Gloomy

My gloominess had reached a critical stage.

For the past few days, i'm fretting apparently at anything that came across my mind, wondering where am i supposed to be if i'm not at here right now, pissing off at small matters, flipping through channels letting out sighs. (Were they sighs of discontent? or did I sigh because I was waiting for the days to pass?) The point is i think i've been hibernating for so long, have to get out of this protective shelter soon or else i'll be suffocated.

a lot of ponderous moment....realized how mind-numbling easy it is to stray, how things can creep up on you without you even knowing it. Next thing you know, it's 5 years down the road and you could be settling for the second best in your life. All in the name of compromise.

Don't intend to be so passive, but then, the uncertainty for the whole future thing is really bugging me, future-phobic i guess, reading blogs from others (my coursemate) and surprisingly realized that they are in the same dilemma as well. (except Eugene, who is so busy with the shitting) i really hope that i'll back on track after i fly back to KL...days in Kuching feels like an endless holiday, feeling even weird knowing that there won't be a new semester waiting ahead for me...

boring life, boring days, boring me.... smiley("hanged");

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delete reply banana2 wrote on Feb 22, '05 why so boring? go to travel lah, there is a travel promotion ma, go to travel lah, quite cheap ler. spending some of ur saving for that, and u can see the world. for about 5k and u can travel to some of the contries in europe.

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Feb 22, '05 Believee me, and dont believe me. I may sound so happily shitting and doing my own stuff, but im certainly uncertain abt the steps ahead as well. When are you coming back? OCP bday reaching ady leh.

delete reply craziivan wrote on Feb 24, '05 Hapi bedai to me, hapi bedai to me, Hapi bedai to meeeee, hapi beeeeedaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai toooooooooooooooooooooooo meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And mani mor.......

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Feb 25, '05 eugenetwj said Believee me, and dont believe me. I may sound so happily shitting and doing my own stuff, but im certainly uncertain abt the steps ahead as well. When are you coming back? OCP bday reaching ady leh. hehehe...i'm back... but still unable to celebrate with CP, sorry.... move out lar man! then we can hang out at night!!!

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Feb 25, '05 atlantisian said hehehe...i'm back... but still unable to celebrate with CP, sorry.... move out lar man! then we can hang out at night!!! What... who wanna hang out with you la... perasan wei...

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Feb 25, '05 eugenetwj said What... who wanna hang out with you la... perasan wei... it sort of a 2 in 1 message, hahaha... the first part is for you, the part behind is for CP.

delete reply lyonlionel wrote on Feb 22, '05 Like you, i'm in great despair. As I looked at my mum today when she was seeing the doctor, I wanted to cry so badly but I stayed strong. I realized then how I have been taking life for granted. It has mostly been about me and yet not about those who cares for me. As much as I would like to change, I know it's gonna be really hard in me to be able to do that. Maybe sometimes we should just pay attention to the other details around us and know that there might be more than to what lies in us. Take care.

Happy Chinese New Year

10 things that makes me happy during the first day of Chinese new year:

1. Getting out of bed and suddenly felt grateful for another beautiful day.

2. Listen to daddy’s prayer before having mom’s finest cooking.

3. Singing Chinese new year songs in front of 150 over people.

4. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

5. Getting a ‘whoa-she-had really-grown-up’ glance.

6. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about me.

7. Some funny thoughts sprung up from nowhere and find myself laughing stupidly to my own.

8. Getting a lot of ‘Happy new year’ sms.

9. Watching the “kungfu Hustle” for the third time in my life.

10. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

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delete reply lyonlionel wrote on Feb 11, '05 happy chinese new year to you my friend

delete reply craziivan wrote on Feb 12, '05 But CNY is about universal love......wait....that's Christmas. I feel you are getting way too emotional about CNY, after all its nothing but cold hard business, why its my main source of income for the rest of the year!!!

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Feb 15, '05 craziivan said But CNY is about universal love......wait....that's Christmas. I feel you are getting way too emotional about CNY, after all its nothing but cold hard business, why its my main source of income for the rest of the year!!! Don't spoil the CNY spirit lar... anyway, please change your naked headshot lar, my eyes sore after see it...

