Kam in "my best friend's girl" would do everything for her best friend including adopting the daughter of her betrayed fiance.

When it comes to philosophical, i love Jostein Gaader and Paulo Coelho. Jostein Gaarder is a Norwegian intellectual who often writes from the perspective of children, exploring their sense of wonder about the world. He often uses metafiction in his works, writing stories within stories. Peter loves "Sophies's world" (which i can never finish the book as its too philosophical), and i love "Through a Glass, darkly", cuz it taught me what death is all about and how an angel will come and prepare us to face the unspeakable fear when its knocking on the door.

I'll give Coelho a skip here, cuz i think i've said too much about his book which makes me sounds like some kind of cult addict.

And there are some others of my random collection such as those wacky disc world madness from Terry Pratchett; novels of simple english coupled with strong emotions from a China writer-Xiao Lu Guo; the great political-historical series of George Owell and etc.

All these books taught me something about myself, and at some point of reading, i can totally relate to what the author is trying to tell. This may sound funny, but sometimes its like a spiritual process of re discovering myself as i find that the words explain pieces of me in a perfectly crystal clear manner.

Hence, i guess its no surprise that on a Sunday night like this, while some are enjoying great drinks and happening parties outside. I am sitting on my bed, with a great book and a cup of hot chocolate milk, am 100% contended woman inside.

Fever

Down, down, down, down, down with viral fever.

I shall refrain myself from any further contact with the pig, or his Iranian colleague (although he entertained me with great magic tricks during those boring hours sitting in the exhibition booth). Its not so bad i guess cuz i really think that the elevated body temperature is a way of enhancing body defense mechanism. Do you know that when someone has a fever, the body raises the normal temperature above 37.8 degree Celsius in order to kill the bacteria and viruses in the body? Well, its the same for my case except its not bacteria or viruses i'm talking about here. My body is detoxifying the contamination of bad aura resulted from staying too long with the pig. Hence its good that actually i am having a fever now.

Ok, its the fever which is talking, not me.

The pig

Someone said really really rude words to me, and somehow the whole episode made me felt very sick, literally.

Am not a racist or a sexist person, however when it comes to combination of Bangladeshi and male chauvinist pig, you will be surprise how sexist and racist i can be. Anyway, the pig shouted many many F words which nearly blasted my phone to pieces. And because of his incapability, i have to talk to the head of security and head of organizer of the international conference in order to let him in to do his work, 5 mins before conference starts.

If you claim yourself as a CEO, please acts like one! I know am nothing but an insignificant product manager, but if this is my project, i would expect team members to respect the time lines which was agreed upon, and i dont give a heck if you are from another company, if my company is paying you RM150k to get the work done, you better respect me as the representative of your client company, regardless the fact that i am woman, who your culture labeled as second class people.

It still amazed me that in today's society of this age, there are still some people out there who really think that girls are innately inferior than the guys. They are putting the woman down with disrespectful and foul language, at their whims and fancies just to show that they are superior. I do understand that we are all product of the culture and religion of yesterday's. However, if education cannot teach a person about simple lesson of basic respect for each other, regardless of gender, then i have to say that knowledge is nothing but a waste for the person.

So Mr. pig, take this as a friendly advice, this is how a Malaysian woman think and work, if you are thinking of running a business long term in this country, you gotta start to learn to treat woman as a person, who is equally worthy as you are. So, think twice before the words of insults leave the filthy mouth of yours next time.

Love lesson 102: Skin deep

I was reading "Switch Girl" (a manga) recently and i find the story was kinda amusing.

Its about the story of this girl who is the perfect glamor girl when she is outside in the public, perfect eye liner, wavy hair, great outfit... the type of girl who makes the guys turn their heads to stare, not once but twice.

However, beauty is only skin deep. In reality, she is also the most unkempt, sloppy, loathsome, unsightly girl when she is at home. Hideous baggy and washout underwear, ugly pajamas, gherkins (and any other smelly things) obsession etc., get the picture?

Well, of course this sort of thing doesn't happened so dramatically in real life, however we cant deny the fact that nowadays people tends to hide their true self underneath all sort of artificial pretentious, such as makeup, grand certificates, big cars, even pleasant or lovable characters.

Its understandable why some people choose to be in that way, come on, who doesnt want others to look at us with admiring (or even with a hint of jealousy lol) eyes? Its does feel good when you know you have strike the first impression well and that other people thought that you are SOMEthing.

I remember the first year of our coupling life, Peter was the perfect man alive on the planet, the only foul word he said was something like "basket" (which was not even close to profanity), and today he swears like a bull and everytime he press the hon while driving, i scare that he might break a hole through my sterring wheel. Well, am no good either, he will list up a whole list of why Susan now is not the Susan before if you asked him.

Am i troubled by the fact that we are all artificial in many ways? the answer is no, as long as it doesnt become the barrier to know who our love ones truly are.

I have to agree, beauty and flawlessness are misleading at times. It doesn't matter if you are a female or a male, to harbor the wish of continue to see our love one to be beautiful at all times in a way is a selfish act. It is easy to be distracted by appearances as we are being fooled into thinking he/she is better only at skin deep level, and in missing something even better than what physically excites us.

Vanity is deceitful, because visuals distract us from what truly matters. Do we really want someone to love us for the pretentious that we wear skin deep?

