Embracing a Clean Slate

I was away from blogging routine for quite some time now but not without reasons. Many things occurred lately, some are petty; some are crucial and potentially life changing. And I do felt the immense urge to share, however I have to bit my tongue after some second thought, nowadays internet has become the most convenient space for people to dig for information. I definitely dont want others to use my own words  against me in future.    

If I were to sum up what I felt for the past 2 weeks with a single sentence, This will be the right one. 

"Don't waste your time with explanations, People only hear what they want to hear." Paulo Coelho 

I find that too many effort and time has been vested and wasted in this action called "giving explanation". Whether its through writing emails or speaking through phone or direct face-to-face meeting, people demand some sort of explanation when things went wrong, which in the past I would gladly comply. Many times, I would offer long and detailed explanation, as scientifically and logically as possible. However, one thing which I came to realized is that, no matter how good your explanation is, people only hear what they want to hear.

The realization bugged me for many days and nights, I'm mourning for my stupidity for being the subject of convenient blame, but at the same time, I'm determined, to hold myself back and to explain no more. The next thing come to me is that, I need a clean slate, which does not require begging others to listen to my explanation. 

Anyway, only time can tells whether the slate is truly 'clean'. The good thing about a new year is that whatever happens in the past now is in the rear view mirror. I know nearly a month had passed since the starting of the new year and although I'm still in the shit cleaning state at the moment, but I'm really looking forward to a year with a clean slate whereby there are fresh new opportunities for me to improve myself and my current life.

This year I'm marching into 30s', but I believe that the best has yet to come. 

Yeah, better days are coming.

New year

2013 had started, yesterday in fact. 

For some reason, I feel like I'm still somehow lagging behind when the rest of the world has marched into the new year.I didn't had the moment of epiphany now that I'm finally 30 (by birth year not birth day); 1/1/2013 didn't felt any difference from any other normal day; heck, I still couldn't get used to the "2013" whenever I pen down the date. 

That being said, it doesn't mean that we didn't had a good day on the 1st day of 2013. My family and I went for a good lunch at La Risata, followed by watching The Hobbit yesterday. La Rista's squid ink pasta was superb, and the Hobbit makes me wanna re-watch The Lord of Ring series all over again.

Picture taken from here. CAPELLINI AL NERO CON FRUTTI DI MARE (RM35). Angel hair pasta with prawn, squid & roasted cherry tomatoes in a squid ink sauce

For some, new year celebration can be all about partying and letting themselves loose, but starting a new year on a right foot takes more than just great food and movie. A clean slate I would call it. Like what Pi said in The Life of Pi, “It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.” So when the world is still basking in the new year celebration, I had my share of quiet time with my close friends to reflect and ponder. 

We talked about how 2012 was for each of us, our gratitude, our gain, our insufficiency, our lost, our fear but mostly our prayer for the new year. It was quite awkward at first, everyone seemed to be reluctant to break the ice. Then, the first one spoke, followed by the second, third, and without even knowing it, the conversation flowed effortlessly, we talked and talked, laughed and cried, one after another, without any cue at all. And then we started to pray. The prayer went on for a long long time, in fact it was the longest that I've ever remembered. When the sound of fireworks came from afar, we were still deep in prayer, and no one realized the fact that we've missed the new year countdown ritual.

In a way I'm really glad that we had that night. Not rushing into new year resolution, but to reflect and encourage one another. And I know it takes a lot of gut to look into whats beneath the layers and layers of pretentious we clothed, everyday in and out. But I knew for sure when we are honest about ourselves in front of others, it brought some form of closure and freedom.

Have a blessed year ahead. 

And she said yes

Last weekend was all about wedding, and I thought that I'm too old to be a "Ji Mui". Boy I was right. Experiencing the whole process again after a year (since my very own wedding) was as tiring as I can remember.    

The bride was one of my girl friends whom I've known the longest (mind you I don't have that many), 11 years to be exact. We were neighbors since our college days, and I used to "tumpang" (as my fellow Malaysian would say) at her small little room during my KL-UK trip those days. And boy oh boy, time really flies. It seems like just yesterday when her current husband then not-yet-boyfriend was still courting her. It stirred up alot of emotions in me seeing her said yes and finally became his wife after 7 years of courtship.

Back to my point, I am really too old for this thing called wedding. I stayed overnight at her place the night before wedding, and supposed to wake up at 630am the next morning. I couldnt sleep the whole night for some reason, woke up with puffy eyes and started the whole drill of getting ready -  make up artist / photographer / videographer came - prepare the tea for tea ceremony - lots and lots of photography session - leave the place to go to groom's place - another tea ceremony - more photography session etc. By the time the whole procession end, it was 1.30 pm, and I have to quickly rush back home, had a small nap and then went for the wedding dinner reception. By the time I reached home last night (or early morning) at 12 something, I was totally flat, but thank God I'm excused from the "playing games with the grooms and  groomsman session, if not the damage would have been even greater.

So the conclusion is, wedding is tiring! Don't get me wrong, I am really happy for my friend and felt honored to be able to be of some help to her, but seriously, after went through the whole bride thingy myself and being a 2 times bridesmaid and a 2 times Ji mui/ wedding coordinator, I think I would like to "retire" from this whole wedding "business" if I can. While I had stayed simple with mine, it always baffled me every time I heard about the sophisticated plan for weddings and the amount of moolah couples willing to spend for a single day. With that being said, its not my wedding, and its a matter of personal choices. So as long as they are happy, i'm also happy for them. BUT then, I am so glad that Peter is on the same page with me when it comes to these things. ;)

Anyway, my heart goes to the newly wed couple and I hope they will enjoy the companionship of each other in a deeper way in the days ahead.