Embracing a Clean Slate

I was away from blogging routine for quite some time now but not without reasons. Many things occurred lately, some are petty; some are crucial and potentially life changing. And I do felt the immense urge to share, however I have to bit my tongue after some second thought, nowadays internet has become the most convenient space for people to dig for information. I definitely dont want others to use my own words  against me in future.    

If I were to sum up what I felt for the past 2 weeks with a single sentence, This will be the right one. 

"Don't waste your time with explanations, People only hear what they want to hear." Paulo Coelho 

I find that too many effort and time has been vested and wasted in this action called "giving explanation". Whether its through writing emails or speaking through phone or direct face-to-face meeting, people demand some sort of explanation when things went wrong, which in the past I would gladly comply. Many times, I would offer long and detailed explanation, as scientifically and logically as possible. However, one thing which I came to realized is that, no matter how good your explanation is, people only hear what they want to hear.

The realization bugged me for many days and nights, I'm mourning for my stupidity for being the subject of convenient blame, but at the same time, I'm determined, to hold myself back and to explain no more. The next thing come to me is that, I need a clean slate, which does not require begging others to listen to my explanation. 

Anyway, only time can tells whether the slate is truly 'clean'. The good thing about a new year is that whatever happens in the past now is in the rear view mirror. I know nearly a month had passed since the starting of the new year and although I'm still in the shit cleaning state at the moment, but I'm really looking forward to a year with a clean slate whereby there are fresh new opportunities for me to improve myself and my current life.

This year I'm marching into 30s', but I believe that the best has yet to come. 

Yeah, better days are coming.

New year

2013 had started, yesterday in fact. 

For some reason, I feel like I'm still somehow lagging behind when the rest of the world has marched into the new year.I didn't had the moment of epiphany now that I'm finally 30 (by birth year not birth day); 1/1/2013 didn't felt any difference from any other normal day; heck, I still couldn't get used to the "2013" whenever I pen down the date. 

That being said, it doesn't mean that we didn't had a good day on the 1st day of 2013. My family and I went for a good lunch at La Risata, followed by watching The Hobbit yesterday. La Rista's squid ink pasta was superb, and the Hobbit makes me wanna re-watch The Lord of Ring series all over again.

Picture taken from here. CAPELLINI AL NERO CON FRUTTI DI MARE (RM35). Angel hair pasta with prawn, squid & roasted cherry tomatoes in a squid ink sauce

For some, new year celebration can be all about partying and letting themselves loose, but starting a new year on a right foot takes more than just great food and movie. A clean slate I would call it. Like what Pi said in The Life of Pi, “It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.” So when the world is still basking in the new year celebration, I had my share of quiet time with my close friends to reflect and ponder. 

We talked about how 2012 was for each of us, our gratitude, our gain, our insufficiency, our lost, our fear but mostly our prayer for the new year. It was quite awkward at first, everyone seemed to be reluctant to break the ice. Then, the first one spoke, followed by the second, third, and without even knowing it, the conversation flowed effortlessly, we talked and talked, laughed and cried, one after another, without any cue at all. And then we started to pray. The prayer went on for a long long time, in fact it was the longest that I've ever remembered. When the sound of fireworks came from afar, we were still deep in prayer, and no one realized the fact that we've missed the new year countdown ritual.

In a way I'm really glad that we had that night. Not rushing into new year resolution, but to reflect and encourage one another. And I know it takes a lot of gut to look into whats beneath the layers and layers of pretentious we clothed, everyday in and out. But I knew for sure when we are honest about ourselves in front of others, it brought some form of closure and freedom.

Have a blessed year ahead.