Open for visit

i am getting older... that's a fact which i can no longer deny.
Being 25 is not as sweet as the days when we used to be forever 18.
At the age of mid 20s, another day passed by reminds you that you are marching a step closer to the middle age group, a.k.a the aunties group.

i am not sure why such a thought came to me suddenly, but i guess having that kind of thought itself proved that i am getting older.
It amused me to think back those youthful days...
Wondering how to look more mature, having dreams of being an independent career women living in a nice cozy apartment where the sun will shine in every morning from the balcony...

Sigh... those Uni days felt like eons away!

Enough of the reminiscence on those innocent days!
ANYWAY, I had moved into a new household, a sister household.
Both me and my new housemate- Samantha have high expectations towards the new household.
We have always crave to have a closer relationship among the sisters.
And its seems like impossible at one time as we are geographically distanced from each other (and spiritually distanced as well?).
And that leads to the born of the idea of having a sister household.
However, I have to admit that it took me great courage to decide to step out from my comfort zone and that small room in Wangsa Maju.
i can still remember the disbelief look of both Jv and Ky when they step into my room.
Compare to our big room in Albany or Kensington, the room is like a store room by UK standard. hahaha...

Well, the small room has always been my refuge for the past 1++ year.
I am a person who enjoy the solitude,
enjoy being undisturbed and remain happily in my cocoon
some people might called it weird or introvert
However i am contented the way that is ~emotionally isolated.

ANYWAY, the point is to move out from that little world where i can freely do whatever i want (watch anime whole night, recording my own voice while playing guitar throughout the night etc.)without having to connect much to outer world i.e. my ex housemates (dont know them that close anyway, since we are all working adults with different circles of friends) is not an easy step.
I've told myself, if i decided to step out, then there will be a set of expectations from other people and myself.
Will i be able to give up so much of freedom which i have?
Can i stay isolated when i am expected to open my doors wide?

A lot of uncertainties there is.
However, i do felt that this is a right thing to do.
i dont have much time to give before i'm entering into the so called 'not-single-and-available' life.
why not taking the chance to enjoy the sisterhood when i still can.
I do miss those time when ky,jv and me live under one roof.
There is a lot of arguments, but alot of laughters as well.
The sweet and memorable time which we shared together are much valuable than anything else....

Anyway, life got so many things to offer
i will be be fool to not enjoy it to the fullest
C’eist la vie

最後一面

A song for the earth, written and sang by a couple contestants from the famous Taiwan superstar singing competition. What i like about the song is that there is another side of story apart from just the 'love the earth' awareness message, a very mystical love story. These is the author's own words from his blog....

古代有一個浪漫的故事
說著地跟天原本就是戀人
海卻在中間介入他們的情感
海的情緒洶湧常常跟地相爭與天的關係

And looking at the lyrics again...

看海跟天的曖昧 淹沒了這個世界 無力改變
從未融化的冰點 模糊大地的邊緣

我愛你怎麼會太晚才發現
曾經我們擁有美好的夏天
時間不會再給我多一次機會
向這片藍天說抱歉

what a sensual way to describe the issue of global warming, the melting of the iceberg and increment of the sea level. I really love their passion and spirit in song composing and singing. Hopefully she will win this long race and become the 3rd Taiwan Superstar.

Restless

Life isn't a bed of red roses, that is the only lesson which I’ve consistently learnt throughout the years. Living in this materialistic world where people struggling to earn more than everyone else is a sad sad truth that even myself couldnt seemed to run away from it.

I have a long long talk with Buu a few nights before, pouring all my heart out to him without holding back. Being together for 3 and half years now makes our bond strengthened like it was never before, we accept the strengths and the weaknesses in each other, i feel totally at ease when i am with him, i can see myself become a part of his family, i can see us sharing a life together, raising our kids and even to the extent of grow old together.

However, despite of all the good things that we achieved, i still questioned myself, and to him:

Did we bring out the best of each other? Have i become a better person for him throughout these years?

I wished I can firmly say yes without any hesitation. However it came quite clear to me, especially when my career start to build up in a steady pace, that material world seems to occupy most of my time and effort until the point that other things which supposed to be in higher priority in my life such as relationship, friendship, quality times etc. have become secondary to me. We lose our temper more easily nowadays, our topic is always dwells around work, friends, even politics but not much on personal thoughts and feelings. However, one thing which came clearest to me is that we did not spend time doing what we like to do anymore.

Why did I stop to play guitar nowadays?

Why did i fail to pour out my thoughts freely like i used to be?

Why did you stop to pursue your interest in photography?

Why did we stop backpack traveling and exploring new places?

......

Job was never the goal my life, it’s supposed to be the source of income which support me to do other more important things in my life. However, i am working my ass off everyday until i am too tired for other things. Asset is never my treasure in this world, however, having monthly commitments on car loans, insurance, mutual funds has made me poorer than I’ve never been before. I have no desire to pursue a managerial role or in the position of commanding and demanding, but now i am forced to do so cuz if not i will be eaten alive by the people who plays politics in the company.

Life aint easy, and i am feeling that i am losing something important here.

or.....
Should i just go easy with my conscience?