turbulence

its nearly dawn.
my mind is in turbulent state.
i wonder where all my insecurity come from.
i dont mean to be melodramatic, but the thoughts of my love one will leave me someday made my chest aches considerably. and the next thing i know, my cheeks wets.

"I have the sense to recognise, that I don't know how to let you go." Sarah McLachlan.

i am no saint.
i dont have the unconditional love that can tolerates love without able to tell you "i love you".

am i sound paranoid? it doesnt matter.

what matters is i love you and i will never let you go.

blogging about marriege

Summer is the wedding season, everyone is getting married. Dorcas, Bull's bro, anthon's bro... i think its something to do with the biological rhythm, the cyclical nature of biological phenomena, whereby mating and breeding season is entrained to the zeitgaber. maybe there is a linkage between the pheromone secretion and season changes, i wonder.

Never cross my mind the possiblities of me getting married in early twenties like my best friend Dorcas did. marry a man and having my own family is something that will only happened in light years away. well, that was what i assumed. But lately, to my surprise, the thought of marriege keep popping up my mind whenever i start to day dreaming during Prof Alan's lecture. what the heck! this is definately mind poisoning. but mind you, thinking not necessary means craving. i'm just curious of what it is like being waking up beside my love one, cooking dinner for him and kissing him goodbye before he leaves for work.

if i can have a glimsp of my future life as wifey, i just wanna know will i be happily ever after? Its good when you have something that worth to wait for.

damn, my mind drifted so far again. this is dangerous. have to stop wrting about this. Before me sign off, just wanna congrates John and Jenny who tie the knot today. God bless you two with ever lasting love.

insignificant entry

i seldom read the foward email actually, for me its just some junks that eat your storage, most of the time i just delete it without bother to have a look.... BUt today, i did discover something meaningful from those foward email, small surprise did come in the most unexpected time. Its a simple yet thoughtful comics about a typical girl's life. which remind me of myself.

what a simple life all of us lived, sometime its 'not-adventurous' and so typical that u might think its meaningless to carry on living such a monotonous life. But yet what i came to realized is, there are so much life lessons we can learn from all these simple and routine stuff that we went through everyday.



Me tend to appreciate more the life in UK now. partly because i knew all these sucky feelings that i had now in this foreign land will never serve any harm to me, unless i let the feelings control and conquer my rationality. Everyone feels sucks now and then, its nothing abnormal with that, sometime i just subconsciously manipulate and enlarge the negative feelings under microscopic lense and let it prevails me.

Why mourning for myself for having bad days in UK when i'm not even really 'live' it. in fact the days i had in UK will be very memorable if did try to live the best of it. Ironically i can picture myself one day in twenty years later, when i look back all these, i might just shrug, laugh at myself and say: 'all these sucky things i faced twenty years ago when i was in UK were really petty and insignificant, so simple like swapping a fly!'

When a kettle boils, steam whistles through the spout.
When we reach the threshold of what we can cope with we complain.
This means we need to increase our capacity in that area.
Complaining is the language of victims.
We complain when we feel we have no control over negative circumstances.

True survivals don't complain,
they give thanks and see the upside.
To the positive mindset solutions appear.
The negative complaining mind fails to see any way through.

'In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.'1 Thess 5:18- 19


focus on what i have, and go. simple as that.



p/s: To kokkers, Gambate o! enjoy and do your best in the DOTA competition!