Love your job?

It has been a shitty day today. I'm feeling sick, agitated, and all i wanna do is to shout "f* off" at everyone's face. I wished i can be mean and maybe more aggressive at times, so that people will get the message that i mean what i say and i say what i mean.

As much as i want to say its my hormone that is talking, its not. The dissatisfaction i had with regards to my job has been slowly mounting inside of me as the days goes by, and now it had reached sky high. And funny thing is when i have a conversation with HR manager this morning, she actually encouraged me to step out when the time is right.

However if i were to dissect out the emotional part of me, i have to admit that behind all the angst, i am actually feared that it will not make a difference even if i were to step out. Wherever i go, whichever companies i'm in, there will be the same issues (politics, corruptions, job dissatisfaction, lousy boss) exist, and then people gonna start to tell me, "you know what Susan, the problem is not about the company, its just the reality of life."

That will be one sad truth. People work their whole life, feeling shitty and grumpy, but they cant do anything about it because that's life.

My friends asked me whats my interest, maybe that's the answer for my ideal career. I like music, reading, but is it lucrative enough to support me financially if i turn that into career? The truth is no, nor i have the talent to become a professional musician or book critics. Some said that doing what you love is a bliss, one true career bliss. But is it really true? Or are we hypnotize ourselves into believing that our job sucks because we dont like what we are doing.

Maybe its fine that i don't have to love my job; maybe work as a means to make ends meet is just as legitimate as working to feed the inner passion; maybe its ok to admit that i'm working for the money (not that money is my goal of life, but i'm doing that because i need money to pay loans, to support expenses, to do the things i really like); maybe i need not to be thrilled with what i'm doing at all.

I felt as though i'm compromising and lower down my own expectation by thinking in this way. Is that another yardstick to define myself getting old and losing innocence?

But having said all these, i think i've got nothing to lose if i want to leave my current job. Will i love and enjoy my new job? well it doesn't matter, it really doesn't.