Love and Death

Sometimes i asked myself, if one day my life being taken away, abruptly without any warning or signs at all, then HOW???

It's like "now you see me, now you dont".

In case you are wondering, its not my hormone that is talking. I am just acknowledging the fact that i'm human, which means my life is beyond my control and there is nothing i can do to secure my own life in this earth. In fact, some says that the only certainty in life is death. How true it is.

Its funny that most of the time we are under the illusion that we are super human, we can do wonders as long as we think we can (Malaysians are especially good at this, we think everything "boleh"!), we can even fight the fate and work out our own destiny.

yeah, right... wait till you experience the death of your close ones. I've attended two funerals last month, and i lost one distant cousin and a very dear uncle of mine last year. For me, the message was loud and clear, that death can be knocking on anyone's door, anytime.

Back to my question, so How? How? Howwww???

I'm not really petrified over the issue of facing death, in fact the question doesn't concern me that much. In religious context, dying means falling into a deep sleep, which can be pretty peaceful (of course the scarier thing is to face the Heavenly Father, with empty hands). Anyway, what i'm trying to say is that when we leave the world, we leave behind the good, the bad, the burdens, the earthly blessing, the enemies, the love ones, in another words, the world is of no concern to us anymore.

So, the question of "How" is actually directed to my close ones, my love ones. If one day i leave you suddenly, then HOW? Will you be sad? Will you miss me? Will you hold tightly to our memories to an extent of unable to move on?

Apart of me wanted to say dont cry for me, you deserve to enjoy your life to the fullest, your happiness meant much more to me than your tears; but ironically, another part of me wanted so badly that you will never forget me, i want a piece of me living in your heart forever.

I remember a conversation i had with my friend quite some times ago, she refused to put her husband name as the trustee of their daughter's inheritance in her will because when she asked him will he re married if she passed away one day, the husband said ... he dont know, in another words, maybe yes. On hearing this, she was greatly grieved.

Frankly, i knew her husband much longer and closer compare to this girl friend of mine. He is a man of honesty and integrity, and i know he loves his wife and family but he also speak the truth according to his heart. In fact, I'm agreed with the husband's answer, its valid and honest, but as a woman, i do understand the way she felt, especially the deepskin sadness over the reality of the truth.

Does death really do us part?

I remembered reading Manglish's post which talks about love in a very brutal way:

I still cannot grasp the concept of love. What is love, really? People are putting so much emphasis in love these days. I am very much inclined to think that love is a mental disorder. But so far, it has not been categorized under one of those three lettered disorders like ADD or OCD. Soon, maybe? under LUV? Look at things people do when they fall in love; once a friend who recently fell in love wrote, "Love is about giving all that you have and demand nothing in return." This sounded more like a donation than love to me. I believe people are selfish in love. You fall in love with someone because this particular person, in his or her own special, fulfills you in a certain way that only you know how.~Manglish

If love is not unconditional, if one day i'm no more there to fulfill or completes you, then HOW?

Something to ponder indeed.

Happy chinese new year

Greetings from the land of cats! err.. or is it hornbill? ;)

Anyway, i went back to Kuching, my hometown last Saturday for the Chinese New Year Holiday. It has been nearly one year since the last time i went back home, so you can imagine how excited i am.

For me, its not as simply as going back to the place i grew up, but more of reuniting with my family members in this festive season to celebrate the Chinese tradition. To be frank, i am the least 'chinese' among my family members. i'm no good when it comes to chinese cooking, i dont understand much of chinese literature and history, i dont gamble or play mah jong and i dont really wear new clothes during CNY ;). Moreover, my family have left behind most of the conventional chinese culture and superstitious such as no floor sweeping during 1st day of CNY, ancestor worshiping etc.

However, i had always cherish the chinese value of CNY, especially the teaching with regards to the family value: '孝敬' (obedience to Parent) and '团圆' (reunion). Coming back home for CNY eve dinner and giving ang pow are the must have during CNY. I was raised in a modest family and my parents never really spoiled their children with too much of unnecessary luxurious celebration during CNY. For us, reunion dinner is a must but not too much. There is no overflowing food on the dinning table, we dont gorge or drink gluttonously. However, we enjoy eating, chatting, and most importantly each other's companionship during the dinner.