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Feb 16, '05 7. Some funny thoughts sprung up from nowhere and find myself laughing stupidly to my own. 10. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. These 2 are always good :)

Do you dare?

Jamming with some old mates last night, they used to be my praise and worship team mates and closest buddies back on those secondary school dayz…. I remember how we used to spend countless hours in the church, practiced long hours without knowing tired, sang our hearts out and doing acapella on every single songs that we can think of.

Have this mixed feeling when I’ve been told to lead praise and worship on Chinese new year mass, it’s really great to refresh those memories, enjoying each other company just like those old days and at the same time serve the LOrd, but leading Chinese new year songs ?!? it has been ages since the last time I sang THOSE songs, it’s irksome…. but surprisingly, it turn out to be quite fun, well, of course after we did some modification to the songs.^.^

Well, It’s very weird that every time we hang out, the most common question I’ve been asked is “got boyfriend already?” It sort of become a custom. Most of the time I just teased them back or simply asking them why don’t we coupled up then, well, this usually able to shut them up… but last night, the weird thing is we did dwell further into it and I really had a great conversion regarding the topic with one of my brother.

We talked about tons of thing, about soul mate, about the heart breaking moment and the joy of finding the right one… He had this unique parable to describe ‘how to handle relationship’ which really intrigues me. He said that relationship is like a pendulum where we will swing to both ends. Sometimes we will be very happy and sometimes we will be very sad. The happier we are the sadder we will be. Happy times will be short and sad times will be longer. So the higher we go the lower we drop. That is why we should keep our life at equilibrium and not be too extreme about any feelings so that we will not be too hurt. Eventually, the equanimity gives us poise and serenity in the very face of adversity.

At first I thought that the theory is really passive, it sort of restraining one’s emotion and capacity to enjoy things in their life. I mean why suppressing yourself from savoring the maximum happiness? But when I further think about this, maybe he is right, When we had intense feeling of happiness and sadness, we will always living in a rollercoaster-like life, went so high at this moment without knowing what awaits you at the next, unpredictable 360 degrees turn over? Breathtaking 90 degree drop? I don’t think my heart can withstand such emotional turmoil without having a heart attack.

I have a friend which is exactly the type, see her in and out of a few relationship, falling blindly in love, always in a very dramatic emotion, overwhelming and anxiety at the same time, and in the end, hurt herself badly…Would I allowed myself falling into such dilemma? crazily falling in love, head over hells, with no rationale left behind? It really makes me wonder…

Well, do you dare?

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delete reply craziivan wrote on Feb 12, '05 Why not? If God meant the highest form of life on earth to be cowards he'd have stopped after he created chickens.

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Feb 15, '05 craziivan said Why not? If God meant the highest form of life on earth to be cowards he'd have stopped after he created chickens. hei, what's the problem about being a 'chick'?? i don't mind being one, hehe...

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Feb 16, '05 atlantisian said hei, what's the problem about being a 'chick'?? i don't mind being one, hehe... No problem with that. Not unless you'll end up growing up into a cock

delete reply andytiong wrote on Feb 12, '05 I am flattered to see you guys on the stage again . How i wish to be with all of you once more . That's wat i feel each single time when i am getting myself back to Kuching . I like the the way we praise to the lord , the way we sang his words to fill up the atmosphere. The dignity we have after been booing .. the stronghold to learn from the mistakes me made in each single chord. The particular mistake which we on and on repeating .. gosh wat a lovely experience. Go on my sis ...

edit delete reply atlantisian wrote on Feb 15, '05 andytiong said I am flattered to see you guys on the stage again . How i wish to be with all of you once more . That's wat i feel each single time when i am getting myself back to Kuching . I like the the way we praise to the lord , the way we sang his words to fill up the atmosphere. The dignity we have after been booing .. the stronghold to learn from the mistakes me made in each single chord. The particular mistake which we on and on repeating .. gosh wat a lovely experience. Go on my sis ... miss you too.. my bro has been grumbling a lot for playing bass every week, tuitoring him a bit when you come back, k?

delete reply eugenetwj wrote on Feb 13, '05 Well, i'd say... go ahead and get hurt :) If theres no risk, theres no success. You play it safe, wat u r gonna get is a damn boring waste of life. go Go GO!