For me, love involves a process which started with romance (you are the most beautiful girl on earth), dis-illusion (dont throw your used mask here! can you make up faster or not!), rediscovering (Thanks for being so generous with my mom), and finally the true joy (yes, i want to wake up to know you will lying by my side everyday).

Book Review: Brida

I finished reading "Brida" by Coelho at 2am last night. Its about the story of a girl named Brida who went on a quest to search for her destiny, of becoming a witch. And along the journey, she realized her soul mate wasnt the person she falls in love with .... well, read the book if you want to know the rest of the story. Frankly, I wont say its a fabulous book because i've expected so much more from the international bestseller author. Overall, its a joy to read the book but it didn't send me to the land of ponder and bewilderment like his other books did.

I love the way Paulo wrote his book, how each of the story started, progressed and ended in whole dedication to bring out one particular message. In The Alchemist, the message was about living out one's destiny-"when you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true"; In "The fifth mountain", Paulo wrote the sequel message whereby to live out one's destiny, it never just submit, but continue to choose, cuz therein lies his strength: the power of his decisions.

'He who makes no choice is dead in the eyes of the Lord'

How true it is.

Anyway, back to the book. Though Brida is not as resplendent with its messages as some of his classics, i can gather a few points but couldnt make up my decision on which is THE message that Paulo wants to bring out:

1. Everyone possess spiritual gift (1st Cor: 12) which we need to recognize.

2. Love isnt about being possessive. The fact is love is an entity which cannot be possessed. Like a flower which Magnus gives to Brida when he decided to let her go, it's most beautiful when it is blooming in a field.

'Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon.'

3. Finding one important thing in life does not mean giving up all other important things.

4. Everyone is in the journey of searching of our soul mates. Only soul mate is able to of teaching us what we need to know.

5. Spoken words are the bridges between visible and invisible, in another words the act of speaking out what is in our thoughts is an act of manifesting what is virtual to real.

Anyway, if you like to try out some of Paulo's books before deciding whether are you susceptible to provocative thinkings, you can download the e book from http://paulocoelhoblog.com/pirate-coelho/

Enjoy reading!

Romantic love

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany quite sometimes ago. Believe it or not, that was the first time i saw this iconic movie which portraits America film industry in 20th century. It was surprisingly refreshing. Without all the 21st century modern movie's dazzling special effects and ridiculously unhuman action scenes, the characters stood out even more, the conversation, the music, the simple setting of New York streets, even the oversized cigarette holder brings a hint of mesmeric charm.

Peter told me this after i watched the movie, "You do know Holly Golightly is a high class prostitute in the movie right?" Of course i know, but the thing is Hepburn's portrayal of Holly Golightly as an eccentric gold digger is mesmerizing and spellbinding. The way she was so determined and excited about fishing the 'gold turtle' (a.k.a 金龟婿) is simply.... cute and cheeky. In fact when she choose love over money in the final scene when she run after Paul Varjak in the rain was goosebumply romantic.

I think its no secret that woman simply cant resist being romanced. Its inside our gene. Of course i have to admit that the bombardments of hollywood movies and romance novel also play a role in shaping our perceptions and views towards the defintion of 'romantic'. Think about "Jerry Meguire", "the notebook", "Moulin Rouge" or "titanic", seriously, which woman never fantasize and wishing that they can take the place of the main actress in those movies. I dont think the XX species has much of sanity or rationality left when romance come to the picture.

i was reading the last book of the twilight series- Breaking dawn the other day, although Bella still ticking me off in many ways, but i began to register her feelings (still not to the point of acceptance though) on why she is wiling to lose her life in order to pursue her love, instead of living a mundane life, grow old and die just because thats the fact of life.

Its simply because we girls cant resist the power of romantic love.

Imagine a vampire and werewolf fall for you at the same time, i had to admit that.... yes it does sound romantic.

Sometimes when i talk to the girls with regards to what type of guys make them felt romantic, it always amazed me how we gals think alike. So here come my conclusion, girls dont really like those guys who think they are too smart when it comes to sweet talks or pulling romantic tricks, you know... candle light dinner, dozen of roses dah dah dah... We like smart but dumb guys.

yes, its an oxymoron, but its 100% true. We love smart guys, who knows how to appreciate good movies and good books, someone who you can have intelligent conversation with. However, its even cooler if the guy is a bit dumb..... at the right time.

Lets look at 2 simple scenario, if a guy cooking a meal for a girl:

Scenario 1. The guy is a master in french cooking, he cooks perfect Pot au feu and Foie Gras without a sweat. After the first bite, he ask the girl hows the food tasted with such a confident and maybe a hint of proudness in his eyes.

Scenario 2. The guy know nuts about cooking, but he make an attempt to buy a recipe books, cooks maybe the lousiest fish fillet that the girl ever tasted. After the first bite, he ask her how the food tasted while his face showing a mixed (or even tortured, lol) expression of nervous and eagerness.

Which guys makes the girl felt romanced? I think you know the answer well.

We girls need not to have a guy who act smart at all time. Sometimes, its adorable when the guy willing to do more for the girl even when he know he may not be good enough. Although he may look dumb during that moment of time, but the fact that they are putting more effort in order to impress the girl makes her felt appreciated and special.

Ever wonder why some nerdy have the hottest babe in town in their arms? ;)