Another highlights of CNY is fireworks, but frankly the only fire crakers i've ever played before was pop pop. I think it needs no introduction as most of Malaysian children grew up with the sound. In fact, the 'pop pop' sound was one of my fondest childhood memories.

Although my family dont really play fireworks anymore, we do enjoy watching fireworks together. Fireworks in Kuching during CNY is one hell of a sight to see, it was a non stop 30 mins indulgence of massive lightning and glaring colors.

Thats all from now, happy Chinese new year!! i'll be back to blogsphere soon.

* munching bak gua *

great dinner with great companion

Am extremely busy for the past 2 weeks, a business trip to Penang, conference and showcase at MIMOS, rushing for project phase end review and internal audits, attended funerals during the weekend.

... but I'm getting my routine back slowly * phew *

i had at least 3 pending posts waiting for some final touch up before upload. So as usual, here come the fillers to fill in the void during my absence. Anyway, I will let the pictures to do the talking.

1. Pre birthday celebration for Wei Ning at Porto Romano, Amp Walk.

If you are an Italian food lover and you have never visited Porto Romano before, please do go ahead and try it out, its highly recommended. I must give credit to the interior design and the ambiance of the restaurant, it was warm, with nice candle light and old books stack up at the side of shelf. There are many old movie posters and advertisement hanging on the wall, like "Gone with the wind", "Godfather", "breakfast at Tiffany" etc. It was a sheer pleasure to just standing there admiring those nostalgic posters.

The girls with the movie posters behind

Squid salad and seafood pasta


Cabonara and cakes


thin Crust pizza


Tiramisu in the cup and mud chocolate (from secret recipe)

The food was very good as well, we've ordered a squid salad, Porto Romano special seafood pasta, Cabonara, two pizzas (Hawaiian) and Tiramisu. The pasta were so flavourful and cooked to perfection. Unlike Pizza hut or Domino's pizza, the pizza are made of the non bready crust, which was thin and very crunchy. a true representation of what italian exquisite pizza should be.

Overall, it was very pleasant, we enjoyed the candid camera session and great companionship with each other.

2. Couple gathering (except kim of course) at Kim's new place

Kim is one of the most fussy person that I've ever met when it comes to aesthetic value of the food and table decoration. Thanks to the red table clothes and nice cutlery set, It almost felt a Christmas dinner in UK.

We were served with salmon, beef, lamb, mushroom cream pasta, garlic bread, pumkin soup and colorful salad. (By the way, the salad spork is just nice to see, but not practical at all)

We had great time together chatting and playing with his ogawa massaging chair

3. Revisiting Delicious and cone pizza

Peter and I re visited Delicious and Cone Pizza, i think we will never get bored of dine in there.

Mud chocolate cake and the delicious signature burger

Peter's eggplant pasta and the happy man himself

Aglio E Olio and Arrabiata from Cone Pizza, yummmmmmy.....

Anyway, thats all for now.

His departure

My sincere condolence to Sister Cassy and Raymond's family for the lost.

Although i've never met Raymond before, my heart saddened so much by his departure. Rest assured this is not an end, but a departure, of which he had left this earthy tent (our physical body) for a building which is made by God Himself.

2nd Cor 5:1 “Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."

Drowned in tear of sadness

Utterly speechless, that was my first reaction when i saw the email from company CEO the moment i opened up my M. outlook this morning.

Dear Friends,

Greetings! I am hosting a lunch for our Ex-VP for Business Development, Dr. XX to show our appreciation to him! The lunch is as follows:

Time: 1pm.
Place: Fatty Crab Restaurant
Tissue Paper: Facial Grade, Bring Yourself (this applies specifically to Susan who has served loyally under Dr. XX, so you can wipe your tears of sadness! Susan may also need the tissue paper in future, as she will serve under me! Tears of sadness!)

From CEO

Sigh, i'm already missing my dear sir.