On being Adult

I was rushing in and out of the office for the past few days trying to sort out the accommodation/flight bookings for for my family Christmas holiday trip to Langkawi, as well as their 2 days stay in KL right after the trip. Well, lets just say it this way, its not as easy as log into www.airasia.com, click, click, click, key in your credit card number, click to confirm and wala ... DONE!

Its complicated, headachingly complicated.

My parents are traveling on government servants subsidized holiday package (yes, there are such entitlement for government servants, bet you dont know that!), and there are many terms and condition into it. One of the most difficult term is that there is strictly NO flying with Airasia! (see, not EVERYONE CAN FLY with airasia). On top of that, it was a last minute decision and most of the holiday resort/hotels in Langkawi and around Bukit Bintang area were fully booked, not to mention the rates were sky high since its peak season.

not EVERYONE CAN FLY with airasia

The thing is the Langkawi trip was decided last minute, but the idea of having a family Christmas trip was conceived, lets say ONE YEAR ago. Due to my dad indecisiveness, i'm only able to start the planning and booking a week ago. To make it worse, during that week, my dad was determined to crash my phone (and my sanity) by bombarding me with calls 24-7 to check on the status.

As the result of that, my mood wasnt that pleasant the whole of last week (ok, BAD is the word), when i phone-chit chating with my sister about it, she was laughing her head off as she knows my dad is capable of pussyfooting around when it comes to money spending decision.

It was then a million dollar question crossed my mind: Am i expecting too much from my dad?

Of course i know well that my dad tends to hesitate endlessly before he finally makes a last minute decision. In fact it's already a norm in my family that situation like this happens, whether its buying a new house or a new car, my dad will do his routine of pacing around up and down, in and out before he finally decide. Most of the time, we all felt those consequences, and yes, we grumble, complain, slam doors to vent the frustration, but still, we go through the situation together as a family.

Its funny that we see our parents as someone who is bigger than ourselves as they are the one we always look up to. As we growing up inch by inch over the years, the parent figure was engraved so deeply in our heart to an extent that we perceived them as Giant who SHOULD and WILL always know more and better than us.

When i was young, i keep thinking that one day when i'm finally an adult, i shall be mature enough to have my own child, and i'll be able to take good care of them, just like my mom. So i spent my teenage days counting fingers, waiting for the moment of transformation to come. In short, i was under the illusion that one day there will be an enlightment in a form of sudden ray of thunder or lightnings which able to make this ugly caterpillar to spread her wings and fly.

But the truth is THE MOMENT never comes. In fact, there is no clear demarcation or delinearation which says that you are now an adult and no more child. At the age of 26, when i'm doing all the things an adult does, working, paying loans and bills, buying cars.... it finally occured to me that there is no such thing call "adult thinking" or "adult Modus Operandi" for a person to function as an adult, and there is no one specific changing point whereby things suddenly fall into its place and life become easy.

Of course i'm getting 'wiser' over the years of learning and experience, but when it comes to taking up new responsibilities and to say that i'm my own woman, it doesnt matter whether its 16 or 26, there will still be fears and struggles inside of me. If being adult means keeping ourselves healthy, being financially independent, servicing my car regularly... well, that is no big deal. But if being adult means to become like my mother, who is the epitome of patience momly figure, thats spells I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E. In fact at my current age, my mom had already conceived her first child. And i asked myself, if i am in my mom's shoes, will i be able to raise up my sister to the woman she is today?

I dont think there is a need for me to repeat the word.

Its indeed a lesson i've learnt today, to never forget that my parents are human being too. There are times when they dont know, and they are capable of feeling hurt just like us.

And a note to myself, being an adult means doing things which i should do and may not be really prepared to do. But its fine as long as i'm taking responsability for my actions, and moreover my life. yes, it’s frightening but am sure its exciting as well.