Life isn't a bed of red roses, that is the only lesson which I’ve consistently learnt throughout the years. Living in this materialistic world where people struggling to earn more than everyone else is a sad sad truth that even myself couldnt seemed to run away from it.
I have a long long talk with Buu a few nights before, pouring all my heart out to him without holding back. Being together for 3 and half years now makes our bond strengthened like it was never before, we accept the strengths and the weaknesses in each other, i feel totally at ease when i am with him, i can see myself become a part of his family, i can see us sharing a life together, raising our kids and even to the extent of grow old together.
However, despite of all the good things that we achieved, i still questioned myself, and to him:
Did we bring out the best of each other? Have i become a better person for him throughout these years?
I wished I can firmly say yes without any hesitation. However it came quite clear to me, especially when my career start to build up in a steady pace, that material world seems to occupy most of my time and effort until the point that other things which supposed to be in higher priority in my life such as relationship, friendship, quality times etc. have become secondary to me. We lose our temper more easily nowadays, our topic is always dwells around work, friends, even politics but not much on personal thoughts and feelings. However, one thing which came clearest to me is that we did not spend time doing what we like to do anymore.
Why did i fail to pour out my thoughts freely like i used to be?
Why did you stop to pursue your interest in photography?
Why did we stop backpack traveling and exploring new places?......
Job was never the goal my life, it’s supposed to be the source of income which support me to do other more important things in my life. However, i am working my ass off everyday until i am too tired for other things. Asset is never my treasure in this world, however, having monthly commitments on car loans, insurance, mutual funds has made me poorer than I’ve never been before. I have no desire to pursue a managerial role or in the position of commanding and demanding, but now i am forced to do so cuz if not i will be eaten alive by the people who plays politics in the company.
Life aint easy, and i am feeling that i am losing something important here.
Should i just go easy with my conscience?
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