under one roof

i'm constantly thinking what is the value of friendship.
the question strikes me now and then especially when i felt disappreciated by my friends. It intrigues me and confuse me at the same time as i get different answers from different people at different period of time.

I learnt from the kokkers that friends are great companions for great moments. I learnt from my churchmates that friends are peoples with the same enthusiasm and zest to serve God and able to support each other spiritually. I learnt from my college friends that friends will parted sooner or later, just appreciate every moment that we shared together.

However, what did i learnt from my housemates? the bitter part of the friendship? The friends i'd screwed up with were all the people who i lived with under one roof. i guess its all true for the chinese saying '相处容易，同住难'.

when the conflict was first happened with my first housemates,
'i'm a lousy housemates', thats what i felt, devastation.
hence, i changed, i transformed, i tried with great effort to mend back the broken relationship, even if it means that i have to bid back own my tears, hide my weariness under my happy go lucky mask, i have no regrets. In the end, the relationship survived. however, time is not always the best elixer. There is a pain in my heart which can never be healed even as the time passed by. Cuz i know that she can never accept me for the way i am.

when the second conflicts came, i had already moved out of the roof, yet still, the critisms and harsh words poured like crazy on me. i never recalled being hurt so badly before and all i asked from him was to have mercy on me.

the third time is a typical gender war, i guess men are really from Mars and women are from jupiters. From tiny winny matters like not doing households, cookings, washing toilets, intoleratable desibles of sounds to intense issues such as trust among friendship, the whole house is in chaos. However this time, i asked for no mercy, i wont feel guilty nor going to mourn for days thinking that i am always the wrong one, and i will not felt pathetic for the fact that friends come and friends go.

i give up, just let it be.