The Transient Life

Here comes another emo post.

I remember some times ago, i was sitting alone in a park, on this chair beside this huge tree which was heavily blossomed with broadleaves and intertwining twigs. The trunk was buttressed at the base with these rounded swellings which some people refer it as burls but it always appeal as some sort of tumors to me. It was breezy but i can somehow smelled the rain is coming, maybe it was the fact that the moisture in the air felt damp against my cheeks.

It was a late afternoon, The road was unexceptionally quiet for a saturday afternoon like this. It reminds me of the summer feeling of being in UK during those rare sunny days. I was half sunbathing while waiting for my colleague in front of his apartment. Under the shades of the humongous tree, i was listening to the smooth, eccentric voice of Jason Mraz telling me: lalalala... life is wonderful, lalala... life goes full circle.

With the trees, the sun rays, the still in the air, the lazy afternoon, the colors, the smell and the sound filling all my senses, for a split moment there, i really thought that life is wonderful. Or in another words, with my congested senses, my mind had tricked me into believing that life is wonderful.

Of course, life can be wonderful and contented, but i don't really want to be in a false delusion that good things in life come easy either. Yes, we can enjoy the breeze, the smell and everything that life offers to us, with gratitude and great optimistics. However, i don't want my senses and rationality to be masked by these 'blessings', and ignoring the fact that life is complicated and whether we like it or not, we still need to work hard in order to gain happiness.

I am not a pessimist person nor i am an optimistic person. Sometimes when i'm having the best time in my life, there is always a voice at the back of my head warn me that the happiness is fleeting and i shouldn't indulge too much in it. Its like the forces of the pendulum of a swing. The more forceful it sway to one side, you will felt the equal forces when it sway to the opposite side. The happier i felt this moment, the lower i may fall the next moment when the unexpected hit me.

I had finally started to read Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" after much coaxing from my peers and fighting with my own resentment and resistant. I remembered watching the "New Moon" movie and end up having the biggest regret of my whole life- for allowing myself to sit through 1 and half hours watching a mundane life and rampant immaturity of a teen girl. My friends promised me that the book will change my view all together and thats why i've decided to give it a try.

I had went through 300 pages so far and i had to admit that it did changed 50% of my view. However, i still think that Bella is an overly naive teen girl who says things like "I would rather die than stay away from you" way too easy. I would like to think that love is bigger than life, but from another perspective, life is not about love all the time. I received an email from my friend last week, telling me that two of my ex-college mates passed away lately because of road accidents, at young age of 27. I cannot helped but felt sorry for them that they never had the chance of going through marriage, having family and kids, building their home and growing old like normal ones. If you compare this, the reality of life to Bella, the suicidal adrenaline junkie who engages in as much frivolous risk just to maintain the perversion of the ill fated Romeo and Juliet saga, you will think twice before you went gogo-gaga when you hear something like "i can't live in a world you do not exist".

It makes me ponder, to an extent that my head pains. How come it's so hard for me to accept that life can be wonderful and transient at the same time? How come i have so much of angst in me when someone claimed that he/she would die for love? Can i wish for a wonderful simplistic life like what Jason Mraz sang? i do hope that life can go easy on me, because obviously i have no answer for this.