On being 26 years old lady

A little while ago i wrote a post on the past 5 years of my life. Well, a stroke of similar thought hit me again this morning which send me to deep ponder.

"What will be life look like in 5 years time?"

I'm not young anymore to be honest. Of course if you ask an 35 years old lady, she will tell you to F** off, what is 26 compare to 35? But again a 16 years old will tell you that you smell like ancient. Its all about relativity. However i think my friends can pretty much echo with me in this since we have all reached our 1st quarter life.

Gone are the days when my heart is still young, i can partying all day and night (not that i've ever really done that) and live like there is no tomorrow. At the age of 26, tomorrow means my muscle started to loose its elasticity, my bones is marching towards porosis, even my cells started to degenerate every second while i'm typing now. What i really wanted to say is that its perfectly normal for a 26 years old lady to start to think about how will she be like in at the age of 30 years old. Is there is something to look forward to? will she eagerly anticipates the days to come?

Actually it wasn't particular hard to come out with the answer for the question. First of all, you just need to ask your inner child to remind you the 30-years-old-me who you've always dream to be. As a child i had 2 goals in my life, and it never change though my innocence waved me good bye and eons years had passed by.

The goals are:
1. Sing, sing and sing.... for all my life
2. Be a housewife

I did sort of think I’d like to be a lecturer. However that never came close (Except for a few interviews and lousy salary offer) and while I could make it happen now, I just don’t have the inclination to. In contrast, my passion for music never left a single moment of my life. Although am not doing much and i'm light years away from being a singer, but to consider what’s next is kind of a foreign concept to me.

I was brought up in the church and basically was in choir since the age of 5. I sang both saprano and alto, occasionally tenor when we dont have enough guys in the choir. And that has sort of build up my interest and foundation in music appreciation. At the age of 15, a music conductor came to my church on one of the sunday service, and it was a coincidence that i was the song leader on that day service. After the service, he approached me and tell me something which i will never forget in my whole life.

"You will live to use the voice".

And i felt like receiving a holy enlightment and the sky before me was open wide. You can imagined something equivalent orgasm or Buddha attained his Godly wisdom under the bodhi tree. Anyway you get what i mean.

The truth is, I was never an intuitive person, probably the most conventional person with the rationality of 50 years old trapped in the body of a 15 years old young girl. i brought a set of religious teaching and hardcore rationalities everywhere with me, to an extent it deprived me from experiencing a lot of possibilities in my life. However, there have been a few times in my life that i just knew something, it may not even be something that i trully wanted, but i know its a moment of significance in my life. If i were to shed the conservative me and boldly went full force to pursue after the call, it might changed the whole course of my life.

I did, for a good 8 years. i picked up guitar, became a song leader, did some backup singing and recording for some well known christian singers. But my road didn't went that far as what i've anticipated. when i stepped into the corporate world with the title senior business development executive, reality kicked in and the passion slowly subsided, i was brought back to ground zero. But there are times i wonder, if i didnt diverted from my dream path or stop the outcome of this amazing intuition, where will I find myself in?

Anyway, enough of the blast from the past and back to the question.

I would like to see myself singing happily (again) at the age of 30. Not the blast-the-stereo-and-sing-like-a-mad-fella-during-traffic-jam kind of singing, but more of lyrics writing, choir singing or even taking up some music lessons. Maybe one thing i should do to kick start is to song lead again.

phew... thats quite a long post i wrote. That happens when my fingers run faster than my mind thinks. Anyway, guess i need another time to write the second part of the dream of this old lady.

Till next time then.